I’ve started and erased this comment a bunch of times. There’s just nothing that seems good enough (or proper enough because my other comments had a bunch of f words) to express the absolute disappointment and upset I know you feel.
I’m so sorry. Take care of yourself in these coming weeks and know that this disappointment, pain, anger slowly dissipates with time. Good luck with your race tomorrow. Beat the pavement with everything you can’t scream at the universe!!! And, remember that you already have a perfect circle with your son:>