That’s just crazy talk.

February 12, 2008 at 12:48 pm | Posted in Pregnancy | 12 Comments

I really find it somewhat annoying that the DBTs would return now. Because, well – the likelihood of anything happening to Squishy at this point in my pregnancy is PRETTY. DAMN.LOW. (knock on wood, knock on wood!!)

I suppose it’s because there’s so much that needs to happen to get Squishy from inside of me… into my arms. And again, there’s the whole IF thing. You know, where I am trying to prepare myself for the worst case scenario. Right now, the worst case scenario is that I go into the hospital to give birth… and return home with empty arms. 

My worst fear.

But, as Bea said in her comment, the alternative is to be completely unprepared when Squishy does get here. Which will make our life much harder than it needs to be. So I guess I still need to work on letting go of the fear.

And of course, I CAN always rub my belly to incent Squishy to move when I haven’t felt much movement in a while. Despite J’s protests “let the poor baby sleep!” 🙂

As for nursery pictures? I will absolutely post them. I have a bit more work to do in the baby’s room, which is part of the reason why I haven’t taken any pictures before now. And of course, there’s an element of getting used to the room being a baby’s room – instead of it being merely The Room Which Will Be The Nursery.

In fact, I wandered into it last night when I got home from work, marvelling at the fact that it’s a real baby room. With a crib. 

For OUR baby.

I STILL can’t believe we’ve gotten this lucky. Freaking 8 months of being pregnant… the back pain… heartburn… pelvis pain… growing belly… feeling the baby actually move… head in my rib… etc…

And I still have a hard time connecting all of this to the reality that we might in fact actually bring home a baby of our own.

It’s just… insane.

Completely

Utterly

Insane.

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12 Comments »

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  1. I get it 110%. And when you figure out how to overcome the fear and the disbelief, would you let the rest of us know? 🙂

    Seriously, commiting to all the preparations absolutely frightens me. Lots of work needs to be done to the Room that Will Be The Nursery and the thought of even starting it paralyzes me. I know that “we have time” but you also know how long it takes Mr. LIW to finish a project, even with my help. But I truly feel like starting the process will jinx this pregnancy.

    I am here for you. Of course, I have no advice, but I am here to listen and support you. And to tell you that the rest of us are confident that Squishy will soon turn into a real, live, healthy baby in that nursery!!

    XOXOXO

  2. I absolutely can’t wait to see nursery pictures! 🙂 Lily is now 10 months old, and I still can’t believe she’s ours. Some mornings, right as I’m waking up, it hits me that there’s a little girl waiting for me downstairs, and I literally want to run down there and hug her. It’s fantastic! I can’t wait for you to hold Squishy in your arms!! 🙂

  3. Gosh, Serenity, I’ve written these exact two posts before I think. And I confess, we couldn’t bring ourselves to even START the baby’s room until he was home. He slept in a bassinett (purchased at a garage sale for $20) next to my bed. I washed only the bare minimum of clothes before he was born. We bought a travel system only because we’d need the carseat to get him home. And that was about it. He was 8-weeks old before he had a bedroom. And toys. And more clothes.
    BTW, I tried the breech tilt. Didn’t work for me, but I have heard of people who it did work for. Have you checked into seeing a chiropractor who specializes in the Webster technique? I’ve heard that works too. 🙂

  4. I could have written this post myself. I think that’s the biggest fear I’ve had this whole pregnancy. This pregnancy has been fairly easy, and I just keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. So it seems really hard to believe that we will have a healthy baby at the end of this. I’m scared to get my hopes up.

    Thanks for posting!

  5. Yep, it’s pretty much like that. 🙂

    Chances are good things will be ok. Really.

    Thinking of you, though. I felt that way, too…get it over with so we know it’s all ok.

  6. It really doesn’t feel real for awhile. I think it’s that coping mechanism – I watched her come out of my body, I held her – and it still felt so surreal. The ride home – talk about an out of body experience.

    You will make it. It will be real. And it will feel real when you’re ready.

  7. When I got nervous I hadn’t felt the baby move in a while, I ate chocolate ice cream. That always woke her up :). (My mother was appalled that I was using sugar and caffeine on my baby like that, but hey, whatever works!)

  8. So I think there may be something in addition to the normal regular DBTs. A friend of mine was due 4 weeks after me last year, and after A died, she went into a rabbit hole for about two weeks– she couldn’t handle being pregnant after that. Her doctor told her it was as if she was going through a vanishing twin syndrome. You are clearly not having the same type of reaction, but a friend of yours just lost her babies. and it’s just possible that the additional DBTs are due to that.

    But, as everyone else said, most babies make it. Most babies make it.

  9. I can only imagine how you feel. I’m only on IVF #1 and I’m all jinxed out for sure! Logically speaking, the stats are very much in your favor. I don’t think there are very many people who have suffered with fertility issues that don’t think that there’s a Murphy’s Law cloud hanging over their head, but you MADE it and you should enjoy your success!!! Congrats!

  10. Actually, Julia’s vanishing “twin” theory makes sense. It always leaves you a bit shaken when a loss happens close by. Also, I think it’s probably normal to start getting more anxious again towards the end.

    I had to laugh at J and “leave that kid alone” though. Same scenes happen around here!

    Bea

  11. I tried a lot of the positions and exercises to get my little one to turn, but he hasn’t been very cooperative. Hopefully, yours will turn soon!

  12. Bo is 12 weeks old today and it STILL doesn’t feel real. He is upstairs asleep right now and even as I listen to his breathing on the monitor I just can’t believe I have a baby. And he is here. And alive. And mine. And no one is going to take him from me.

    It truly is the most amazing thing ever.

    I spend so much time just looking at him. I take his little feet out of his footie pjs and look at them. I marvel at this creature that I started creating with all kinds of drugs nearly a year ago.

    I wish someone could tell me when it will really sink in!


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