More on Vacations: I’m Just Not That Into You.

Good grief I’m a whiner.

Just getting that all out made me feel a THOUSAND percent better.

In general I like my inlaws. And my SIL.

I think really what it boils down to is that I’m tired and stressed and really wanting something for ME.

Selfish. I know.

But I have a plan. If Baby O wakes me up early like I think he will? I will nap when he does.

I will take advantage of the built-in babysitting and make J take me out.

I’ll negotiate with J so that I can get out for a run EVERY DAY (bliss!).

I’m going to drink wine.

I’m going to enjoy the fact that I have family I love. Who maybe isn’t perfect. But they’re my family. And I’m lucky to have them.

I’m going to watch D and Baby O play, and giggle, and enjoy the fact that they’re close enough in age to play together.

I’m going to watch Baby O interact with his grandparents for a whole week.

I’m going to spend the longest amount of un-interrupted time with Baby O since September of last year. Where he’s walking, and learning new words, and playing in the sand.

And I’m going to realize that it ALWAYS goes better than I anticipate.

Thanks again for listening and supporting me, despite the selfishness of my last post.

Because I really am very lucky, and I need to remind myself of that. Often.

I’ll catch you all next week.

Vacation: I’m Just Not That Into You.

I have been drafting rants for the past week now and not hitting publish.

But today I just need to get this out.

So feel free to click away if you want; I promise I won’t be offended.

See. I’m tired, and stressed out, and need a REAL vacation.

Like where I can sleep in because I don’t need to get up earlier than Baby O to do a bunch of things before he wakes up. Like where I can take a nap when he does. Like where I spend the days outside in the sun with Baby O and J without having to worry about being “on.”

I need a real BREAK.

Instead we’re going next week up to a lake in New Hampshire. With my in-laws; including my SIL, BIL, and nephew.

Where we rented a house this year smaller than last year’s because at the end of LAST year’s vacation my SIL K told us that she didn’t want to make plans for this year. So we didn’t think said SIL would want to come. But of COURSE she’s going to be there. Because it’s free.

But hey! She’s “not there for the whole week” – just Sunday through Friday. (We have the rental Saturday to Saturday.)

And my FIL and J will go fishing every morning.

And Baby O will have to bunk with us, instead of having his own room. And he will wake up when J leaves to go fishing in the morning. And then will want milk/to hang out/get out of the pack and play. So I won’t get any sleep either.

And since it’s been fucking RAINING FOR WEEKS here in New England, we’ll likely be confined to the house all fucking day. Because the forecast for next week is much of the same of the past six. Showers, thunderstorms, clouds.

AWESOME.

And I’ll have to ignore the fact that my SIL makes EVERYTHING about HER kid, by showing off his “skills.” As in, “D, can you say ‘hockey?’” or “D, can you say [insert word here].”

And so I’ll have to ignore that I feel like it’s a challenge to counter with Baby O’s skills. Because I don’t want to get sucked into that sort of fucking mommy competition. But if I don’t then I feel like Baby O is being ignored. And that makes me angry and wanting him to get some of the spotlight too.

And she’ll mostly ignore me and talk to her own mom, and I’ll feel like the third fucking wheel. So instead I’ll take care of Baby O and pretend like I’m too busy with him to talk anyway.

And J will come back from fishing at 9am and spend the next hour cleaning the damn nasty fish because he does that best. And the guys will then want breakfast, so we’ll spend the next hour making them fucking breakfast because that’s what the women do. Cook when the men come back from fishing.

And so the whole week will be about biting my tongue, and being nice, and taking care of everyone else. And feeling like the only reason I’m there in the first place is to take care of the baby while everyone gets THEIR family vacation.

And I’m bitter, and I’m tired, and I don’t want to go.

And J and I are having relationship issues, where we haven’t really CONNECTED in weeks, where we don’t talk anymore, where our evenings are relegated to watching TV after we do all the chores.

And what I think we REALLY need is a vacation just the three of us. Where we don’t have a TV, or a Wii, or a computer. Where we can spend the days together just the three of us. Where Baby O goes to bed in his own ROOM and J and I get to TALK. Or play cards.

That’s what *I* want. But we’re not going to get it.

And so.

I’m going to suck it up, and find happiness in the fact that Baby O will spend a week with his cousin and grandparents.

And watch him and D play, and look forward to the time where they can bunk together, and play together, and I won’t have to be ON as much. Where I won’t feel drained, and depleted, and desperately needing something for ME.

Wordless Wednesday: Him and me. And no one else.

Click here for more wordless wednesday images.