First baby-free overnight.

It was last night.

J came and picked me up and work, and we went into Boston.

It was liberating. We went to our favorite sushi place. We got a bottle of wine because we didn’t have to worry about driving home – the inn was right around the corner. After dinner, we took a walk. We went to our favorite independent bookstore. We debated coffee, but ultimately decided that sleep would be better.

Our discussion at dinner touched a little bit on work, a good amount on Baby O… but mostly on vacations. And trips.

And J and I talked about trying to break free of our task list and get out and do SOMETHING each weekend this spring and summer. There’s a ton of state parks near our house. We discussed Saturday morning jaunts in the woods with Baby O.

We also talked about family trips we want to take with Baby O. Where we’d go.

Which led into a discussion of the top ten accomodations we’ve had since we started dating.

Overall it was a nice, relaxed, happy night. Very little discussion of work, or to-dos.

We fell asleep around 9:30, and though I woke a number of times (not my bed!), I was able to go back to sleep pretty easily.

It’s just interesting.

The difference between the people we are now and the people we were the last time we went to this restaurant is astounding. The last time we went, it was early in my pregnancy. We didn’t really talk about the baby all that much; mostly our discussion revolved around work. When we went to the bookstore, I deliberately avoided the kids section – you know, so as not to jinx anything.

This time at the bookstore, I found myself in the kids section, looking for a book to bring home to Baby O. I didn’t find a book for him that called to me.

But what I did find was a parenting book instead. Which was on sale for $3.99.

So I bought it.*

Being parents has fundamentally changed us. It’s part of who we are. And last night, I discovered that my thoughts inevitably ran back to him. The few times I was up overnight, I wondered if he was sleeping well. I wondered if he’d miss us at his morning feeding.

But last night was good for J and I on a lot of levels. We talked about the things we usually DON’T talk about. Like what we want our summer to look like. What sort of parents we’re hoping to be. How lately we feel like we’re slaves to the to do list, and how the only way we can let things go is to get out of the house and get outside.

I think in the past year, both of us have struggled with assimilating all of our new identities into our marriage. Before Baby O, it was just about balancing being a worker bee with being a wife/husband with being an individual.

Now, parenting, which for both of us is all-encompassing, has to exist with being a worker bee. And being a wife/husband. And being an individual. It’s impossible to seamlessly switch between them.

So last night was a good reminder for J and I that we need to keep working on it.

Not just for Baby O, but for the both of us. For our marriage. For our SELVES.

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*I’m not really one to take parenting books as bibles, per se. But the way I look at it, if I can find some nuggets of information which I can use at some future date, then it’s not a waste of time. Or money.

And given that I grew up in a house where conditional love was prevalent, I don’t really know anything else.

Worth a read, at the very least. I’ll let you all know if the 4 bucks I spent on it was worth it.