Wishful thinking.

January 19, 2010 at 11:28 am | Posted in Infertility | 20 Comments

I thought it had actually happened this time.

My body’s signs, pointing to ovulation, were VERY clear. And strong.

And we had timed things perfectly, without really being aware that we were doing it.

And though I usually have 5 days of spotting before AF shows up, I had gotten through THREE without seeing anything.

And of course my chest was sensitive. And I had broken out on my forehead, just like I did when I got my BFP with O.

So last night I said the words aloud to J.

“I think I’m pregnant.”

And here was my thinking. Really, it would be my LUCK that I would get pregnant on my own. Because I want to focus on running this half marathon. Because I still have a little weight to lose. Because, you know, I’m convinced it’ll never happen on our OWN – that we need a doctor in order to get pregnant.

Surely those three things would invoke Murphy’s Law, right?

Not this time. Sure enough, just before bed, I saw that I was spotting.

Silly infertile.

Babies aren’t made in bed, with your husband, in love.

They’re made by shots and doctors and embryologists and catheters and semen analysis.

And though I’m grateful for the technology that gave us O?

I still wish it could be different.

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20 Comments »

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  1. I hear ya loud and clear.

    Unfortunately i hear ya

  2. How could you not think it? We’re human, and you hear so many stories of getting pregnant once through treatment and somehow it magically teaching our bodies to do things right the next time.

    Still sux.

  3. “I still wish it could be different.”

    Always and forever.

  4. I wish it could be different for you, too.

  5. I wish it was different for you as well.

  6. I wish it were different, too, although we are done TTC. I was reading a book about regaining your libido as a new mom, and as part of a checklist for sensual imagery, it said, “Remember the time you conceived your child.” Huh. I guess I’ll call up the embryologist and nudge him for suggestive ICSI details.

    Sorry for your disappointment, though. : (

  7. So agree…

  8. I’m so sorry, Serenity. I so know how it feels.

  9. I do to sweetie. I do to.

    Hugs,
    Erica

  10. Many times my hopes were crushed in the same way. Why doesn’t that Murphy’s Law work when you want it to!?! Hugs.

  11. So sorry you went through that. To be honest I was in the same situation a couple of months ago, but never mentioned it because I felt so silly. I mean my husband hs zero, but stranger things have happened, right? No probably not in my case.

  12. “Babies aren’t made in bed, with your husband, in love.” It still amazes me that I’ll never know what that’s like. Oh well. Doesn’t matter now!

  13. I wish it could be different every day – and somehow I’m lured into the same trap when we’re “trying” on our own. I have managed to not say it to Mr. Hope, but I’ve definitely thought it.

    (((hugs)))

  14. Ditto.

  15. that my prayer for you and everyone every single month.
    *hug*

  16. I did that exact one a couple of months ago. What a flipping joke – as if! Why does a rational person fall into the trap of hoping? Anyway, I wish it could be different for us all.

    Bea

  17. I know…I so know.

  18. Oh the old foe, Hope. She is so very tricky–never leaves us alone! So wishing the old fashioned way would just WORK…

  19. i’ve been on the hope train and sure dumps me at the wrong stop monthly.

    i’m so sorry.

  20. When I had those “maybe…just maybe” thoughts a week or so ago, I ALMOST told my husband. I was so glad I hadn’t because I knew that even though initially he would have been upset, he would’ve started the thinking that goes with the possibilities of a new baby. I was the only one to feel the disappointment. Maybe one of us should get tubes tied so I won’t do that to myself again.


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