My SIL’s party and AF.
March 25, 2007
Yesterday was my sister-in-law’s birthday party.
I was dreading it. All week. Even as we got there, my heart was pounding and I had to take a few deep breaths before we went into the house.
But.
I was OK.
Ok enough to talk to K in depth about her baby plans. Their registry. Her plans to be a stay at home mom when the baby comes. The fact that they’re not sharing names until after the baby is here. That she’s going to deliver in the same hospital in which I think I might want to deliver. That her baby is measuring ahead and she’s worried that it’s going to be big when it comes. Their house-hunt; since their apartment has lead paint and their landlord doesn’t want to de-lead, they need to buy a house and be out by the time the baby comes. They’re currently looking near the town in which we live… a fact which made me really excited. It would be wonderful to have family near us. And I still harbor hope that our kids will be close enough in age that they could grow up together.
But I need to tell you. It REALLY surprised me that I was ok.
Because.
Not once did I feel jealous or bitter.
I can’t figure out why. Somehow, despite a cancelled cycle and the uncertainty of whether or not we can actually control my ovaries in subsequent cycles from now… despite the fact that we have been trying for more than 2 years… despite the fact that we just lost our last chance of having a baby in 2007…
I have accepted that she’s pregnant. And I’m not.
And I am okay.
Best of all, D did not ask us when we plan on having children. Thankfully.
In cycle news – AF showed up today. It’s light and I have only slight cramping, but she’s here. I have called my clinic to ask the question WHY. If I just ovulated on Tuesday, Wednesday, and/or Thursday… how is it that I get AF on Sunday? This is, in fact, the shortest LP in my reproductive history.
At least I have a little empirical evidence that the progesterone suppositories I take during other cycles actually work in warding off AF.
And the other good news is that because she came so early, completing another cycle is more than possible before our Italy trip.
That is. If we can control my ovaries this time.
Still, though, it’s something.
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1.
Kath | March 25, 2007 at 2:54 pm
Dear Serenity, I’m so glad the party turned out be OK. That is great news.
And that is odd about your period showing up so soon. How is that even possible? But hey, it’s good news, and we’ll take it gladly!
2.
LJ | March 25, 2007 at 2:58 pm
I’m really happy for you that you felt okay with it all, even excited at times.
We have a couple who are preggers right now, about 4 months in. She’s worried that we’ll all stop hanging out with her and her husband when the baby comes – I’m hoping we can give her some company! So I understand the excitement thing.
3.
Dianne/Flutter | March 25, 2007 at 3:26 pm
It is definitely something. So happy that it is falling into place. Wow, hope has just returned in a big way.
4.
OHN | March 25, 2007 at 3:28 pm
I am so glad you didn’t have to suffer through the party. I think you are going to be just fine all the way around. You certainly seem to have a great attitude.
5.
theoneliner | March 25, 2007 at 3:34 pm
weird that your menses made such an early arrival. i wouldn’t worry-i mean, those IVF drugs seem so strong and def. effect your body.I’m sure its them and not you.
And that makes today CD 1….
so your on your way. I’m glad you survived the party.
6.
Baby Blues | March 25, 2007 at 3:44 pm
I’m so proud of you Serenity! You handled the party well. I pray I could be OK like that.
Just “spreading the love” by leaving a comment!
7.
Samantha | March 25, 2007 at 3:57 pm
Hey, that’s great news that you were able to enjoy the party and not have to have implement any suggestions for dealing with D.
I bet your cycle is just completely wacked out with getting all of those strong meds and then suddenly having all of them stop. I probably wouldn’t count this cycle as indicative of anything, but glad to know you’ll be able to try again!
8.
DMB | March 25, 2007 at 4:29 pm
Please update us if you find out anything from your doc’s office re: AF.
Glad the party was better than expected. I hope you can continue to accept the fact that K is pregnant…because she is carrying what will be your first niece or nephew, whom I know you will love to pieces (no matter your opinion of K, past or present). Their child will have such a great aunt and uncle!!
D
9.
Knock Me Up | March 25, 2007 at 5:20 pm
Kudos to you. I know you were really dreading it but in the end you rocked! What a great feeling to know you can go into something you fear and come out strong and in charge.
Congratulations.
Merideth
10.
The Town Criers | March 25, 2007 at 7:23 pm
That is bizarre about the LP. Hope your RE has an answer. But glad that you can get in another cycle before the trip.
The newfound peace with her pregnancy? Run with it. And keep that hope.
11.
Max's | March 25, 2007 at 7:26 pm
Congrats, Serenity – you found “acceptance.” That’s a great place to be.
12.
My Reality | March 25, 2007 at 7:42 pm
I am glad you survived the party!
