Crystal Ball (aka: Transfer Day.)September 15, 2012 at 1:48 pm | Posted in another cycle! (aka: deja vu) | 11 Comments
Transfer day is always the same routine, no matter the clinic. When you get there, you get your hospital band and they make you change into the hospital johnny. Your husband gets his scrubs, too.
Sitting in that recliner chair without underwear makes you feel really vulnerable. Always has for me, anyway.
And you wait, and people come and introduce themselves, and the doctor tells you how many you have for transfer, and you get a picture of them from the embryologist.
And you do the transfer, and when it’s all done and over you walk out of there. With this picture.
I always find myself staring at it at random times during a 2ww, as if I’m scrying for the future.
And I don’t really know what I’m looking for, exactly. As far as I can tell, they’re embryos. 6 and 8 cells are easy to see, of course. Nice and round, clear, defined. Blastocysts look scrambled, not nearly as pretty.
Still, though, I stare. I wait for a flicker inside me, of recognition. A sign.
The awareness from deep down in my soul that I’m looking at my son or daughter.
Are you there?
Will I know you?
Is this the cycle?
I never know.
Beta is Wednesday, September 26.