Settling dust.

September 3, 2010 at 6:00 am | Posted in Mama Bear, School (aka: daycare) | 6 Comments

I am trying to put aside my anger at the way the transition thing was handled.

Which, truthfully, is HARD.

I remain really pissed off at the lack of communication… the fact that I feel they’ve labelled my reserved kid as “socially underdeveloped…” and the fact that teachers are coming and going like there’s a revolving door at the place.

And honestly, I’m having a hard time getting over the fact that somehow they are telling me my kid’s not good enough. I know this is my own personal baggage.

But I find myself wanting to scream “YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HIM.”

How can they NOT see him for the imaginative, gorgeous, empathetic soul he is?

I know. My baggage.

But I am looking into other preschools in the area, because this whole debacle has me questioning the center. What IS their philosophy with kids? Can they give my shy, reserved O the sort of approach that will give him the tools so that he’s actually ready for kindergarten?

Or will they tell me that I need to hold him back then, too?

But I digress.

O is doing WELL, actually.

He has asked for one of the older boys that he seems to like a lot. “What’s J doing?” he’s asked me in the mornings when I drop him off. And my answer is that J is in another room, but he’d see him on the playground in the afternoon.

And that’s good enough for him, it seems.

Because he hasn’t asked about anyone else, nor has he seemed upset or out of sorts with a Huge Upheaval. He’s napping fine, eating fine, sleeping throught the night fine.

And even better? There are some little things that have changed distinctly for the better since the other kids moved upstairs.

For one, our dropoffs this week have gotten much easier. Instead of his friend R opening and closing the gate on the playground for me, or the door of the classroom, O now does it.

He follows me, opens the door, says “bye bye Mommy,” then shuts the door/gate right behind me.

No more tears, no more clinging. No more begging “Mommy, Mommy!”

The second thing that’s happened, according to one of his teachers: O is now ASKING to use the potty there.

Not only that, but he’s gone on the potty a number of times at school.

(Not that it’s been documented on his sheet at night, but there’s the communication thing again, right?)

And yesterday, when they were on the playground, he told his teacher that he “needed to go potty!” And they ran into the bathroom in school.

I’m unclear as to whether he actually went or not, but his teacher was really impressed that he stopped playing to tell her that he had to go.

So I really do think that it’s a good thing he didn’t move up right now.

Because I have the sense that now that the kids who were bigger/louder/demanded more attention are gone, O has the freedom to put himself out there a little more. Because he knows that, right now at least, there’s less of a chance of being pushed aside.

For my kid?

Maybe less competition might be a GOOD thing for him.

But I will say. I’m not all that unhappy that this whole thing happened the way it did. Because it is getting me to wonder if our center really is the right fit for O, rather than just go along with everything because it’s what he knows.

And it has me looking around for other preschools which might be a BETTER fit, philosophy-wise.

Maybe O needs a place which is smaller. Or maybe he needs more experience with multi-age rooms, but where the older kids are tasked with helping the younger kids. Where he’s not intimidated by the older kids because they’re HELPING him.

I don’t know. Either way, I’m going to ride out the next couple of months there, look around at other options, and make an informed decision.

What I definitely need to do is let the dust settle a bit.

And make sure that I make a well-informed, thoughtful decision that’s best for O and NOT a reaction to my intense anger at how I felt they were treating him.



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  1. Serenity-
    Good gracious, he’s TWO!!! He is on target with his milestones. I have had kids in daycare for six years and what they need from you is a good “swift kick in the butt,” so to speak. Let them know how you feel, that you are aware of what’s going on and that you will not sit by and let this go on and they will notice. They are only treating you like that because they think they can!!(said with hugs).

    Good thing, as you pointed out, is that it happened and at a point where you can make some informed decisions.

    From where daycare mama to another…YOU are not alone…

    Leslie B.

  2. Actually, as you say, this might be a good thing for him, giving him some space to grow without the other kids.

    I moved M from a family daycare situation, to a more progressive daycare (which started out fine, but then started to have similar problems–teacher turn-around, non-communication, etc.) and FINALLY to a more institutionalized center (starts with a K). I finally found the right mix on the third try–and it was basically the PEOPLE who were there that worked with him and made his Pre-School years great. And still–I really had to be vigilant on keeping communications going.

    Luckily, this time around, the family daycare we have for W is great, but for Pre-School I think she will be moving to that last center (where they STILL remember my son, and a lot of the people are still there). (which, btw, doesn’t mean it will work for W–we will have to see)

    Sometimes it takes a while to get the right formula that works for both you and your child. But I think you are doing the right things and asking the right questions.

  3. Being able to make an informed decision is THE best thing. And, even if you decide that he should stay put, it will be a choice rather than a default. That, in itself, is empowering.

    I do hope you are able to process through that they are NOT telling you that he isn’t good enough, nor do I think they have labeled him (although they did have to use some descriptor to you as to why he wasn’t moving up). Try to keep your pissed-offness focused on the real issue which is their lack of communication and whether they are suited to giving him the kind of attention he deserves. And, that that is driving you to action is a good thing.

  4. The whole situation is just terrible. Tact minus.

    I am sorry that some oeioke chose to let you feel uncomfortable rather than feel uncomfortable for a few minutes themselves by sucking it up and explaining what was going on.

    Also, I have decided, after finding unwiped poop on my children on a couple of occasions, that no centre, no matter how generally great, will do it like WE do for our children,


  5. I should have read this post before my comment on the last one.

    Your statement about the “fact that teachers are coming and going like there’s a revolving door at the place” speaks volumes to me. There is a reason these people are leaving, and most likely poor management is the answer.

    Take your cues from O. He seems to be thriving, so unless that changes, and he becomes unhappy and regresses, I think he will be fine.

  6. I was glad to hear that the other kids moving might actually have been a good thing for him. I am having some issues with M’s center, but I am very reluctant to move him until I see him having issues. I think M is probably the polar opposite of O, but I still worry that changing the place he has known since 7 months old would be harder on him than some of the issues I have…because really he is happy and learning a ton so the issues I have with my center are really mine. I don’t want to rock the boat unless I totally need to.

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