Comments on: The “magic” number. http://serenitynowinfertile.wordpress.com/2009/01/04/the-magic-number/ The search for Serenity after years of infertility and now new parenthood. (Read: I have no idea who "me" is anymore, but I won't rest until I find her.) Wed, 16 Dec 2009 22:20:38 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: Milestones aplenty « Children Mentioned http://serenitynowinfertile.wordpress.com/2009/01/04/the-magic-number/#comment-11697 Milestones aplenty « Children Mentioned Wed, 11 Feb 2009 19:44:18 +0000 http://serenitynowinfertile.wordpress.com/?p=1006#comment-11697 [...] Serenity mentioned that the magic number appeared to be 12. Mine was six. [...] [...] Serenity mentioned that the magic number appeared to be 12. Mine was six. [...]

]]> By: Mary http://serenitynowinfertile.wordpress.com/2009/01/04/the-magic-number/#comment-11417 Mary Fri, 09 Jan 2009 16:10:30 +0000 http://serenitynowinfertile.wordpress.com/?p=1006#comment-11417 I'm here from the blog roundup, very well written post, and I feel the exact same way. I so want more kids but don't know if I have it in me to go through all the IF garbage again, and I feel guility because I was so blessed with twins and is it 'greedy' to want to have another baby when so many are still struggling to bring one baby home!! And I think in general the 12-18 month mark is so popular for getting pg again b/c its such a 'fun' stage between the sleep deprivation of an infant and the stress of the terrible twos!! I’m here from the blog roundup, very well written post, and I feel the exact same way. I so want more kids but don’t know if I have it in me to go through all the IF garbage again, and I feel guility because I was so blessed with twins and is it ‘greedy’ to want to have another baby when so many are still struggling to bring one baby home!!

And I think in general the 12-18 month mark is so popular for getting pg again b/c its such a ‘fun’ stage between the sleep deprivation of an infant and the stress of the terrible twos!!

]]> By: Ellen K. http://serenitynowinfertile.wordpress.com/2009/01/04/the-magic-number/#comment-11384 Ellen K. Mon, 05 Jan 2009 19:58:49 +0000 http://serenitynowinfertile.wordpress.com/?p=1006#comment-11384 I'm kind of surprised that people are just now asking you about having more kids, because I have been asked this so many times already in just 8 weeks of motherhood (including twice on Saturday). It's downright obnoxious. Maybe there's something about twins, especially same-sex twins, that makes others think we need one more kid *immediately*. Among IF bloggers and IRL IF pals, it seems pretty common to start TTC again around the baby's 12- or 18-month mark. I think the right time is whatever time feels right to you and your husband. And I agree with the others: You ABSOLUTELY deserve your little boy. Don't dare tell yourself otherwise. : ) I’m kind of surprised that people are just now asking you about having more kids, because I have been asked this so many times already in just 8 weeks of motherhood (including twice on Saturday). It’s downright obnoxious. Maybe there’s something about twins, especially same-sex twins, that makes others think we need one more kid *immediately*.

Among IF bloggers and IRL IF pals, it seems pretty common to start TTC again around the baby’s 12- or 18-month mark. I think the right time is whatever time feels right to you and your husband.

And I agree with the others: You ABSOLUTELY deserve your little boy. Don’t dare tell yourself otherwise. : )

]]> By: Kir http://serenitynowinfertile.wordpress.com/2009/01/04/the-magic-number/#comment-11383 Kir Mon, 05 Jan 2009 18:24:12 +0000 http://serenitynowinfertile.wordpress.com/?p=1006#comment-11383 well first, no one deserves Baby O more than you!!!! I know what you went through to have him and he's a miracle and a gift, so enough of that (easy for me to say ..right?? :) ) next, I admit that there are times that I am so am so selfishly happy that I have the two little boys looking at me, growing up together and making my "family picture" look complete, sure people still tell us that "we have to try for the girl" but those people don't know us, people who know us, know that we are D.O.N.E. and happy that we are. I feel LOTS of survivor guilt about that, I really really do. I got to do it all at once and often I am certain that God did it that way because of how horrible my pregnancy was, that HE knew that I would never (in a million years) think about doing it again and He blessed me and on my purely lucid days I am delirious with happiness that He did. I don't have to have the conversation about "when should we try", "should I make an appt" etc. I feel for you, because I know that it would still hurt, it would still make me feel IF to know that I would have to start all over again, but this time I have all these emotions and a little toddler, the emotions and time I would need to deal with them would have to take a back seat to my child and the life that I have there. It's not easy. yet, Serenity, I know you will be ok. Whenever it's time to talk about it and go about it, you're going to be awesome. You are one of the strongest women I know, so I also know that you will do this, If and when you want to. Enjoying Baby O right now is a good thing, it's the right thing to do and when that magic number comes up, you're going to be just fine. No one said that everyone else's timetable has to be yours.....it will be time...when it is. *hug* well first, no one deserves Baby O more than you!!!! I know what you went through to have him and he’s a miracle and a gift, so enough of that (easy for me to say ..right?? :) )

next, I admit that there are times that I am so am so selfishly happy that I have the two little boys looking at me, growing up together and making my “family picture” look complete, sure people still tell us that “we have to try for the girl” but those people don’t know us, people who know us, know that we are D.O.N.E. and happy that we are. I feel LOTS of survivor guilt about that, I really really do. I got to do it all at once and often I am certain that God did it that way because of how horrible my pregnancy was, that HE knew that I would never (in a million years) think about doing it again and He blessed me and on my purely lucid days I am delirious with happiness that He did. I don’t have to have the conversation about “when should we try”, “should I make an appt” etc.

I feel for you, because I know that it would still hurt, it would still make me feel IF to know that I would have to start all over again, but this time I have all these emotions and a little toddler, the emotions and time I would need to deal with them would have to take a back seat to my child and the life that I have there. It’s not easy.

yet, Serenity, I know you will be ok. Whenever it’s time to talk about it and go about it, you’re going to be awesome. You are one of the strongest women I know, so I also know that you will do this, If and when you want to. Enjoying Baby O right now is a good thing, it’s the right thing to do and when that magic number comes up, you’re going to be just fine. No one said that everyone else’s timetable has to be yours…..it will be time…when it is.

*hug*

]]> By: Diana http://serenitynowinfertile.wordpress.com/2009/01/04/the-magic-number/#comment-11382 Diana Mon, 05 Jan 2009 17:24:21 +0000 http://serenitynowinfertile.wordpress.com/?p=1006#comment-11382 Seems to be going around, I recently wrote a post on this too. I think we are pretty set against going the medical route and might just leave it all up to fate but who knows what I'll be thinking in 5 more months! Seems to be going around, I recently wrote a post on this too. I think we are pretty set against going the medical route and might just leave it all up to fate but who knows what I’ll be thinking in 5 more months!

]]> By: Alex http://serenitynowinfertile.wordpress.com/2009/01/04/the-magic-number/#comment-11381 Alex Mon, 05 Jan 2009 05:57:30 +0000 http://serenitynowinfertile.wordpress.com/?p=1006#comment-11381 We weren't ready at a year. A lot of friends were starting then but we wanted to enjoy Kallie more before we split our focus. We said we'd revisit it at for 18 months and we were ready then. And we did that when we concieved number 3 as well. 18 months...they seem so much older than a year and knowing there are 9 months on top of that...our kids were the right age for them to be siblings and us to be ready for them. Now obviously ours were concieved naturally and we were blessed enough that we had it happen when we were ready. If you are concerned about how long it might take you, then I guess its a choice of if you're willing to wait longer between babies if it takes you a few tries, or risk having your babies closer than you planned. If we'd gotten pregnant before Kallie was 18 months old we would have been perfectly okay and thrilled, but since we had a "choice" we preferred to wait. If you need to do IVF again, assuming you can afford it, and are ready for the hormonal rollercoater then you might want to give it a shot starting sooner. "worse" you get a baby even sooner to love...and thats a pretty wonderful outcome!!! And Baby O will be just fine with a sibling thats closer in age. Don't worry about him...its you and your husband that have to be ready. And if you aren't, then take your time until it feels right :) We weren’t ready at a year. A lot of friends were starting then but we wanted to enjoy Kallie more before we split our focus. We said we’d revisit it at for 18 months and we were ready then. And we did that when we concieved number 3 as well. 18 months…they seem so much older than a year and knowing there are 9 months on top of that…our kids were the right age for them to be siblings and us to be ready for them.

Now obviously ours were concieved naturally and we were blessed enough that we had it happen when we were ready. If you are concerned about how long it might take you, then I guess its a choice of if you’re willing to wait longer between babies if it takes you a few tries, or risk having your babies closer than you planned. If we’d gotten pregnant before Kallie was 18 months old we would have been perfectly okay and thrilled, but since we had a “choice” we preferred to wait. If you need to do IVF again, assuming you can afford it, and are ready for the hormonal rollercoater then you might want to give it a shot starting sooner. “worse” you get a baby even sooner to love…and thats a pretty wonderful outcome!!! And Baby O will be just fine with a sibling thats closer in age. Don’t worry about him…its you and your husband that have to be ready. And if you aren’t, then take your time until it feels right :)

]]> By: Linda http://serenitynowinfertile.wordpress.com/2009/01/04/the-magic-number/#comment-11380 Linda Mon, 05 Jan 2009 04:16:20 +0000 http://serenitynowinfertile.wordpress.com/?p=1006#comment-11380 Hey Serenity, I wonder if 3 is your magic number! As in, when baby O turns 3!! Since you got him after "three surgeries, three fresh cycles of IVF, three failed FETs, and more than three years of struggling with IF". I kinda like the symmetry of that! L (from yahoo) :o) Hey Serenity, I wonder if 3 is your magic number! As in, when baby O turns 3!! Since you got him after “three surgeries, three fresh cycles of IVF, three failed FETs, and more than three years of struggling with IF”. I kinda like the symmetry of that!
L (from yahoo) :o )

