Well, I did it.

January 4, 2008 at 2:22 pm | Posted in Pregnancy, Uncategorized | 18 Comments

My good friend C at Apronstrings was right. Well, her therapist was right, anyway. I just needed to get off my ass and stop THINKING about it already.

So I took the plunge. And I called daycares yesterday during lunch. And I’ll tell you – at first, it sucked as much as I thought it would. Talking with someone I don’t know over the phone about something I have very little idea about, when as it is I’m still having a hard time believing all of this is REAL?

Well, it just sucked.

First I called the one center in our area which I knew took infants. The director wasn’t in, so I left a message.

Then I called a couple other centers where I wasn’t sure if they accepted infants. They all confirmed for me that Squishy needed to be a year or older in order to go there.

Then I called the in-home daycares. I spoke with one woman who is less than half a mile from our house. She was nice enough. Has room for a full-time infant in mid-July. Has one baby full time now and hosts 3 toddlers from Tuesday – Thursday. She’s licensed with the state for up to 6 children at a time. Her mother lives with her, so she has a built-in set of hands. Lives right down the road from me. Her hours aren’t great – 8 – 5 (which really is a normal workday, right?), but doable. Price wasn’t too bad, considering what I was expecting.

Best of all she doesn’t think she will “fill up” between now and July, so we wouldn’t have to commit to using her until after the baby’s born.

And I was feeling pretty good about myself.

And then the center called me back. And the director was FANTASTIC. They’re in the midst of doing re-enrollment for the summer and fall “sessions” right now, so she can’t tell me if there’s an opening in the infant room yet – she told me that she’d have a better idea at the end of the month. And in the meantime, she put us on the “waiting list” of people who are interested in the center. They have an open house on January 15, where we can tour the center, meet the teachers, and get information on their programs.

Best of all, they’re not nearly as expensive as I thought they’d be – it’s only about $100 more a month than the in-home daycare woman I spoke with.

For a center. With teachers. And programs. Where Squishy will go to an infant room and be surrounded by babies that are his or her own age.

So the beginnings of a plan is formulating. If a spot opens up and we like the place from what we see at the Open House, I don’t see why we won’t just go with it. If a spot DOESN’T open up, well then we have options. Maybe in home daycare until there is a spot. Or maybe my SIL will be willing to look after Squishy until we get a permanent spot.

And I can’t tell you how GOOD it feels to finally have some options and information. Apparently I was pretty stressed out about the whole thing.

__________________________________________________

I had my 26 week appointment with my OB yesterday – and my glucose test. It wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be – the stuff tasted so much like a soda that I actually asked the nurse if she had instead given me a coke. It did give me instant heartburn, which totally sucked. But otherwise? No big deal. And I’ll know on Monday if I DIDN’T pass – they told me that if I didn’t hear anything from them that all was well.

Squishy again played doppler dodger, though he did kick the doppler when my nurse was looking for the heartbeat. Which surprised her, I think – she jumped and laughed.

Cheeky baby.

And funniest, my doctor actually asked me about birth control once Squishy was born. To her credit, she DID say that she understood that the baby was a product of a number of years of fertility treatments. But she wanted to ask anyway.

Hah. Birth control won’t be neccessary for us.

As I sat in the chair yesterday to have my blood drawn, it hit me. It’s been MONTHS since my last blood draw. During IVF, I had draws at least once a week – and towards the end, it was daily.

How quickly I’ve forgetten the drudgery of fertility treatments. The needles. The injections. The blood draws. The ultrasounds.

I suppose infertility was something I just got used to. And maybe that’s why I’m still having such a hard time being completely, 100%, utterly convinced that we’re going to bring home a live baby from this. And why I can’t set up the nursery. Or call daycares. Or really consider the whole labor and delivery process right now.

Because infertile time is slow time. (Yes, I borrowed that line from one of my favorite movies. Anyone know where it came from?) It’s filled with tests and blood draws and ultrasounds and two week waits. And in the meantime, you can’t really do any planning. Because you’ need the data from the cycle in order to actually KNOW why it isn’t working. And at this point, you’ve already spent years trying for that baby, and now you’re thinking that it might not actually work out.

So you don’t want to get your hopes up. Because you know that if you do, it’ll hurt when you end up empty-bellied yet again.

And that’s what so WEIRD about this whole thing. Because as I type this, I can feel my baby move inside me. And with every passing day, I can tell they’re BABY MOVEMENTS. Rolling over. Hiccups (and even at 4 in the morning, when I can’t sleep because of the movement, it’s damn cute). Kicks. Curling up into my rib.

And I have a LOT of hope nowadays. When I imagine holding my baby for the first time, I feel like crying. Because I love this baby so goddamn much already, and I can’t wait to meet him or her.

