Leaving. On a Jet Plane.November 29, 2012 at 11:15 am | Posted in NaBloPoMo | 2 Comments
NoBloPoMo is over for me.
A couple of days early, yeah.
But Lucky and I are heading to Ohio at lunchtime to see Charlie in Ohio. Our friends D, S, and their two awesome daughters are coming to stay with us for the weekend, too.
I am SO looking forward to a few days of no work, seeing my husband, touring a new city, and spending time with friends.
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about why the past couple of weeks have felt so much harder on me, why I feel worse than I did even a month ago.
And I think, a month ago, I was busy making other plans as a way to cope. I was back to living in the future: the future where I lost the last 10lbs I wanted to and ran a marathon (faster than my first of course). Like somehow that would make things All Better.
Which is silly. I KNOW it doesn’t work that way. It’s a good use of my focus – on training for and running a marathon – because it takes time out of my day, and every long run I do I come home HAPPY; I’ve either worked out a problem or not at all and I’m just flushed with endorphins and I feel my muscles as STRONG and capable.
But it doesn’t make pain go away, the running.
And I think I’ve spent so much time planning, ahead of myself in the future, that when there’s nothing left to PLAN – just execute the plan in place – I come back into the here and now and realize, I want more.
I want more out of my life. The one thing NoBloPoMo has done for me? It’s opened a slow trickle in the dam of Writing Ideas. I had honestly thought it was dry, that I was all out of ideas for writing, or for this space, or for my LIFE. But telling stories with Lucky, and writing here, and I have these IDEAS that strike me every so often… well, I definitely want more.
So the big question for 2013 is this.
What am I going to do with this I want more! feeling?