Love is a Battleground.

September 29, 2010 at 11:09 am | Posted in Battles (aka: toddlerhood), FET #4, Mythical #2 | 9 Comments

(Sorry, Pat Benetar. It’s a BattleGROUND. Bigger, messier, longer then mere battleFIELDS.)

I’m starting to realize that in order to be successful at this parenting a toddler thing, I need to do two things.

Be FULLY in the moment with O during the happy times…

… and step outside of my own [insert negative emotion] during the not-so-happy times.

It’s really fucking hard.

Like this morning, for example.

I have not been sleeping well now for weeks. I don’t know why, but not only do I have a rough go of falling asleep, but I almost always wake up a bunch of times overnight too. It might be allergies, or our bed, or work stress, or something.

But consequently, I’ve been tired ALL THE TIME.

Yesterday I almost fell asleep in a meeting at 3pm.

(Mostly due to an ill-timed post-caffeine crash, but you get the picture.)

So this morning, when I was startled awake by a yelled “MOMMY!” at 5:15am, and I went into O’s room to be met with a toddler who went to bed wayyyyyyyy tooooooo late last night but was up for the day?

Well, let’s just say I knew it was going to be a trying morning.

Because BOTH of us were tired.

And it was. We had Epic Meltdowns of Dramatic Proportions. The kind where it takes everything IN YOU to take a deep breath, count to 3 (or 5 or 10 as I sometimes need to) and answer calmly, or try and fix whatever the offense was.

Instead of the answer that was on the tip of my tongue: “Well, if you had FRIGGING SLEPT, it wouldn’t feel this BAD!”

Yeah.

I finally got him to school and left him sobbing “MOMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYY!” while I cheerfully waved and said “have a great day love!! I love you!”

I got into my car, battle-weary.

At freaking 8am.

And my next thought?

Is to wonder what we’re thinking, attempting to get pregnant again.

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9 Comments »

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  1. Heh heh heh…heh….ahem.

    Yeah. We have those days pretty much every day here. So no worries, you’ll be fine! 🙂

  2. It’s fine, you’ll be fine. All totally normal. When Cam gets up earlier than normal I swear I feel like I pull on my big girl panties and gird myself for the battle before I go into to room. Because I know it’s going to be a suck ass morning. And those are also days that I’m thankful for daycare.

    When you have two little ones chasing each other around, you’ll realize all the lack of sleep is worth it. Nothing cuter than Cam running around saying NO BABY while Maggie crawls as fast as she can after him.

    And love it how you don’t mention that your cycling right now and they MAYBE just MAYBE you aren’t sleeping because you’re on hormones and maybe freaking out a little about the outcome? Hugs to you, hot stuff.

  3. Oh Serenity, I am so glad that someone is having a week like mine.
    Late bedtimes, up at 5am, I cannot take a shower without whining and pouting and asking for things and tey are both miserable..and sleeping in my bed…UGH.

    Oh I didn’t mean that in a “I wish this on you too” way..LOL>..just glad I have someone else that is just as TIRED and AGGRAVATED.

    now, of course you’re trying again…and we are all here hoping you already ARE!!!!! The kiddos are the crazy and the sane of our life, they are the good and bad and most importantly they are the reason we fight the BATTLES….they for better or worse, make it all worth it.

    hugs, deep breaths and love my friend
    xo

  4. Right there with you, and mine isn’t even technically a toddler any more … but one doesn’t have children to feel great all the time … it’s much larger than that. You still have love to give. And the moments where they love you right back, and you can feel it, are worth the stress and less-happy mornings a million times over.

  5. Girl, I feel you and just wanted to pop over to lend support. And, further, I applaud that you didn’t lose your collective sh*t and instead maintained parent-like composure.

    No two ways about it, parenting is HARD, and you know I’m struggling with the same issues (difficult time with our one making me completely and always re-think having another), so I GET it.

    I hope you get an early, good night’s sleep.

  6. Oh boy, do I hear you on this one! Both with the having to take a deep breath for (many) seconds, and for thinking about doing all of it with an infant in tow! Totally get it.
    I hope you get some sleep soon, and I hope this morning was better.

  7. I need to work on mentally stepping away, too. I have two child communication books that look very helpful, if I could ever get through them…

    Speaking of which, I couldn’t get through the night without half of a Tylenol PM. Just the right dose to help me fall asleep quickly, but not enough to screw with my head (or childcare skills, or lack thereof) at 6 am, or 4 am, or whenever.

    Here’s to sleep, eventually. And by the way, you seem like an awesome mom who can roll with the punches; you’re totally capable of handling a second child. : )

  8. I’m right there too – add in 8 months pregnant and wondering how on earth I’m going to cope when this little one puts in her appearance.

  9. You don’t say that? Huh. Is it bad that I always say that in the same situation? I guess I’ve never really thought about it…

    But I keep getting told there’s a big difference between a 2yo and a 3yo, and so on, so I say cross that bridge when you come to it.

    Bea


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