Update to my update.

September 3, 2010 at 12:15 pm | Posted in Cheese with that whine? (aka rants), Mama Bear, School (aka: daycare) | 4 Comments

Holy crap, two posts in one day. I haven’t done that for years, I think.

When I get angry about something, it takes me a some time to work through it. You all have been witness to that process this week.

Some things I have discovered which I want to share:

1. I was irrationally angry at our daycare center for something that they didn’t do.

I felt as if they labelled O as socially deficient, and that’s not the case.

In fact, I just had a conversation with his teachers this morning that he’s almost like a whole new kid now that the bigger and more assertive ones moved upstairs. He’s been really KIND to the new kids in his classroom, just yesterday he patted a little girl who was upset and told her “It’s okay. Let’s read a book.” And they both sat there, reading a book together.

That shows that my kid is NOT socially deficient, not by a longshot. And his teachers know this about him too.

They just didn’t think he was ready to navigate the transition to a louder, more boisterous classroom. They weren’t labelling him – they were protecting him from moving up too soon.

Doesn’t mean I have to be happy with the lack of communication, but they are trying to do right by my KID. That means a lot.

2. I clearly haven’t let go of my own feelings of failure of late, and that probably was what spun me into orbit this week. I was thinking that his reclusiveness is somehow a failing of mine, like maybe I didn’t give him enough love or something to make him more confident.

Garbage thinking.

As much as I say I’m rolling with the punches, I’m maybe not doing it as well as I should be. My self-worth is FAR too invested in something in which I have no control, and I need to step back and STOP thinking like that.

3. I hate being blindsided. Truth be told, I wasn’t expecting to even THINK about preschool until next March, as from everything I’ve heard your kid needs to be 2.9 years old. To be hit with the fact that no, that’s not the case at our center, and to find out via a piece of paper in the toddler room really hit me hard.

Apparently O and I share a reluctance for change. I just wasn’t PREPARED to have to handle it right now. I’m used to being able to plan AHEAD, and this put me on the spot.

You think I’d be used to it by now, but apparently you can’t completely change your Type A personality. I SO wish I was different sometimes.

Now that my anger has drained away and I can see clearly again, I’m feeling much better.

O is doing FINE where he is.

And I did communicate to his teacher and the center director that I would have preferred a heads up when something this big happens – not just for O, but for me as well, so I can be prepared.

So many times I feel like I’m just sort of feeling my way through this parenting thing.

This week has been a long one in terms of realizing that I still have a lot of work to do on really letting go.

Anyway. Thank you all for the support and comments, even the ones that suggested hey, Serenity, maybe you need to chill the EFF out. This is why I love blogging – allows me to work through things and gain a perspective I might not have reached on my own.



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  1. It sounds like the other kids being gone is going to give O the “opportunity” to be the leader of the new group, in his way, without the boisterous ones getting in the way. I think it will be a great thing for him too.

    I understand WHY you were pissed, though. The feelings of labels, judgments etc. (merited or not) being applied by others in these environemnts are VERY difficult to deal with and, definitely, the lack of communication made you feel blind-sided. I would have felt the same way about that.

    It’s great that you’re blogging your way through this. I wish I could be better about that too.

  2. I think it’s natural to take on the burden of your child’s “failures” — both real and perceived. Think of how many times parents take credit — without hesitation — for all the good things their kids do. We do help mold them, thus all the taking credit or blame, but we also have to remember that they are their own beings too and not everything is our doing.

  3. We put waaayyyy to much stress on ourselves as parents. O sounds like a wonderful boy. He is the kind of friend I always invited over to play with my boys.

    The time comes too quickly where he will have to stand up for himself among the rougher assertive kids. (remember gym class? 😉

    He sounds like a compassionate, caring little boy. That is such a better way to start life than to be the kid that nobody wants around THEIR kid.

    I predict he will blossom into a wonderful young man that will have his select group of friends….the ones that think the way he does. He doesn’t sound like a follower and that will serve him VERY well as he grows up.

  4. Ah, Serenity. I am just catching up on the drama.

    I am so glad it was a good decision after all, and “just” a matter of needing to “chill the eff out”. Although I hope the centre are able to communicate better in future, too. Definitely a lot of garbage thinking going on on your part, and I’m glad you’ve labelled it as such. Bit of a spin, though, I’m sure.

    In any case, it sounds like O is a real little gentleman, and you have everything to be proud of.


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