Thanksgiving

I know it’s probably not neccessarily healthy to worry about my sister’s reproductive health.

But still. I want to protect her from all the shit that goes along with infertility.

I really, really, REALLY hope that it’s just timing. But deep down inside, I have a nagging worry that it’s more than that.

I just hope I’m wrong.

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So ummm… it struck me when I looked in the mirror last night and saw an undeniably pregnant woman looking back at me.

And then again when I felt Squishy roll inside me early this morning.

I’m pregnant.

It’s just so fucking WEIRD.

Because I’m not really sure I believed it up until now. Sure, I’ve said it, and there have been moments where it’s hit me – wow, this actually worked. But mostly I’ve been living in a state of half-believing, repeating it to myself, with a huge question mark at the end.

“I’m pregnant?”

“We’re really going to have a baby?”

But the evidence is overwhelming. I have a belly. A real noticeable belly. And, well, I feel Squishy move inside me. Not often, mind you, but enough where s/he reminds me that he’s THERE. And sometimes, even when s/he’s sleeping, when I stand up or move positions, I can FEEL him or her. Inside me.

I wish I had the words to describe how lucky I feel.

Because I had given up the idea that we might get to do this. I just thought that people like me don’t get what we want.

And to sit here, on the cusp of both Thanksgiving day and my 32nd birthday…

Well, I just feel really thankful. And humble.

And so, so happy.

For my US blogger friends, I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving.