My Secret Zen.

May 20, 2010 at 1:18 pm | Posted in My life | 7 Comments

Work has been ridiculously busy lately.

Not just busy, but stressful, too. Issues keep cropping up which require more work in less time. I’ve missed O’s bedtime. I’ve had to go in early enough that I miss seeing him when he wakes up.

Which has made me REALLY bitter. Because I worked too damn HARD to even HAVE him in my life to throw time away devoting it to something which isn’t of the utmost importance.

Consequently, I’ve been stressed (and bitter) and working too long and taking too short of a lunch and then putting pressure on myself to the perfect mother and wife when I get home.

And when I’m NOT the perfect mom and wife, because I’m tired and stressed and bitter, I feel even WORSE.

Basically it’s been what I’ve been calling The Spiral of Suck.

And I realized it yesterday when one of my wonderful blogger buddies emailed me personally. Because I actually was able to leave a comment on her blog – the first in a while.

And not only did she thank me, but then told me that she had thought maybe she did something wrong since she hadn’t heard from me for a while.

I pretty much decided then and there that I needed to get OFF the Spiral of Suck.

Because it’s not worth it.

And so this morning, I got up and did my run. And I KNEW it was going to be a gorgeous day.

So I deliberately didn’t pack a lunch, which would require me to actually LEAVE my desk and go out.

I did. I splurged and got myself lobster salad. And took my sandwich to a field nearby my work with a blanket.

And I took of my shoes and sat there on my blanket, in my camisole and slacks and bare feet. And I ate my sandwich, and breathed in the earthy grass scent, and listened to the birds, and felt the sun on my skin for the first time in a long time.

It was, by far, the best lunch I’ve had in a long time.

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7 Comments »

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  1. OMG, you called me OUT???? Seriously??? LOL
    I love you….like a lot!

    and if my email got you thinking or REMINDED you how AMAZING you are and how LUCKY I am to know you and have you in my life then I’m glad.

    that lunch sounded awesome, now I hope tonight you get to sit and read and tickle that GORGEOUS son of yours too….because you’re right you’ve worked too hard to get him here in your life not to enjoy him (and thank you for reminding me of that too!)

    work is work and we all have to do it, but life is MORE IMPORTANT. You know that..I’m just reminding you.

    LOVE YOU….LOTS!!!!

  2. That sounds so fun! Good for you for being able to take the time you needed, and to recognize that you needed it.

  3. Good for you!

  4. That sounds like a fantastic lunch!!

  5. LOVE those moments! Good for you!

  6. Yay!

  7. I’ve also missed commenting lately – not because of sucky work, but things get on top of you! I’m glad you had your lunch – I think I need to sit down and have one, too.

    Bea


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