]]> By: Heather http://serenitynowinfertile.wordpress.com/2009/01/04/the-magic-number/#comment-11379 Heather Mon, 05 Jan 2009 02:26:12 +0000 http://serenitynowinfertile.wordpress.com/?p=1006#comment-11379 How can you possibly think that you don't deserve what you have with Baby O? Serenity, you are very deserving of his love and the love of any potential children. Are you deserving of the love from J? Your family? Your friends? Absolutely. You GIVE out a lot of love hon, you absolutely deserve love back. It doesn't matter how our children come into the world, they desrve us and we deserve them. As for #2... I read one of those bullet articles and one of then said, "Why do we want to try for another when there is one almost out of diapers?". Funny, but at the same time, pretty true. I guess, for me, I realized that I wanted a second when K started to become a real little person. Talking, walking, playing jokes on us, etc. I realized that I wanted her to have the companionship of a sibling. Of someone to have fun with, complain to, and be with. I mean, P and I are great, but we are never going to be to her what a sibling (and now we know sister) will be to her. Going through treatments for me is FAR different than it was for you. I never had to go beyond inj/IUI. However, the appts, the stress, all worth it. Once I finally felt ok with things with this pgcy I wondered how I could love someone else as much as I love K. I've asked that question to eveybody with more than 1. The answer is always the same: You just do. Your heart has the capacity to love that much. Crazy to think about, but, awfully true. How can you possibly think that you don’t deserve what you have with Baby O? Serenity, you are very deserving of his love and the love of any potential children. Are you deserving of the love from J? Your family? Your friends? Absolutely. You GIVE out a lot of love hon, you absolutely deserve love back.
It doesn’t matter how our children come into the world, they desrve us and we deserve them.

As for #2… I read one of those bullet articles and one of then said, “Why do we want to try for another when there is one almost out of diapers?”. Funny, but at the same time, pretty true. I guess, for me, I realized that I wanted a second when K started to become a real little person. Talking, walking, playing jokes on us, etc. I realized that I wanted her to have the companionship of a sibling. Of someone to have fun with, complain to, and be with. I mean, P and I are great, but we are never going to be to her what a sibling (and now we know sister) will be to her.

Going through treatments for me is FAR different than it was for you. I never had to go beyond inj/IUI. However, the appts, the stress, all worth it. Once I finally felt ok with things with this pgcy I wondered how I could love someone else as much as I love K.

I’ve asked that question to eveybody with more than 1. The answer is always the same: You just do. Your heart has the capacity to love that much. Crazy to think about, but, awfully true.

]]> By: kelly http://serenitynowinfertile.wordpress.com/2009/01/04/the-magic-number/#comment-11378 kelly Mon, 05 Jan 2009 01:29:59 +0000 http://serenitynowinfertile.wordpress.com/?p=1006#comment-11378 Wow, did u cut open my head to peer into my brain and write this for me? DD is only 9 months old, but I'm 34 and got the time ticking in my head and DH's too. I'm actually going to wean from b-feeding soon so I can get AF and start to try not to try if you know what I mean. I feel so greedy even thinking about #2 and get lightheaded about getting sucked into the vortext of TTC!! Thanks for putting words to my thoughts! Wow, did u cut open my head to peer into my brain and write this for me? DD is only 9 months old, but I’m 34 and got the time ticking in my head and DH’s too. I’m actually going to wean from b-feeding soon so I can get AF and start to try not to try if you know what I mean. I feel so greedy even thinking about #2 and get lightheaded about getting sucked into the vortext of TTC!! Thanks for putting words to my thoughts!

]]> By: Lyrehca http://serenitynowinfertile.wordpress.com/2009/01/04/the-magic-number/#comment-11377 Lyrehca Mon, 05 Jan 2009 01:04:32 +0000 http://serenitynowinfertile.wordpress.com/?p=1006#comment-11377 At least people waited 12 months with you. I started hearing about number 2 when Baby L was six months. I'm exhausted thinking about getting pregnant again, possibly having to do infertility treatments again, and having to deal with a newborn again. I ask my husband all the time if he is sure he wants two. Right now, the only thing pushing me in favor of two is that I think it'd be good for Baby L to have a sibling and grow up with someone else in the house. But getting to that point... seems very unappealing right now. Unfortunately, with 40 not so far off, I just don't have much more time to wait it out. At least people waited 12 months with you. I started hearing about number 2 when Baby L was six months.

I’m exhausted thinking about getting pregnant again, possibly having to do infertility treatments again, and having to deal with a newborn again. I ask my husband all the time if he is sure he wants two.

Right now, the only thing pushing me in favor of two is that I think it’d be good for Baby L to have a sibling and grow up with someone else in the house. But getting to that point… seems very unappealing right now. Unfortunately, with 40 not so far off, I just don’t have much more time to wait it out.

]]>