Third post of the day.

March 12, 2009 at 8:46 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 11 Comments

I’m not sure why I feel this need to clarify. But I do, so I’m going to.

The stuff I blog about is what goes on in my twisted head. Which means that it’s pretty skewed. You all are lucky enough to see the pale white underbelly, to share in my neuroses. All the stuff that goes on in my head, you’re privy to. Because I use this forum for working out my feelings and thoughts.

However. It would be an injustice for you to assume that JUST because in this head of mine I come up with a plan in the event that a bridge collapses when Baby O and I am in the car, I am a control freak. Trust me, my mother was the biggest control freak I know. I GREW UP WITH ONE. I will NOT do the same to my child.

Or my husband.

This morning’s post was a product of WEEKS of watching my husband miss things because of inattentiveness. Driving by daycare was merely an example.

And my husband is the first to admit he’s horrible at multitasking.

So my fears are not completely unfounded.

(However, I will give you that they are exaggerated.)

I balance my fear, my irrational fear of losing Baby O, with what I know he needs in order to learn. That means I do let him fall. I don’t hover, I don’t play the overprotective mother.

It only happens in my head.

I cannot stop the fear; it’s a product of our infertile days, and I manage it as best as I can.

But when I vent about the fear of something happening to Baby O because J has been “inattentive,” trust me when I say that it isn’t based on one episode.

That’s all.



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  1. Wow – 3 in one day?! It’s obviously really bothering you. The failure to turn would have scared me, too. And I probably would have had many of the same feelings as you. Maybe I’m overprotective, too!?

  2. Yeah, but you tend to say things that we all think. You just have the courage to say it out loud. I admire that! 🙂

  3. Just to let you know…even us non-infertiles have huge fears or loosing our kids somehow…its a parent thing, not a fertility thing. I know you KNOW this…but I just wanted to remind you that this isn’t another thing infertility stole from you…every good mom goes through this. You are so normal…and a great mom.

    And as for your previous posts…that would freak me out if my hubby didn’t turn either. I have had times where I called to double check that he ropped them off or picked them up…its normal. Heck after watching Oprah years ago where a father did that accidently and his(look alike) son died…its a huge fear. But you can’t let it rule your life. And I say this as an extremely over-protective parent 🙂 I have to keep reminding myself that there are basic rules…and then there is overboard protective. I am still in the overboard protective stage…but I am learning to let go a bit. Baby steps!! My oldest child is turning 7 on Wednesday and I have never let her or the other kids with anyone besides family. Unless you count the nurse and cop family next door…which, ye know…isn’t REALLY taking much of a chance…but I am trying. I am determined to get a babysitter in at least once a month or every two weeks(remember baby steps) and have a date night. Which is soooo needed when you are married with kids!! So yay for you for getting your romantic date set up!! Good job!!

  4. and since I am anal…I have to correct the dropped(not ropped) them off and never leFt them with anyone(not let them with anyone)…

  5. Oh Serenity… you are one of the few that has the courage to say what is on your mind, that real challenges, the ups and downs… some people sugar coat their lives to make it look perfect… I admire you for being real, I thank you for that… it is your blog, say what is on your mind. We already censure ourselves all day long in real live…our blogs are for this… We are all a little crazy, a little control freak, we have crazy fears, bad days, wonderful ones too. People will judge us no matter what… I am glad that you and your husband will have a night just for the 2 of you. You 2 are wonderful parents, dealing with the natural stuff that new parents do…

  6. I’m so glad you wrote about this though. It was cathartic reading it – I can’t always write things because BigP reads my blog…but it is so nice to know that other people feel the same way.

  7. Parents are bound to have different styles. But there is definitely an issue when one of you is stressed by the other’s approach. I hope that having a little time to yourselves will make it easier for you and J to really communicate about the situation and start finding ways to improve your relationship.

  8. I’m sorry that you felt the need to clarify.

    That being said, blogs are very one sided. So, it’s never my place to judge or scold you for your choices or thoughts. It is my place to be here for you and let you know that I’m listening and care about you (’cause you know I do!). Of course, I will also cheer you on and tell you what a good job I think you are doing too.

  9. Like the others said, you’re saying what’s in our heads, no need to apologize. I hope the night out helps the two of you work things out and feel better. But I’m getting really curious now – what exactly are you going to do if the bridge collapes?

  10. 1. Your idea on the dinner and B&B is perfect. It’s what you two need to at least have time to talk. The husband and I are real talkers adn when we don’t get to, stuff builds up in bad ways.

    2. You don’t need to justify anything. I hesitate to post vents about the husband for exactly the reason you’re justifying here – that then I’ll feel bad and have to explain it was weeks of build-up, etc etc. But we’re human, things are going to build up, we’re gonig to feel certain ways even if others don’t feel it’s rational. How can that not happen? Don’t beat yourself up. Just go chat with your husband cuz he obviously feels some stuff he’s not said til now, and you’ve got some concerns, so talk talk talk:-)

    That’s it for the assvice for now. Good luck.

  11. I missed the heat of it, and I think the B&B is a good idea (has it happened yet? time is getting away from me).

    I was going to add something about my experience which is that I often hold Mr Bea to an ideal standard, one I can’t achieve myself. When I stuff up, I just feel guilty inside my own head. When he does, I berate him and feel like I’m doing everything all on my own. But that was the comment I was going to make two days ago and today I really just feel like WTF, dude, it’s not that hard to get with at least part of the program! but then it’s been a hectic week, so who can tell who’s to blame just at the moment. Sorry, was this *your* blog?

    Anyway, I hope you get it sorted and that none of your fears come to pass.


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