Resolve and the Hope Award.

June 15, 2010 at 9:11 am | Posted in Infertility | 16 Comments

I started this blog in August 2005 to document my life. I spent little time with it until April 2006, when I had my first chemical pregnancy from IVF #1.

And then it turned into an infertility blog.

I didn’t expect that – I didn’t know that it would take us as long as it did to get pregnant and bring home O.

All I knew was that it HURT to be infertile.

And this blog was my way to work through the dark time where I was convinced that I wasn’t worthy to be a mom. And connect with other women who were in similar situations.

And I really tried hard to find the hope in our situation. I tried to breathe, and keep the little flame of our dream alive, and ride the waves of worry and fear that we’d never be parents. I tried to make sure that IF didn’t KILL the good and happy parts of me in the midst of all our friends starting their families.

It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

Truth be told, it’s STILL damn hard.

Yes, I have O.

And so yes, when I made an appointment at the Clinic to see Dr. HIT again, it was DIFFERENT. Because I have O.

But every time I THINK about going back there? Well, I have hard time breathing.

Going back there just reminds that feeling of failure.

But I’m so thankful for this community, for the people I’ve met who have become my friends in real life. The women I rely on for advice, and hope, and support.

So when Mel and RESOLVE started the What IF Project during National Infertility Awareness Week, I HAD to be a part of the project.

I wrote this post when I was thinking, yet again, that it was possible I was pregnant (I wasn’t. I never am.).

So I checked my email this past Friday. And I had an email from Mel and RESOLVE.

Telling me that I was a finalist for the Team RESOLVE Award for Best Blog.

Holy frick.

Um, WHAT?

Apparently from all the posts written for National Infertility Awareness Week, some people at RESOLVE read them. And they decided on 5 blogs from 5 posts as finalists. It goes to some sort of vote and one will be picked.

For what? To be honest, I’m not really sure.

But I can tell you – I’m in good company. The four other blogs nominated are written by some AMAZING women, and their What If? posts hit on the same deep, heart-wrenching emotions.

You should really check it out. Here’s a link to mine and the other posts.

I’m not one to be all “oh! Go vote for me!”

Truth be told, I can’t even BELIEVE that I was even nominated.

But I love that RESOLVE is acknowledging this community. Because it saved me, time and again, from the loneliness and darkness that was our IF journey.

Anyway. Go check the other blogs out. And vote for someone.