May 9, 2008 at 7:28 am | Posted in Infertility, rants, The second month | 8 Comments

I spend a lot more time in front of the television these days; it gives me something to do while nursing Baby O. So I’ve seen probably all of the Mother’s Day commercials.

And I’ll tell you something.

I still dread Mother’s Day.

Since we’ve brought Baby O home, I feel like we’ve been accepted into some fancy CLUB of people who have kids. We’ve been invited to (and attended) kid birthday parties. I’ve heard from friends of whom I haven’t seen in years. And I’ve already gotten TWO Mother’s Day cards – neither of which came from my parents or inlaws.*

When I look at Baby O, I feel lucky to be his mom. I really do. My experience with parenthood thus far makes me really appreciate my own mother and what she did to raise me. (Which I didn’t expect. It’s really refreshing to appreciate my mom.)

But I still hate Mother’s Day.

I hate that it’s a holiday of exclusion for some women who would do anything to celebrate it.

I hate it like I hate Valentine’s Day – that it’s a Hall.mark holiday for the purpose of buying expensive gifts (remember, every kiss begins with K.ay and a diamond is forever and oh boy he went to Ja.red!) and flowers to prove your love and appreciation.

I hate how Mother’s Day makes me feel like I’ve done something remarkable in getting pregnant and having a child, when really I had nothing to do with much of it at all.

Clearly some scars of infertility remain. And I do know that I’m struggling with assimilating the whole “mom” thing into my own identity – I don’t really know who I am anymore. That’s a post for another day though.

All I know is that, this Sunday, my thoughts will be with the women who dread this “holiday.” Much love to you.

*I don’t want to give the impression that I’m not thankful to receive them. In fact, I’m touched by the cards I’ve gotten; that people are thinking of me on Mother’s Day. I think that, most likely, my issue is that I still feel like I’m faking this motherhood thing. And I dread the holiday because it reminds me that there are so many other women out there that actually ARE mothers, whereas I am pretending. It’s irrational and probably completely insane.



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  1. I think it’s not as much about getting pregnant and having the child as it is about all that work and sacrifice you do after the fact. Being a mom is one of the hardest jobs in the world, and I don’t see anything wrong with being appreciated for that. And I agree…I appreciate my mom way more now than I ever did before.

    So, um, er, well. Ignore the card that’s on its way to you?


  2. You deserve a Happy Mother’s Day. It’s a day for celebrating the accomplishments of women who raised and are raising children. It’s still going to be a holiday that smarts for me, but that doesn’t mean you should celebrate. Being a mother is a lot of work!

  3. m day is hard for so many people. i still feel it too.

    i like v-day. you don’t have to buy a card or a diamond, and don’t we all benefit from a reminder to kiss on the ones we care about the most. it wasn’t started by hallmark.

    wow, it appears, i am guardian of cupid.


  4. Did you know the woman who started Mother’s Day and got it pushed through Congress grew to hate the day, and regretted that she ever thought of it? Because of the commercialism that surrounds it. I’m anti-holiday because of the commercialism that surround them (oh, I still celebrate them to some extent, but I get precious little joy from it). Anyway, I look forward to receiving a card from my husband (he knows better than to get me a gift), and I hope you will have as much joy as you can. You’ve certainly earned it! — Your road to motherhood was a lot longer than many others’ and with a lot more heartache involved. Perhaps you can send a Mother’s Day thank-you card to the various people who helped you on your journey to motherhood (doctors, nurses, clinics, etc.).

  5. If this is how you truly feel than you might have a little postpartum depression. Feelings of inadequacy and such are pretty normal for new moms, but it kind of sounds like you are on another level with feelings of mothering pretense, guilt for even having a baby, and dread about mothering in general. Not for nuthin, you might want to speak with your doctor about these things. Too many women blow off postpartum as nothing major when in reality it’s a big deal and can present a chasm between you and your baby if left to its own devises. Just my two cents.

  6. My first long awaited MD. And yet, I won’t blog about it because I don’t want to cause any of my dear IF sister added heartache. I will celebrate & thank my lucky stars but it won’t I shout about until everyone has their miracle baby!

  7. Still can’t stand the club. Have I said that on here before? I know I’ve said it plenty of places.


  8. I hate hate hate that people are NOT able to celebrate Mother’s Day when they desperately want to be able to.

    That said, I agree with the pp who said it’s more about being appreciated after the fact for the work, and you deserve that!! šŸ™‚

    I hope you have a happy one!

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