Some updates.

December 20, 2006 at 12:49 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 15 Comments

I must have written the email I sent my sister-in-law about 50 times yesterday before I actually sent it. I finally emailed it the last time, not because I felt like it was a good email and I captured what I really wanted to say, but because I was starting to feel like any gesture from me would have been a good one.

Funny – I didn’t see my email as gracious. I saw it as selfish. I saw myself telling her that I was happy for her, but because there was still more ahead of us I couldn’t really show it. That HER pregnancy is hard on me. Me me me me me me ME.

Her response was so much more than I deserved.

“Thank you so much for your note. I was really in agony over telling you both because I knew how hard it would be on you. Believe it or not, I actually started crying at my first doctor’s appointment because I was thinking about you, and I told the doctor that you were having trouble, which is really the only sad thing surrounding this. J was so, so wonderful when I told him. I really couldn’t ask for a better brother. I wanted to let him tell you because I knew there would be some sadness about it, and I didn’t want to put you in a “deer in the headlights” position where you had to pretend that everything was wonderful in front of a bunch of other people.

I know it won’t be easy for you, and I don’t want you to feel like you need to pretend that everything is peachy all the time. I can only imagine how hard the past couple of years must have been for you. It’s completely up to you how much you want to talk about it. I’m very excited that Baby G will have an aunt and uncle as wonderful as you and J and trust me, you are ALWAYS in my thoughts. I keep hoping for you, and I just know that whatever happens, whether it be pregnancy, adoption, whatever… you will be wonderful parents.”

This email made me cry. More than once.

(Still, again I must count my blessings. Because this could be so much worse. Really. I am VERY lucky to be part of a family who gets it.

With a family like this, we might actually survive infertility.


One other thing happened yesterday afternoon – I heard from the surgery center of my clinic. My laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, and potential septum resection are scheduled for Thursday, January 4, 2007.

I find it ironic that it took us three weeks to get in touch for him to TELL me that I need surgery, but I can get scheduled for said surgery in two weeks. But it works out well for my schedule at work – we have a couple of weeks of calm and it really begins to heat up on January 15.

A wonderful beginning to the new year – clean out all the crap that’s getting in the way of getting pregnant. Start our cycles with a clean slate. A clean Ute.

I’m really pretty scared, actually. Those of you who have had laps, do you have any assvice to share?



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  1. Your SIL’s response was very moving. (I’m very proud of you for taking that first step to address this with her, by the way.) I’m glad things are more out in the open now and you don’t have to worry as much about feeling like they’re tiptoeing around you. I wish your own family were more supportive throughout all this, but you’ve got something special with J’s family, and that counts for a lot.

    Glad you were able to get in the surgery before your busy season kicks into high gear. Here’s to a cleansing start to the new year!!


  2. Dear Serenity, great e-mail, great response… you guys are handling this amazingly well. And that’s so precious, considering all the misunderstandings and tensions surrounding IF…

    Start the year with a clean ute… I like it! But now I’m confused — I thought you’d had a lap already when your BU was diagnosed. (?) Anyway, I have no advice/input to offer except: The operation (I had my hyst/lap/septum removal in February, if you’d like to read up on it) wasn’t as bad as I anticipated — the pain afterwards was really negligible (granted, they didn’t insert one of those balloons into me). Just get ready for gas pain the next day in your chest area… that was by far the most uncomfortable part for me. Otherwise I was really surprised at how smoothly the recovery went. And I hope it’s similarly smooth for you!

  3. I teared up a little too. You’re all going to be able to work it out together, that’s great. Then I laughed when you said, well, she can afford to be gracious…

    Lap-wise, mine really was a breeze. So much less demanding than the stim cycle it wasn’t funny. And… am I remembering right and you got OHSS too? Then again my lap/hyst was look-only, so might not be exactly the same experience. In any case, I imagine you’re going to be scared anyway… good to see it’s all scheduled in nicely at any rate.


  4. Your SIL’s response was wonderful! It is amazing that there are some fertile women out there that really do get it. They don’t have to understand what we are going through, but the are respectufl and considerate of our feelings. It really is great to have someone that takes so much concern in your feelings!

    Wow, it’s like your Ute is getting a New Year’s Resolution! I hope 2007 brings you all the best.

  5. Kath – Thanks for the comment. I only had a hysteroscopy with Ute was orginally diagnosed – at that point it looked like I had endometrium/myometrium from the inside. The 3D u/s showed that on the outside I didn’t have much of a heart-shape. With the IVF failures, my RE wants to revisit it. That’s why it’s only a “potential” septum removal. I’ve not yet had a lap. Hopefully it’ll go smoothly as yours did!

  6. Indeed, what a thoughtful response from your SIL. And indeed, the procedure in early January sounds promising. I look forward to hearing what transpires.

  7. I am so glad that you have family that ‘gets it’.

    Take care and good luck with your surgery

  8. #1-I want to trade SIL’s with you.
    #2-I have had SEVEN laps-each new doc wanted to “see for himself” and had a couple others thrown in for other things.
    #3 Kath is pain except for the next day gas that has to work its way out.A heating pad on my shoulders helped a bunch.
    #4 Vicodin or codeine for #3.
    #5 I had a septate (same thing as septum?) and ended up with two successful full term pregnancies.
    #6 Refer to #4, just for the fun of it 🙂

  9. Her email back to you was very nice. And, yes it is easy for someone to be gracious because they are pregnant, but the response could have been not so gracious. So, I say kudos to you both for being so kind and understanding with the whole situation.

  10. Your SIL’s response made me cry too!

    I know how difficult this must be, I recently found out my younger sister is pregnant.

    I find it challenging that something so wonderful for HER is so hard on ME. But after four years of ttc, I also try to let myself off the hook a little and realize that it is going to be really difficult at times, and that that’s okay.

    Your SIL is a very gracious woman. My sister started out asking me to plan her a fancy baby shower, so I’ve been experiencing the not-so-gracious side of things. To say it’s a bummer is an understatement, at times I’m just beside myself.

    But on a happier note, good luck with the lap and I wish you all the best in the New Year!

  11. What a nice response from SIL. She sounds like a great lady.

    What great news that you were able to get your surgery scheduled so quickly. It has been a long time since I have had a lap, but I don’t remember it being too terrible. I was sore for a few days, but I don’t remember being in any serious pain.

  12. I thought your email to SIL was great and her response was also wonderful. It’s nice to know that she is trying to be understanding and helpful and sensitive. It goes a long way.

    I’m glad you were able to get the surgery scheduled so soon! That’s a great relief to you I’m sure. I never had a lap so no assvice here. Just make sure to take care of yourself afterward.

  13. Really pretty amazing on both your parts if you ask me. Family support is not a given in infertility and I’m glad that she gets it. Rare is the fertile who does!

    I hope you get to share your own good news early next year. I like your attitude about the new start. Januarys are good for that.

  14. How grateful you must be for in-laws like yours! As for the lap, I had one. They found very minor endo and removed it and a few cysts on the ovaries and removed them too. I think the more they have to remove the more soreness you’ll feel. I took a few days and a few percocet and did pretty well. I remember moving around slowly for about a week too, but then it was ok. The surgery itself was a BREEZE. I love General Anesthesia! After getting the relaxation drug, I remember telling the anesthesiologist to look at my toes because I’d had them painted and weren’t they pretty? He was about 50 and not too impressed, but I had a grand old time. I remember being wheeled into the OR and then that’s it. Woke up in recovery. OH and then I had 3 incisions that were very very small. The one in my belly button I could never find. The other two were down near my pubic bone and they itched when they were healing, but the incisions really didn’t bother me much. I hope your surgery goes as well as mine did. I even noted in my blog last May when I had mine that if I was told today that I had to have another lap tomorrow I wouldnt even be nervous! You can read back in my archives for May where I discussed the surgery in detail. 🙂 Good Luck! I hope this surgery brings the results you are hoping for and that by the end of 2007 you and I both will be holding babies in our arms!

  15. Your sisters email had me crying. I can only wish for a family member to be that caring. We had our IUI yesterday… and I’d decided to not tell anyone, then changed my mind on our way out- emailing friends and family about it and to keep us in their thoughts. My mom & sister’s response, “why waste the money again.”

    You are indeed blessed with a wonderful family. 🙂

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