Leaving. On a Jet Plane.

November 29, 2012 at 11:15 am | Posted in NaBloPoMo | 2 Comments

NoBloPoMo is over for me.

A couple of days early, yeah.

But Lucky and I are heading to Ohio at lunchtime to see Charlie in Ohio. Our friends D, S, and their two awesome daughters are coming to stay with us for the weekend, too.

I am SO looking forward to a few days of no work, seeing my husband, touring a new city, and spending time with friends.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about why the past couple of weeks have felt so much harder on me, why I feel worse than I did even a month ago.

And I think, a month ago, I was busy making other plans as a way to cope. I was back to living in the future: the future where I lost the last 10lbs I wanted to and ran a marathon (faster than my first of course). Like somehow that would make things All Better.

Which is silly. I KNOW it doesn’t work that way. It’s a good use of my focus – on training for and running a marathon – because it takes time out of my day, and every long run I do I come home HAPPY; I’ve either worked out a problem or not at all and I’m just flushed with endorphins and I feel my muscles as STRONG and capable.

But it doesn’t make pain go away, the running.

And I think I’ve spent so much time planning, ahead of myself in the future, that when there’s nothing left to PLAN – just execute the plan in place – I come back into the here and now and realize, I want more.

I want more out of my life. The one thing NoBloPoMo has done for me? It’s opened a slow trickle in the dam of Writing Ideas. I had honestly thought it was dry, that I was all out of ideas for writing, or for this space, or for my LIFE. But telling stories with Lucky, and writing here, and I have these IDEAS that strike me every so often… well, I definitely want more.

So the big question for 2013 is this.

What am I going to do with this I want more! feeling?

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2 Comments »

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  1. I’m glad you’re getting away. I hope you have a wonderful weekend.

    I know that “I want more,” feeling well. I feel it a lot, especially at work. Work is so hard right now, I just feel so unhappy there and yet I don’t think I can do anything else. I’m stuck. And right now that doesn’t bother me too much because I’m not sure what I would do otherwise. I suppose, with all this upheaval, I’m not in a place to determine that.

    Maybe when you step away from the upheaval for a little bit, you will have a better idea of what you can do to address that “I want more” feeling. I hope you figure it out.

  2. Have a great trip and I hope you can leave it all behind. As for the ‘I want more’ feeling, I hope 2013 is the year that you can really find the direction you want to head. I am a big fan of my career counselor. It’s a painful, seemingly too long process, but I am learning a lot.


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