January 25, 2009 at 11:33 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 14 Comments

I am so frustrated with J I could just scream.*

My husband is ABYSMAL at multitasking. (A fact which he readily admits.) There have been times where, when we’ve been at his parents house, he literally cannot carry on a conversation in the same room with the TV. (Because yes, my FIL is addicted to TV. It’s on ALL THE TIME in their house.) J will stand there, oblivious to the conversation, mouth agape, drool flecking the corners.

Ok, yeah, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. However, almost EVERY TIME we’re there, J does zone out of the conversation.

When Baby O was a itty bitty newborn, J would get up with him early and take him downstairs so I could catch up on sleep. He recalls proudly that he could sit there, holding Baby O, “with a computer next to me and Sport.scenter on in the background.”

Annoyed me then. But I got to sleep in and Baby O wasn’t in any sort of danger, per se. Granted, I wasn’t HAPPY that J would essentially provide nothing but a soft place for Baby O to sleep at that point, but we all have different styles, right? And J was happy, Baby O was happy, I was mostly happy.

But you can see from Friday’s video that Baby O is no longer content to sit still. Not only that, but he’s exploring everything in our house. And we are JUST getting to babyproofing. Which means that we’ll find out IN REAL TIME what we’re going to have to remove from Baby O’s clutches.

Which means that you HAVE to keep an eye on the kid. At LEAST one eye. Two eyes, more often.

So WHY is it that every time J is “in charge” of Baby O on weekends, he HAS TO TURN ON THE DAMN TV? Or, when I ask him to watch Baby O EATING, he insists on reading the paper?

Because, you know. If Baby O chokes on that piece of pancake he’s eating, he’ll say his Daddy’s name loudly and multiple times to let him know. Because that’s what mom has to do to get dad’s attention when he’s reading the paper.

It’s the what ifs that freak me the fuck out here. If I can fall down the stairs with Baby O in my arms when I’m ANAL about counting stairs every time?

What’s going to happen to Baby O the day where J isn’t even paying attention?


*Ok, yes. Here’s my obligatory paragraph about how lucky I am, et cetera, et cetera.

Fact is, my husband is a very good dad. He adores Baby O. He plays with him. Changes diapers – both poopy and wet – without complaint. Makes silly faces. Sings goofy songs. Feeds him. Dresses him appropriately for the weather – without me having to lay out clothes. Makes bottles. Washes bottles.

In most things, J is an equal partner, an equal parent. Baby O and I are his priorities.

And I am lucky.

I don’t say that lightly, either. I hear on my boards about the husbands who insist on having everything the way it was before a baby, where the burden of ALL the care falls on the mom. Or those without husbands too.

So I SHOULD just shut up now. Because I am lucky, and J is great, yada yada.



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  1. I totally understand this post from the perspective of the husband and the tv. When the tv is on here, which is all the time that my husband is home, he is rendered useless.

    Last week, we had a discussion about the tv, things getting done (or in this case, not getting done) and I was livid. I sent him an email at work, partly to be spiteful, but partly to see what kind of reaction I would get. It simply said “I called and cancelled the cable. We will save $57 dollars a month!” His reply: “No you didn’t.”

    I told him that night that the cable would be cut off on the 20th, which is our billing cutoff date. To be a total bitch, when I came home on the 20th, I pulled the cable out of the back of the tv and waited for him to come home. As with every other night, Mr. W come home, took off his pants, put the over the dining room chair (don’t get me started on that one) and turned on the tv.

    There was nothing there. I was laughing so hard inside, but couldn’t let him know it. He flipped through a few channels and wondered what was wrong. He then recalled the email and the conversation and looked at me and said “You didn’t, did you?” I said I really did.

    Can I just tell you, it was the most productive night in our house in a long time! He immediately took his pants upstairs where they belong, folded some laundry and put his dishes in the kitchen where they should have been anyway.

    I came clean later in the evening, mostly because I wanted to watch some of the Every night since? Nothing has been done.

    I told you that story because I SO relate. I am lucky to have a good husband who helps out around the house and doesn’t expect me to do it all. But when that tv is on? He is USELESS.

    So, I guess if things with J keep getting to you, you could always unplug your cable, too!


  2. Oh my. YES. Exactly. exactly.

    My Reality – hilarious.

  3. Oh yes, we are very lucky to have wonderful husbands and wonderful fathers to our precious ones. The problem is, they don’t think like us and don’t read our minds. If someone finds a cure, please let me know!

  4. It’s okay to vent about something that truly bothers you! It doesn’t mean you’re taking J for granted for all the other wonderful stuff he does. And this one is a doosie! How does he respond if you bring this up to him? Does he just get defensive? It seems as if the only way he’ll learn is when he catches Baby O biting on the lamp cord and he sees how close a call it could have been. Not good! I wish you luck in broaching this subject my dear.

