Sad.

December 11, 2008 at 2:49 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 12 Comments

I got a call from my MIL yesterday. My SIL lost another pregnancy. Apparently she got pregnant on the first cycle she could try again, and found out when she was almost 8w that the embryo had stopped growing at 6w.

She goes in for another D&E today.

And to add insult to injury, when she does get AF, she has to wait three full cycles before trying again.

I’m so sad for her; I don’t even have the words. Last night when I called her to tell her how fucking sorry I was to hear the news, I couldn’t get past the lump in my throat.

Because about a month ago we had a long conversation about her miscarriage and how worried she was that there was something wrong with her. She told me she was on google too much and was getting scared about all the things which COULD be wrong.

Having researched the causes of our infertility ad nauseum myself, I could relate. But maybe there wasn’t anything wrong. Maybe this was something where she just ended up on the wrong side of the statistics.

Twice now.

*sigh*

It just makes my heart hurt to see people I love go through pain like this. My sister, who’s going on two years of not getting pregnant. Now my SIL, who’s had two losses, one right on top of another. (And to think: I was once jealous of her ability to get pregnant so quickly.)

And this time of year. I know – I KNOW– how hard it is. How hard it is on my sister to hear my mom say so happily to someone: “I’m expecting to have more grandkids, you know!” How hard it will be on my SIL to not be pregnant like she had expected – twice now – over the holidays.

Meanwhile, I hold Baby O close and think.

How much pain and fear went into bringing him home.

He is the light of my life.

So yes, he is worth every second of our two and a half year struggle.

But.

It doesn’t mean I am ok with it.

Not for me.

And not for my sisters.

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12 Comments »

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  1. I am so sorry for your SIL and your sister. IF is a struggle no one should have to deal with, and watching loved ones struggle after feeling that pain yourself must be unbearable. I am thinking of all of you. ((HUGS))

  2. I am so sorry Serenity for you and for your Sister and SIL.
    This time of year is hard on all of us isn’t it??? I find that even with a double stroller myself, I can’t bear to look at all the babies everywhere in the malls, at parties, in the xmas cards coming to my house. One side of me is so happy because of Gio and Jacob and the other part of me just takes deep breaths and prays that people who are struggling, well that this xmas is not so hard, that this holiday is the last one they have to face without a dream coming true.

    Like you, I hate to see anyone struggle with what we went through, it literally tears me up inside. I try to really listen, to be there for them, to remember that hole inside me and that’s when I realize that that hole might be smaller but it’s never going to be filled in, it’s never going to go away and I’m ok with that. I need to remember, so that others don’t get forgotten.

    Hugs to you and all your sisters.

  3. Im so sorry to hear this…I know its hard for you too, as you want to be there for her–Im glad she has someone like you in her life.

  4. It’s not fair. Simply not fair. Hoping your SIL and sis find their happy endings.

    D

  5. I’m so so sorry for your family – it never ceases to amaze me how common this is.

  6. I’m sad, too. No one should ever go through longing for and/or losing a child.

  7. I am so sorry for your SIL. In a perfect world no one would ever have to deal with the loss of a child or infertility.

    Take care

  8. Very sad.

  9. Damn hormones. I’m crying again. So sorry for your sister, and I’m totally in agreement with you. I love little Cameron more than I really thought possible. It’s beyond words.

  10. I’m really sorry to hear about your SIL and sister. It’s a really hard thing to lose a pregnancy. The March of Dimes has created a bereavement kit for people who have suffered the loss of a baby through miscarriage, ectopic or molar pregnancy, stillbirth, etc. The material is tender, well written and free to anyone who requests it. You can read about it at the following link and even order a free copy there: http://www.marchofdimes.com/pnhec/572_15999.asp

    I hope this will be helpful and wish your familiy all the best.

  11. I’m really sorry to hear about your SIL and sister. It’s a really hard thing to lose a pregnancy. The March of Dimes has created a bereavement kit for people who have suffered the loss of a baby through miscarriage, ectopic or molar pregnancy, stillbirth, etc. The material is tender, well written and free to anyone who requests it. You can read about it at the following link and even order a free copy there: http://www.marchofdimes.com/pnhec/572_15999.asp

    I hope this will be helpful and wish your familiy all the best.

  12. I know how heartbreaking news like that can be. I’m thinking about your SIL.


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