Freak (ing?)

July 26, 2010 at 3:12 pm | Posted in Cheese with that whine? (aka rants), motherhood, Mythical #2 | 14 Comments

We have another new niece – my SIL K had her last week.

Because O was sick with hand, foot and mouth, which could be transmittable up to a few weeks AFTER a child has had it, we thought it would be good to avoid having O and D in the same room for a little while.

So J visited his sister in the hospital, and I went over this weekend to visit with them.

I had offered to make dinner, and since I know K is really trying to make a go of nursing this time around, I made a meal which I knew didn’t have any of the usual suspects in making a baby gassy. Chicken, orzo pasta, zucchini from our farmshare, made with a little bit of oil, lemon juice, salt and pepper. (YUM!)

When I got to their house, D told me immediately that his little sister was home and her name was E! And he zoomed around the house, around and around and around and around. K, who was nursing E, looked at him running in circles and said to me, almost guiltily:

“Yeah, we haven’t gotten out much the past couple of days.”

He definitely had more energy then they could handle, the poor kid.

So I made a point of playing with D. He brought me 10 different books, and I read them all. We played with his cars. And when he couldn’t sit still anymore, I laughed when he ran in circles.

And then K asked me if I wanted to hold E. Part of me was screaming HELL NO! SHE’S SO LITTLE! I’M GOING TO BREAK HER!

Because. I had forgotten how tiny they make babies.

And honestly, I’m just not the sort of person who looks at itty bitty babies and has this LONGING to hold one. It’s taken me a while to admit that out loud, but babies that little are such aliens to me.

But. I was polite and took her from K.

And holy crap she was little. And okay, yeah, she was cute, with her eyes all squinted shut and her hands folded near her face.

But I watched D run around, my BIL doze on the couch. And I saw the dark circles under my SIL’s eyes. And her thankfulness when I offered to bring dinner again this week so she didn’t have to worry about it.

I came home to an almost-2-and-a-half year old who was eating pretzels and humus, who yelled “Mommy’s home!!! YAY!” and went on eating his snack.

And I have to wonder.

Are we crazy to even think about ANOTHER kid?



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  1. I know, aren’t newborns scary?! I guess you just have to think past it to the part where your 2.5 year old and 5 YEAR OLD are sitting together eating pretzels and hummus all self-sufficient. We haven’t gotten there yet…but I swear it’s near. I think. I hope.

  2. I absolutely, positively, think the same thing. I belong to a Mom’s Club where many have recently had #2 and four more are pregnant with #2. They are all 8 – 10 years younger than me and without very involved husbands. On the one hand, I think, if they can do, so can I, and on the other (and especially when I am dead dog tired like I was yesterday) I wonder how we’ll manage, how will we support each other and our son so that we all get the time we need. But, as much as I worry, and as easy as I know it would be to just remain in our cocoon as a family of three, the yearning for another is just too great.

    So, I tell myself, I can do anything for the 2-3 years it will take to restore homeostasis and when everyone is feeding themselves, out of diapers, and able to communicate I will relish that I did not let fear get the best of me! (at least, that’s what I tell myself 😉

  3. Newborns are pretty tiring, period. You were probably close to that tired when O was little, too. But if it was worth it to have him (and I know it was), it’ll be worth it to have another one too.

  4. It’s way crazy. But it’s so great.

  5. I, too, relish having a more self-sufficient child. And I wonder sometimes if it’s crazy to try for another. But then I see families with two older children, and I know why we’re trying.

  6. I am the same way about newborns…I kept telling everyone that I could skip the first year…I really like them when they are older and more “fun”! I can tell you that it was HARD to have a newborn in the house after so long–you forget sometimes how hard it can be. But, now…while she is definitely Todd-Lor (more so than Michael was) I do find this much more in my comfort level.

    As I am sure you will if you do have another one. Its all phases…


  7. Agree with all other comments. However, I wanted to add that you saw it raw. Nobody in that house has had a chance to get comfortable with the new family of four dynamic. It’s all still so crazy. You may see less crazy when you back. Adjustment takes time for all.

  8. We are about to do a frozen cycle for number 2 – number 1 is 2.5. I have the same exact fears – paralyzing fears – like WHAT THE HELL ARE WE THINKING?? But I just keep reminding myself, newborn stage does not last forever – and having a sibling really is a wonderful thing. I want my son to have the experience of a sibling – so I will put myself through a few years of exhaustion and insanity so we can be a family of four. I am pretty confident that at some point, you adjust and then couldn’t imagine life any other way. Um, I hope.

  9. Congratulations on your new niece! At least O. is past the may-actually-harm-baby stage. I saw this with I & N when a friend visited with her 6-wk-old: The young toddlers have no comprehension whatsoever compared with a kid of O.’s age. My girls kept stepping on the baby or giving her a toy via bonking her on the head. My friend, a first-time mom, looked terrified. Another friend has a 5 yr old, 21 month old, and 3 month old. She left the room for a minute and came back to find the 21 month old leaning over the baby, pressing down on his soft spot.

  10. Eek! I have been having the same worry, too! We have a 20 month old. Lately, he’s been waking up in the middle of the night and I have been a royal, tired, be-otch. I wonder, how can we even contemplate another child???? I always thought we would have the stair-step kids, less than 2 years apart. But, since this TTC business hasn’t worked out and we’ve been faced with a new reality, I’m starting to think that more space between children is more sane.

    (BTW, been reading you for a while. Your story is similar to ours: our son was conceived through IVF and we’ve been TTC since January for #2. Had one failed FET in May and are now moving on to IVF #2).

  11. hear dat

  12. I wonder the same thing (and I’m not even thinking about having another baby most days) …but holding someone else’s , when you know that the 2am feedings are not yours and you can hold and hold and then go home, does make it easier to do it. Right?

    I don’t think you’re crazy at all…and if you do I promise to come to you and cook dinner one night and hold that baby for ya. 🙂

    PROMISE. 😉

  13. Hi! I’ve been away for a month, and am slowly getting caught up.

    You are not crazy to want bub #2. But your life will be crazy when you first have bub #2. But it will be totally worth it when they are older. And the spacing between your two will make it easier too- O will be loads more independent than he would have been if he’d be under two.

    I’m so excited for you!

  14. Yes and no. I was glad to read that you will only transfer one embryo. One plus one is totally doable. Twins — well… 😉

    I often find myself thinking about the “good ole days” when it was just the three of us and how easy our lives would be now if we hadn’t decided to try again. My life would be totally and completely different. But one look at my girls and I know this is what was meant to be for our family. Is it crazy? Abso-freakin’-lutely. Worth it? Same answer. 🙂

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