What gets me, though, is how FAST time seems to be going right now. I feel like I need more time to wrap my head around the idea that we get to do this.  That we’re this lucky. That, after more than three years since we began trying, in three months we actually might be parents.

It’s just crazy, that’s all.

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18 Comments »

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  1. I’m so glad you have an option that may just work out for you all. I hope the visit to the center goes well and helps you make a final decision. We love so many things about our daughter’s center! 🙂

    D

  2. As I read through the latter part of your post, I’m reminded of your earlier posts because I’m there now. I can’t imagine beyond last Thursday that I’m still pregnant. I know you still have certain feelings of uncertainty, but I can’t help but envy you so badly right now.

  3. Yay you did it!!! I am so glad that you found 2 good places. It is ncie to see you this happy and excited
    Hugs

  4. It is crazy and wonderful that you will be parents. Yay!

  5. Good for you about the daycare. We are going with a center vs in home for exactly the reasons you listed. Plus the day care has cameras in all the rooms, so I can check in on them all day online. Needless to say, I may never get any work done again!

    I had a hard time really preparing for pregnancy and parenting. Always putting things off because I was afraid it was jinxing myself. But I kind of HAD to start the process earlier than I would have liked, being that I was having twins and I was so worried at the end that I would get put on bedrest. Every minute of it was scary. Of course, after I gave birth, I was like “Gosh, what was I so worried about??” So easy in hindsight. 😎

    Good luck momma!

  6. Gotta love the birth control concerns. And good for you for calling those day care centers. This may inspire me to do the same.

  7. Very proud of you for taking the plunge and making those calls! Brave S!! x

  8. I’m glad you’ve got some leads for day care! It will happen!

  9. New to your blog, but know you from TTC and now DFM. I know it seems funny now, but that birth control speech is worth a listen. Take it from me – 3.0 is due when my twins will be 21 months. My OB laughed at me when I called her to tell her. Apparently, infertility – even the hopeless kind where your first RE tells you you’ll never have kids with your husband, and it takes 2 IVF cycles to get a live baby or two – is not the most effective birth control. Who knew?!?

  10. I love this post. I love the way the daycare thing went but mostly I love how you describe infertile time, and how we get used to the crap, and how horribly slow it is. Congrats on a very very good day with some hope!

  11. The first step is the biggest hurdle!

    And yeah, I keep expecting this pregnancy to take at least six years or something, too. It’s just the timeframe my mind’s used to.

    Bea

  12. I’ve been lurking your blog a while now, I love it. I’m so thrilled that you have two great care options for your little one, and even more thrilled at the progression of your pregnancy. Mine has gone by really fast, but this last week seems to be in a slow motion time warp (I’m due monday).

  13. Yay for the daycare options.

  14. I have to admit, your descriptions of baby inside you are SO enticing, I get SO envious. I hope to someday experience what you are going through…
    Good for you for calling daycare places!

  15. Hey serenity, really glad it looks as if this will work out for you. HOwever, one thing I don’t understand. Why are you so much happier with daycare than a single person caring for him, esp since it sounds as if he’d be the only baby she’s taking care of? Babies don’t care about other babies, although they are v interested in older children, and a lot of the research on attachment says that the critical thing is that babies have a single consistent primary caregiver, not multiple ones. What is it about daycare which is so much more appealing?

  16. I hope you don’t mind me saying that there is some evidence that a childminder (as we call them in the UK) ie an at home/family environment is better than a nursery, whatever facilities it may have, for a small child (esp for boys under 3)

    xx

  17. Your excitement in your post made me smile. I am so happy for you.

  18. Dear Serenity, Happy New Year! After being away for ages, I am finally back and fully caught up now. It’s so good to see everything progressing so well for you — it’s wonderful that you’re feeling Squishy so consistently now. How that must help you to realize that this is real, when all your infertile instincts are still understandably saying it’s not. (I had just those instincts to go on for the longest time, as my anterior placenta kept me from feeling Banana’s movements until well in the twenties.) It messes with your head, doesn’t it, this state?

    Good for you for calling about day care. I can just imagine how daunting that prospect is, and was similarly paralyzed when it came to any call to do with after the birth. (Midwife? Pediatrician? Paperwork? Inquiring about part-time day care options? All those things made me break out in a cold sweat, and I confess that now, more than three months after the birth, I still haven’t called about day care.) I hope and trust you will find the option that’s right for you and Squishy.

    Yes, time speeds up incredibly, doesn’t it? So much still to do, so many preparations — practical, emotional and mental — begging to be made, so little time for anything. Why can’t the first trimester be the quick one????


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