It’s going to be a long three weeks. (aka: fear)

March 13, 2008 at 12:03 pm | Posted in Pregnancy | 19 Comments

So yesterday morning, when I got up (late of course) for my morning shower and saw a markedly lopsided knot on the right side of my belly, I have to confess that I was a TINY bit freaked out by the position our baby was in.

And when I rubbed said knot fairly vigorously and didn’t feel much movement at all in response, I got a little panicky. But I was in the shower, after all. And Squishy doesn’t usually move a lot when I’m first up.

So when I was in the car,  played my favorite Gu.ster song, and rubbed my belly again, and I got a little kick in response, I was only marginally satisfied.

Because, well, it was a solicited kick.

Usually Squishy grooves right along to my favorite Gu.ster song.

So I waited for another agonizing 15 minutes to feel some sort of unsolicited movement. Nothing. 

I tried to remain calm and breathe. I told myself I’d give Squishy 10 more minutes before I called my OB and drove myself straight to the hospital for monitoring. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

And then I felt it. 

A slow dragging of his/her feet across my Ute. 

And then again. 

A kick.

And then a squirm.

And then, our baby woke up and started moving again. Regularly.

I focused on getting my heart rate back into a more normal zone out of the “panic” it had been.

I breathed deeply. In and out, in and out.

For the rest of the day, I was not aware of much but my baby. Whenever s/he shifted, inwardly I exhaled in relief. I mentally counted kicks. I cheered silently when there was a particularly vigorous burst of movement in there.

And this morning, when I was woken at 3am to movement again in my belly… I curled on my side and wrapped my arms around my middle in gratitude. And I dozed off again to the rhythm of my baby’s kicks.

There is absolutely no reason why I should be THIS panicky about the health of my baby.

But I am anyway.



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  1. Hey, it’s how you feel. No apologies needed. After the news you have gotten lately, I think it’s normal. You should check out my latest blog post… it’s in line with what you are going through with your thoughts. The irrational side of your brain.

    *hugs* only a few more weeks. You can then hold Squishy and see that he/she is fine. Then, if you are really worried, you can poke him/her while sleeping to make sure all is well. Although, I don’t recommend it 😀

  2. FWIW, I freaked out alot at the end of my pregnancy because of less movement, but in reality, if you think about it, there’s not a whole lot of room in there anymore! I agree, if you feel like you’re not feeling as many movements as you should, don’t hesitate to go to the hospital for a non-stress test. I think I lived at the hospital the last 4 weeks of my pregnancy doing those tests. It never failed…as soon as they got me hooked up, the child would move. But, I had peace of mind that I knew everything was ok, and I also got to hear his little heartbeat. Oh, and they always had me drink lots of cold cold water before the tests. That’d usually get him moving. 🙂

    You’re almost there! Hang in there….everything will turn out just fine…

  3. I’m usually just a lurker but I had to comment when I saw that Squishly loves Gu.ster!! Big Gu.ster fan here too! Glad he/she woke up and gave you that piece of mind…maybe he/she was just sleeping late too 😉

  4. Just a couple more weeks to go….ugh, like a final 2WW, isn’t it?

  5. I had less of the panic about movement because, well, Ethan like NEVER EVER moved. The whole pregnancy. But that said, I ended up in the hospital the DAY BEFORE THE BIRTH because I was scared he’d gone into distress and OHMYGOSH I didn’t feel him.

    Though I conveniently forgot what I just said…that he sort of never moved. 🙂

    It’s just a little while longer. But if you feel scared, do call your OB. They’d rather you come in for no reason than to have something happen!

    Go baby go!

  6. I totally know where you’re coming from. It’s just the suddenness of the change, from do-be-do to…blah. The Chieftain did exactly the same thing, except he stopped moving when I rubbed his little knee/leg.

    I have to admit, those days were awfully frightening. Please don’t hesitate to call your OB if you feel something is wrong – your gut feelings are there for a reason!

  7. I think that your fear is totally understandable. Of course, any baby that loves Gu.ster is awesome in my book.

  8. Understandable. Very understandable.

  9. Like you did, remember to breathe. You and Squish are in my prayers. I hope you are able to enjoy the remainder of this special time.

  10. Gotta love that he/she loves rocking out to Guster! I love them, and my little guy loved moving to them too before he was born. I hear you on the fear. I think it’s completely normal to be concerned. Another way to get him/her moving is to have a glass of juice, and wait about 20 minutes. The baby should be bouncing off the walls by then.

  11. I didn’t exhale while reading that post until you said that you did!

    You are doing fine. Don’t beat yourself up, sweetie, because you are nervous and afraid. It’s understandable. Us IFers know too much and keep waiting for that damn other shoe to fall (though it almost NEVER does.) You did absolutely the right thing. And your plan was a good one. You set a reasonable timeframe for calling your OB and you did what you needed to to make sure Squishy would move. and then you monitored his/her movements throughout the day. Perfect!

    Just take one breath at a time…..


  12. Given the recent losses in the blogosphere, I’d say your fears are understandable.

    Keep kicking, Squishy. Mommy needs to know you’re ok.

  13. I understand your fears completely. Even if you think there is “no reason”. Who needs a reason?
    And I’m with DD… the last few weeks are so mauch like a 2ww. There are so many “what ifs” that are still up in the air.
    Thinking of you.

  14. Definitely fewer kicks and movement towards the end. I was thrown for a loop as well, but hang in there. You have no reason to think that something is wrong and every reason to except a healthy baby.

  15. Your fears are totally reasonable. Sending tons of positive thoughts your way! 🙂

  16. Deep breaths, deep breaths. Not much longer to hang in there.


  17. I am the same way Serenity. I have been living like that for a long time, even more now after Natalie’s news. It is so stressful. I;ve been getting biophysical exams toc heck movement and the other day I panic and went to the hospital to a NST
    you’re not alone.

  18. Heck, I plan to panic early and often for the duration of my pregnancy!

    Very glad to hear all turned out well.


  19. I was a mess before I was admitted to the hospital at 37 weeks for low water, but every night at the hospital alone and scared, all i did was cry and hope for movement or for the fetal echocardio machine. It was all I could hold onto those 5 days before he was born.

    Just hang in there. All will be okay, relax and listen to your body!

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