When Nursery Rhymes Go Bad.March 5, 2009 at 9:56 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 22 Comments
Or: Why I Need Remedial Baby Song 101. Do They Have Classes For This?
“Old MacDonald had a farm, EEYIEEYIYOOOO!
And on this farm he had a goat, EEYIEEYIYOOOO!
With a …”
“Hrm. What DOES a goat say? Baa? No. That’s a sheep. Neigh? Nope. That’s a horse. Goats do eat a lot… maybe just CHOMP CHOMP?
You know what? I have NO IDEA what a goat says.”
(Looking at baby who is now confused as to why I’ve stopped singing.)
“Well, it’s not mommy’s fault. See, she grew up in northern New Jersey, where there weren’t many farms. The MacDonald she knew was a hairdresser.”
“Hush little baby, don’t say a word, mama’s going to buy you a mockingbird,
And if that mockingbird don’t sing,
mama’s going to buy you a diamond ring.
And if that diamond ring don’t shine,
mama’s going to buy you some turpentine.*
And if that turpentine don’t clean, mama’s going to buy you a laser beam.”
“I mean, seriously. A laser beam? That will make you the COOLEST kid at school. We could zap things with it. Like the fat on mama’s belly. Though maybe that would hurt. Hrm. Ok, maybe we’d just zap bugs and stuff. Slugs too.”
Is it no wonder that Baby O’s favorite song is the Beach Boys’ “Barbara Ann?”
(Which, as an aside, I just had to GOOGLE to get the name of the song. I had no idea it was about a woman. I thought Ba-ba-baran was just random.)
Clearly, I need help.
* I need to specifically make a (belated) call out to my good friend D, who, in fact, was the first person to put the turpentine bug into my ear, since she in fact used to sing the very same song to her daughter. For the life of me I CANNOT get it out of my head. Diamond rings that shine = turpentine to me. Really.