13.
Sarah | March 25, 2007 at 9:01 pm
oh i’m so glad, about the party and AF’s prompt arrival.
14.
Changing Expectations | March 25, 2007 at 9:11 pm
I am glad that you were ok with the party. I can definitely relate to how tough it is sometimes. Hang in there.
15.
Lyrehca | March 25, 2007 at 9:27 pm
Indeed, your neicephew is going to be someone who needs a great aunt, and it sounds like you’ll definitely be that aunt. Glad the party went well today and I hope the peaceful feelings continue. Looking forward to lunch tomorrow!
16.
Patience | March 25, 2007 at 10:16 pm
It’s amazing how resilient we can be sometimes – especially when we have to.
Very strange that today would be CD1- hopefully your clinic will do some bloodwork to check out what is going on.
17.
Cibele | March 25, 2007 at 10:23 pm
Dear Serenity, You are a fantastic woman and I am glad that you’ve accepted your SIL’s preganancy and made peace with it. I wish you all the best of luck in the next cycle!!!
18.
Sticky Bun | March 25, 2007 at 10:53 pm
I give you so much credit–it sounds like you were so positive during the party. Best of luck in your upcoming cycle–I hope that you can control the ovaries and that your turn is very near.
19.
Bumble | March 25, 2007 at 11:20 pm
Wow, lots to catch up on your blog, you’ve been a busy lady
I’s so glad the party went okay and that you didn’t have to face the rude interrogations. Also, well done on making peace with the pregnancy, its amazing the weight that gets lifted when we can bring ourselves to do that.
And yay on AF arriving, now you can get going again already. I wish you the very best cycle now, good luck!
20.
Bea | March 26, 2007 at 1:15 am
I was going to explain your good mood by saying “massive amounts of oestrogen” but then AF is here, so now I’m confused. Glad you can cycle again. Hope this new-found peace means you’re going to be ok for the long haul. Hope you don’t need to be.
Bea
21.
Isabel | March 26, 2007 at 5:14 am
I’m so glad you could do the party and not have to deal with negative feelings. That’s good to hear.
Hoping this cycle is the start of great things.
22.
RTTguapa | March 26, 2007 at 5:48 am
good for you, serenity!!
when we’re not sincerely happy for others, it’s actually a selfish thing.
put out the positive vibes and they’ll make their way back to you.
23.
aah0424 | March 26, 2007 at 1:02 pm
That is great that you are actually able to feel happy for your sister in law. The anger and the bitter feelings can be so hard to deal with! I”m sure it is comforting to know that you are able to accept this and will hopefully welcome your new niece or nephew with lots of excitement!
24.
sharah | March 26, 2007 at 1:49 pm
Acceptance feels good, doesn’t it? I’m working on it myself — I don’t know if I’m quite as far along as you are though.
Good luck with this upcoming cycle! Do you have any idea how your protocol will be changed, or will you find that out at the next appointment?
25.
LIW (Lady In Waiting) | March 26, 2007 at 2:20 pm
I was really worried about how you would get through that party – I am certain that my heart would have been palpitating, too. Maybe letting yourself experience all of the apprehension and sadness, etc. beforehand allowed you to let those feelings go so that you had emotional room for some positive feelings…. Just my two cents…
Again, really glad that it went well!
26.
Southern Comfortable | March 26, 2007 at 3:42 pm
I’m so glad it the party wasn’t all that you’d dreaded. Looks like the weekend was full of good news. And to be able to cycle again before Italy . . . that’s huge. Crossing everything for you!
27.
Mary Ellen and Steve | March 26, 2007 at 3:51 pm
I am so glad that it was easier than you expected. You seem to have such a good attitude about everything.
That’s strange about your period. I am sure that it is just because of all the drugs and hormones. I suppose it’s a good thing too because it means that you are on your way to your next attempt.
28.
Watson | March 26, 2007 at 6:55 pm
Hi!
I read this post yesterday and then had a funny dream last night…we were friends IRL and hanging out and you were telling me the story of the party and how amazingly well you did.
I told you how I was so impressed by what a loving, caring person you were, how you were able to access the very best part of yourself in order to be truly happy for K and how happy I was you were my friend.
Sappy, I know!
But I decided just to write it anyway because it’s all true!! (Well, except the IRL part, obvi)
And PS I’m thrilled AF came and you can get in another cycle before your trip, YEAH!
29.
Hopeful Mother | March 26, 2007 at 7:29 pm
I’m really glad that you were OK. You are a stronger person than you have given yourself credit for!
And YAY for AF, as weird as it is that she is here. Moving onward!
All the best to you, Serenity!