A view into my working mind.

May 24, 2010 at 1:57 pm | Posted in motherhood, My life | 5 Comments

I sit here almost EVERY DAY and try to come up with a more in-depth post, but I keep coming up empty.

It’s sad. I now THINK in Facebook status updates.

But here goes – a look into my mind these days.

I need a vacation day more than I can even tell you. One where I sleep, and sleep, and SLEEP, then get up and run, then take a long shower/bath, then have a massage, then go back to bed.

That ain’t happening. In fact, when I floated the idea of taking a day off this coming Friday for such a practice, my boss pretty much told me that it was impossible. And when I rebounded and told him, okay, then I’ll take the FOLLOWING Friday off, I was met with a distinct lack of interest.

I don’t care. I’m taking it off anyway. I’m tired and I’m grumpy and PMSing and I don’t care if you’re a guy and don’t GET that being a working mom is HARD. I need a day off and I’m going to TAKE it.

My two year old is having the summer of his LIFE so far. His life revolves around spending as much time outside as he possibly can. We’ve started eating dinner outside, which isn’t the greatest of ideas because O literally bolts down his dinner in 5 bites and then wants to be down and playing. Which means we also bolt down our food for the sake of “family meals.” Which sort of sucks.

Especially since a massive tantrum is inevitable when we make him come inside ANYWAY. Might as well do it and then be able to have dinner together, right?

J actually built (and FINISHED! WOO!) an AMAZING sandbox which O absolutely LOVES. Consequently there is more sand in his shoes and socks and therefore on my kitchen floor than I can even imagine. I empty his shoes out every night and then AGAIN in the mornings and I still can’t believe the amount of sand in there.

I am also the slacker who has taken a ton of pictures of said sandbox playtime but hasn’t managed to upload it to the computer. Mostly because I’m a slacker, but partially because our computer’s on the fritz; it decides randomly that it just needs to shut down.

J thinks it’s because we have a virus or malware which is making it RUN.ALL.THE.TIME, which is quite possible. But who has time to, you know, FIX the damn thing?

And of course we have no money to fix it, because J really needs a new car and we need to put money away every paycheck to be able to pay for the damn thing.

See, this is why I don’t post lately. One big rant, interspersed with “I’m so lucky” as I hang out with O.

Truthfully, I have a lot of fear how we’ll manage another potential child. There are weeks where I feel like it’s all I have to manage the life we have NOW, much less add more into it.

But that’s me – I’m always looking at the worst case scenario. I forget that if another baby comes into our life there will be lots of love, too.

We also decided it would be a good idea to take O camping next month. I can’t tell you I’m not freaked the fuck out by the idea of having a toddler who is known to throw tantrums at 2am in the WOODS overnight. But apparently this is a family campground and we’ll be away from most other people.

Still. Not sure it’s a good idea.

But what’s the fun if you don’t TRY, yeah?

And have I mentioned that the last time I got to the top of a mountain I was 14 weeks pregnant with O? I need a dayhike in the worst way – need to get on trail and smell the earth.

To sum up this post:

Lots of needs right now. No time or money. Please send sanity.

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5 Comments »

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  1. That last line sums up my life right now too! 🙂

    Since my husband is not into camping or the outdoors, I haven’t been in years–but hoping to this year–with or without kids!

    Definitely sounds like you do need a mental health day–hope you get it!

  2. I probably told you this before, but I remember when I was pregnant with the twins, sometimes I’d be freaking out and thinking how hard (even thinking how burdensome!) it was going to be and just general panic. And then after a few weeks of that I suddenly remembered that I was going to love them so fiercely my heart was going to burst in two. I had forgotten that! I had forgotten that I was going to love them! Sounds so weird. Anyway, just wanted to share that. And sorry, no sanity here to send. :o)

  3. I’m so with you sista. TOo much shit to do, not enough time, and not NEARLY enough money. Ack!

  4. Good on you for noticing and making the changes. I hope you get a break more often.

  5. Sending sanity!

    I’m glad you’re taking a day off and hope you enjoy it (or at least catch up a bit and feel less stressed by the end of it).

    Camping sounds fun. I’m sure there’ll be challenges, but definitely worth a go, and even another if the first go… could use some improvement. These things can take practice, but hopefully you will be well practiced enough without O to make things go smoothly with him along.

    Bea


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