Is it Friday yet?

January 30, 2008 at 12:54 pm | Posted in Pregnancy | 12 Comments

All of your comments yesterday are absolutely spot on. Objectively, yes. It DOES seem like there’s a very big difference between admitting to physical limitations related to pregnancy… and what I termed as playing the pregnancy card.

But. In practice? For me anyway, it’s very hard to balance being self-aware and self-involved. It’s a very fine line.

The good news is this: At 9pm, when I’m still at work and close to exhaustion, I don’t really CARE if I’m being selfish. I’m tired. And my baby needs for me to sleep.

So.

Let’s just say I’m getting used to saying “I need to go home now, I’m sorry.”

____________________________________________

I mentioned last week that the daycare we were interested called us and told us they’d have a spot, beginning in September. Yesterday was our deadline to respond. After emailing another in home provider who told me that she had “no idea what her availability would be for the summer,” J and I decided to take the spot. For myriad reasons, but overall, we like the center, J has met and likes both the infant teachers, and we think it’s a good place for our baby to go.

So J called me yesterday to tell me that he’d arranged to fill out the paperwork and drop off 1/2 month deposit next Thursday.

And it’s funny. As soon as I got off the phone with him, I was hit with an anxiety attack which lasted a good half hour.

Were we making the right decision? What were we going to do until September – could we really afford to be out of work that long? Should I have called more places, seen more daycares? After all, we still have time before Squishy is here. Were we rushing into making a decision just so we could say that we had made one?

Eek. 

This choice was so much different than the kind of crib we decided to buy. Or the bedding set theme. Or the cute little frog newborn sleeper I registered for Squishy’s take home outfit. Daycare is a big deal. Because, for 8 hours a day, my child will be nurtured by his or her teachers.  

It was my first real experience with making a decision that will directly affect the welfare of my child.

And, forgive me for being crass here, but WOW the cost. When J said that he was putting down a half month’s fee, I was struck with the financial implications of having a baby. The cost of diapers. Perhaps formula. Daycare. All of a sudden, I wished that the padding in our savings account was a lot higher. And I confess – I panicked about how we’d be able to afford a baby.

*sigh*

The good news is that none of this is written in stone. If for whatever reason the daycare doesn’t live up to our expectations, we can find an in home provider for our baby. And we’ll manage the money aspect, too – we are certainly not the first to have a baby. We do ok, money-wise. And we’ll do what it takes to make it work – whatever sacrifices we need to make. 

But wow. I thought I’d be relieved when we made a choice on daycare – certainly one less thing on our list to prepare for our baby’s arrival. So I was really surprised when the anxiety hit.

Apparently the uncertainty doesn’t really ever go away.

Must get better about managing it.

____________________________________________

I’m starting to think that Squishy is doing his or her best to turn for me. Each night this week, in the middle of the night, I wake up in pain, where Squishy is wedged into some odd sort of contortion which puts a LOT of pressure on my rib (and therefore my back. Yes, I know it sounds weird. But the pain of my rib wraps around into my back, making it very.freaking.painful).

Last night, I actually had to get up and massage the hard ball of baby in my belly to entice him to move into a position which is a lot more comfortable for the both of us.

I do this while laughing, of course. Because I think it’s funny. And I sort of feel bad that my poor baby is wedged in there so tightly that s/he can’t move very well.

But. I’m also looking at it as practice for the real deal flip in the next couple of weeks.

I hope, anyway.

My new thing is that I’d sort of really like to avoid a c-section. Not that giving birth vaginally is going to be some sort of picnic or anything. And ultimately I really DON’T care what I need to do, provided I have a healthy baby at the end.

But I’ve spent a lot of time on OR tables. For HSGs. Hysteroscopies. Laparoscopies. Egg retrievals. Embryo transfers.

I suppose I’m hoping that my body will do something it’s supposed to do, that’s all.

Guess we’ll have to see, though, eh?

Advertisements

12 Comments »

RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

  1. As far as daycare goes. P and I only looked at one as well. We just really liked the place Kirsten is going. We liked the teachers, the staff, and the location. Yes, it’s expensive. But really, it is worth it. I mean would you really want to economize with Squishy’s care? I don’t think so.

    As my MIL once told me and P: When it comes to money and children you just make it work. It seems like a lot up front, but in the end you will make it work.