  5. I’m 100% with you. When a baby is crawling and later walking, they can get into things SO fast, even if you’re right there watching them like a hawk. (She just recently brought me my hair-cutting scissors that I didn’t realize were in a drawer we don’t have locked. Scary if I hadn’t realized quickly that she had them. She starts running and trips, and…well…I can’t even think about it!) I shudder to think of some of the trouble she could get into if we were focused on the TV instead. You hate to think of all the “what ifs” that could happen — whether likely or unlikely — but if something does happen you also want to feel like you’d done everything you can to prevent it from happening. Kids get hurt, of course, but there’s so much we all can do to prevent so many of the household accidents.

    Unofficial rule in our house is that the TV isn’t on if Baby B is awake (with a few exceptions made to have Animal Planet on to let her see some animals). I figure if the TV is on, there’s one of two scenarios: 1) We’re paying more attention to the TV and neglecting Baby B, which I don’t want since our time with her is limited; or 2) We’re paying more attention to Baby B and ignoring the TV, in which case why bother even having it on in the first place?

    Good luck tackling this subject; I know how so many men (and women!) are re: the TV. I hope it doesn’t take a firsthand experience to teach the lesson. 😦

    And to My Reality: omg, that was funny!


    No need to add the obligatory “I’m lucky” part…you’re allowed to just be pissed! It’s a dad’s job to help keep baby safe!

    I think you should do like MR, though, that was HILARIOUS.

  7. Glad to know I’m not the only one. My husband said to me recently, “I can see you are different with the baby than I am. You hold him all the time. Me, if he’s not crying, I just leave him alone.” Um, yeah. Just leaves the baby to go do something else. But other times he’s a great dad, etc, etc like J. I know he’s doing a million times more than my dad or his dad did, so I guess we’re moving in the right direction. Feel free to vent.

    My Reality, that was hilarious!

  8. It is like I wrote this!

    BigP will leave her in her swing and go to the other end of the house to do something (our house isn’t that big, but still). It drives me nuts. He doesn’t understand while I won’t leave her in her swing if she is sleeping and go shower…

  9. I hear you. Seriously. I could have written this myself. I am constantly trying not to nag. I keep telling myself that he gets to choose the way he interacts/parents our child. But when it comes to safety, there isn’t any room for negotiation. Good to know that at least we’re not alone.

  10. My husband is a fantastic Dad and Husband as well. He helps with dishes, laundry, meal prep…granted a lot of it is because I expect him to and hassle him if he doesn’t. Childcare he takes a lot on innitiative on, on his own(really if he wasn’t good at it I wouldn’t have had 3 kids with him), and is a great partner.

    But like many men…when that t.v. is on, its like he zones in and its many repeated requests and he finally in slow motion turns his head back to me. When we first started dating he we would go into the video store and that t.v. they have in there playing the videos…ya it would suck him in immediately. He would navigate aisles with this amazing bat sonar or something and not crash into anything…and barely take his eyes off the t.v the whole time. Until I pulled out something uber chick flick then a stronger male instinct would take over and he’d snap back to reality for a bit. So he often reminds me of those times and says I married him knowing he had a weakness for t.v.

    But on the plus side he doesn’t watch sports except for car racing…so I consider myself VERY lucky…and I’ll take it. Doesn’t make it any less frustrating at the time but in the grand scheme…it works out.

    And you’re allowed to complain a bit about your husband without feeling guilty 🙂 He can be the greatest guy in the world and still have issues that annoy you. At least thats the case with my greatest guy in the world 🙂 And at least he helps you make cute babies…so that counts for a lot 🙂

  11. well, maybe because it’s twins, but Mr Kir is really good about helping. I know when he needs his time and because we commute together and see each other here at work I give it to him, if hockey is on, I keep the boys with me…I don’t always LIKE it…but I do it because I know that he needs some time too. One baby is a lot and two is well…Two. HA.
    Plus kids get into things with both of you looking at them, I swear the falls, the oops, the catching of fingers has all happened, not when we weren’t looking….but when we were standing there :right there.

    BUT, all that said, he does drive me a little crazy sometimes when one is screaming and he knows I have the other one and he is still on the computer. However, I try to let him have that time because he does so much around the house for us. He vacuums, he takes the trash out (and we always have lots…recycling included), he washes the bottles from daycare, he pays the bills….etc. He loves all of us and loves those boys, has a LOT more patience than I do with them and really TRIES, which is why I don’t bi*ch and moan as much as I probably could. 🙂

  12. I don’t have babies, but my husband can come up with many excuses as to why he cannot help with the dishes! I work Fri, Sat, and Sun and all I ask is that he do the dishes at least one day during that time period! He just doesn’t get it or doesn’t want to! Now we do have a cocker spaniel and he does sorta take care of him by feeding him snacks all the time, taking him outside, etc. I would like to know what he would do with a baby…..

  13. Good Lord, I could have typed this post myself!

  14. Sigh. Yes, even with the good ones, there’s always something, sooner or later. I won’t get started because… well, because I’m happy with him today, really, because otherwise you know I would 😉


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