The Brink.
March 13, 2013 at 4:20 pm | Posted in Birthdays (Years in Review), Mama Bear, milestones, motherhood | 11 CommentsToday, my throat achy with unshed tears, I drove away from the local elementary school. After I registered Lucky for kindergarten.
I will admit: I never wanted to be the mom who gets all weepy over the next milestone. In general, I find the idea of having a school-age child exciting. I can’t wait for Lucky to learn how to read and write… and I can’t wait to delegate the math work to Charlie. 
But today I feel the same way I felt on my birthday this year: it’s yet another reminder how FAST time flows.
It was also our line in the sand for trying for a sibling, the years between my school age child and a potential sibling would be “too much” in my estimation.
(Course, a lot about THAT has changed since we set that deadline, so really, I shouldn’t take it into account, should I?)
It’s hard to believe that the baby who was so quiet when he cried, you couldn’t hear him unless you were right over him, is going to be FIVE this weekend.
Five is the age of riding school buses, and bicycles, and playing tee ball.
It’s the age of skinned knees and mud pies and imagination. It’s tall and lanky and independent.
It’s the age of superheroes, where his loveys have powers and abilities FAR beyond measure.
It’s the age of loud, and fart jokes, and potty language.
It’s the age of stories, where he can (and does!) regale me, talking non-stop on the way home from daycare, with all the things Bear and Spoochy can DO. (Did you know Bear sneaks downstairs every night to hide golden treasure? That Spoochy has a boat that transforms into something that can ride in HOT LAVA from a volcano – without getting burned? I didn’t think you did.)
I know that his job is to grow up and become independent and turn into a person in his own right. That’s what babies DO – they turn into toddlers and then kids and then teenagers and then adults. As he grows, his world will become bigger and bigger, and his orbit around me will become wider and longer.
And it’s my job to help him navigate this world; to guide and advocate for him when he needs it and then step back and let him fly on his own.
It’s just going by SO FAST. In many ways, I miss those days where his orbit was just him and me, those nights in his room, rocking him in the darkness, marveling at how little he was and how damn lucky we were.
But. To kindergarten he will go. And we’ll start a whole new chapter of his life – of our lives.
Crazy stuff, this growing up.
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Awww… I remember enrolling my boys in kindergarten, it’s definitely bittersweet.. As long as you don’t cry until you drive away the first day, you are golden (at least that’s what I did)
Comment by Tonya— March 13, 2013 #
I registered my daughter for junior kindergarten in January, and felt very much the same as you- time is passing so quickly. I feel like it was just yesterday that I was holding my newborn baby in my arms! But now that I know there won’t be another baby in our future, I’m so excited about what life is going to look like in September. Monkey will be in good hands during the day, and I might have a little bit of time to try to figure out who I am again, and what I want to do with my life. After all, she is growing up, and will eventually leave the nest to live her own life. And hubby and I will still be here- we need to be content with the lives we’re living, separate from our roll as parents. As tough as it will be to drop her off that first day, I think it will be a good thing for both her and I!
Comment by catwoman73— March 13, 2013 #
Role… not roll… who needs more sleep? Show of hands?
Comment by catwoman73— March 13, 2013 #
Indeed, mama, indeed.
Comment by It Is What It Is— March 13, 2013 #
I’ve been missing you. And your words. It’s so good to read them again.
I can’t imagine signing your child up for Kidergarten. What a massive head-f*ck. Time does move fast but reminders like that are harsh. Be kind and gentle and patient with yourself for a while.
Abiding with you.
Comment by Esperanza— March 13, 2013 #
xoxo
Comment by Summer— March 13, 2013 #
What a gorgeous post. You express so well the bittersweet pleasures of having (suddenly) a school age child. I’ve been having a lot of these same thoughts. My son’s stuffies (loveys) are so powerful to him too. I love Lambie in particular, who widely figures in many adventure tales.
Comment by jjiraffe— March 14, 2013 #
Happy birthday to Lucky! The girls are in preK and will be next year (Nov. bdays), but half of the class is going on to kindergarten next year. I don’t look forward to having them away all day, 5 days each week, instead of just 3 mornings/week.
Comment by Ellen K.— March 14, 2013 #
“LIKE”
Comment by barelysane— March 15, 2013 #
It is normal, for parents to feel sad, when their children start school, after all, the children are growing up, and, you feel that they are becoming MORE independent, and, that, is only NORMAL, for ANY parent to experience, but, you will soon realize, that the fact that they are needing you less and less IS a good thing, and, it’s ALL a part of growing UP…
Comment by taurusingemini— March 15, 2013 #
This is the type of post that speaks right to moms’ hearts. It definitely spoke to mine. Thanks for sharing. Also, it sounds like Lucky has a great imagination. That’s really something to treasure and nurture. Good for you for helping him develop that creativity.
Comment by teachmetobraid— March 19, 2013 #