    About the whole September start date for Squish. Any chance J will have some vacation time to take? Then you can take a couple weeks off as well after his time is done. Not really the greatest solution, using vacation time. BUT, it would allow him to have time with Squish, and you too 🙂

    You know I’m around for any questions in regards to feeding.

  2. It does sort of make me do a double-take sometimes when I think about how demanding, how difficult the job of being a parent is (probably not helping your anxiety here, eh?). And I think that I want this? But I do, and as you said, plenty of other people manage to do it too. My MIL also had similar advice to the money and kids situation: you just do it and it works out. You’ll be really putting your advanced degrees to work then, supporting your family!

  3. When I decided to drop to support status as a nurse in December, we thought I would continue to work FT til the end, and bank a ton of money at the new higher rate. Then my back problems and the contractions kicked in and I find I can only tolerate the physical labor of nursing 16-24 hours a week. And it really isn’t that bad. I am still taking 3 months off, and we are just tightening our belts a little. I’m planning on cloth diapering, and I find myself perusing my dog-eared copy of the Tightwad Gazette a lot, but overall I have to say we’re both happier, even though we worry about money more.

  4. Have too agree playing the pregnancy card is very different from the very real physical limitations.

    Well done on all the decisions and I hope that Squishy does turn around.

  5. I love your crib and bedding choice!
    You’ll figure it all out, hopefuly while maintaining your serenity.

    🙂

  6. Ya know, one of my biggest fears was money before Sean was born. Daycare, formula, diapers, clothes, etc… (especially daycare). But it turns out that Sean became our priority. Our “hobby” if you will. We gave up some of our previous spending priorities without even realizing it — and that money now goes to things for Sean. In fact, I’m finding that I ENJOY buying things Sean needs. It is the equivelant of when I used to buy craft products or a new DVD before he was born (things I used to enjoy pre-baby). I think you’ll find that happens for you too :-). No worries on the money.

  7. Like your picks for crib and nursery. Your anxieties are very normal about daycare, etc. You won’t really “know” if you have made the right decision until Squishy is here and in daycare, etc. The money, daycare, etc. will work out (this coming from someone who occasionally panics about having to do all this again while dealing with a 9 year old too!). You and your husband will make it work–to the point of it being second nature.

  8. I adore the bedding set you chose. I was considering it myself for my LO for awhile, but ended up going with a Pooh theme that also has lots of Hunny Bees. 🙂

    My baby flipped on her own before 35 weeks and I’m not sure I knew it, though I certainly recognize your description of the stretching/pain feeling. Mine like to push on my left hip bone like she wants it removed.

    And you wouldn’t be a responsible adult if you didn’t at least get concerned about the costs of raising a child – my husband did the math on diapers last night and nearly flipped out.

  9. I love the froggie sleeper you picked out for a take-home outfit! Too cute!

  10. Mine was breech at 32 weeks, so I went to check out the stats – apparently only 3-4% of babies stay that way.

    In my case, by 34 weeks it flipped and so far it’s staying put (I’m at 36+5). My doctor said that at this point there’s almost no chance it will flip back.

    I too want to avoid a c-section. Especially since I chose the most boring hospital in the universe and my plan is to escape at the first chance I get… (OK, that and that I don’t think recovering from major surgery while having a newborn sounds like much fun).

  11. I think you’ll know whether or not you’re comfortable with your decision when Squishy is actually here. It’s one thing to imagine dropping your baby off at day care and another thing to do it. That “mommy” gut feeling thing will be in high gear. I’m hoping that you’ll be content with your decision as finding a suitable child care choice is a very hard thing, but give yourself a chance to figure out if it’s really what you want for your baby and your family.

    Very cute choices for the room. Have you checked out all of the accessories that come along with that bedding? Makes for a very, very sweet nursery.

    I’ve fallen victim if you will, to 2 c-sections and I (personally) couldn’t be happier. I’m way too much of a planner so I liked knowing when I’d have my babes. I’m all for vaginal births too…as I’ve been around for those with friends. The section recovery is fine, tough perhaps, but you’re so flipping giddy with your new love that you could care less about how much it hurts (at least that’s what happened to me). It’s not that bad really. I took my pain meds and was down to one a day before I even left the hospital. Trust me, you’ll be happy to see that sweet little face, you won’t care too much about how the heck he/she arrives. After my 2+ years of infertility, I would’ve run a marathon the next day I was so psyched to finally be a mama.

    Keep up the good work!

  12. I love the bees, they’re absolutely adorable!!!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.
Entries and comments feeds.

%d bloggers like this: