Love is a Battleground.September 29, 2010 at 11:09 am | Posted in Battles (aka: toddlerhood), FET #4, Mythical #2 | 9 Comments
(Sorry, Pat Benetar. It’s a BattleGROUND. Bigger, messier, longer then mere battleFIELDS.)
I’m starting to realize that in order to be successful at this parenting a toddler thing, I need to do two things.
Be FULLY in the moment with O during the happy times…
… and step outside of my own [insert negative emotion] during the not-so-happy times.
It’s really fucking hard.
Like this morning, for example.
I have not been sleeping well now for weeks. I don’t know why, but not only do I have a rough go of falling asleep, but I almost always wake up a bunch of times overnight too. It might be allergies, or our bed, or work stress, or something.
But consequently, I’ve been tired ALL THE TIME.
Yesterday I almost fell asleep in a meeting at 3pm.
(Mostly due to an ill-timed post-caffeine crash, but you get the picture.)
So this morning, when I was startled awake by a yelled “MOMMY!” at 5:15am, and I went into O’s room to be met with a toddler who went to bed wayyyyyyyy tooooooo late last night but was up for the day?
Well, let’s just say I knew it was going to be a trying morning.
Because BOTH of us were tired.
And it was. We had Epic Meltdowns of Dramatic Proportions. The kind where it takes everything IN YOU to take a deep breath, count to 3 (or 5 or 10 as I sometimes need to) and answer calmly, or try and fix whatever the offense was.
Instead of the answer that was on the tip of my tongue: “Well, if you had FRIGGING SLEPT, it wouldn’t feel this BAD!”
I finally got him to school and left him sobbing “MOMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYY!” while I cheerfully waved and said “have a great day love!! I love you!”
I got into my car, battle-weary.
At freaking 8am.
And my next thought?
Is to wonder what we’re thinking, attempting to get pregnant again.