Wishful thinking.

January 19, 2010 at 11:28 am | Posted in Infertility | 20 Comments

I thought it had actually happened this time.

My body’s signs, pointing to ovulation, were VERY clear. And strong.

And we had timed things perfectly, without really being aware that we were doing it.

And though I usually have 5 days of spotting before AF shows up, I had gotten through THREE without seeing anything.

And of course my chest was sensitive. And I had broken out on my forehead, just like I did when I got my BFP with O.

So last night I said the words aloud to J.

“I think I’m pregnant.”

And here was my thinking. Really, it would be my LUCK that I would get pregnant on my own. Because I want to focus on running this half marathon. Because I still have a little weight to lose. Because, you know, I’m convinced it’ll never happen on our OWN – that we need a doctor in order to get pregnant.

Surely those three things would invoke Murphy’s Law, right?

Not this time. Sure enough, just before bed, I saw that I was spotting.

Silly infertile.

Babies aren’t made in bed, with your husband, in love.

They’re made by shots and doctors and embryologists and catheters and semen analysis.

And though I’m grateful for the technology that gave us O?

I still wish it could be different.