Changes.

June 9, 2009 at 9:19 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 22 Comments

Changes are afoot at chez Serenity Now. (My blog home, that is.)

I’ve spent most of the past week ruminating on what it is I want out of this blog. Because this space is important to me.

For almost four years now (FOUR years!), it’s been my space to vent and work through things and find my own personal Zen.

The issue I’m having is that though I’m very open about our infertility in my real life, whenever I talk about it (usually in response to someone who asks me when we’re planning another baby), I get the impression that my honest answer (“I have no idea. Baby O was an invitro baby, so really it all depends on when we feel like seeing a doctor again.”) stops people in their tracks.

TMI, I suppose.

But then I come here, and try and blog, and remind myself that I’m infertile. And write the things I wonder if the community actually wants to read. And it’s hard. Because I find myself re-writing posts in my head, becoming more apologetic with each draft, and finally just keeping it saved in my “drafts” folder instead of publishing it.

Because, see. The day that Baby O was born I sort of made my peace with our IF. Because if we were fertile, we wouldn’t have HIM. We’d have some other person, and I’m sure I’d love him or her just as much as I love Baby O.

But it wouldn’t be him.

And that thought? Moves me to tears most of the time.

Because he’s so amazing. And I love him so much.

And that’s where I struggle – feeling as if I were stuck between two worlds.

Thing is, first and foremost, I am a PARENT. And there’s lots of challenges that go along with it.

So I think that’s where this blog is going. Fully embracing parenting. Yeah, it’s parenting after infertility. But it’s parenting, first and foremost.

So look for some changes in the coming weeks. I think I could use a fresh start – a new look to the blog.

But mostly? I promise I’ll be freer with my posts. With both the good and the not-so-good.

Stay tuned.