Last Chance.

October 25, 2010 at 12:51 pm | Posted in FET #5: Last Chance Waltz | 15 Comments

I truly was surprised when I got a call from my clinic on Saturday afternoon.

Did I forget to pay a bill? I wondered.

No, it was to give me my transfer time.

Which was this morning.

Our remaining blast thawed nearly perfectly, the attending doctor told us, with no discernable cell loss.

She confirmed that we have no remaining embryos in storage.

Transfer went as smoothly as it can with an overfull bladder.

Beta is next Wednesday.

__________________________

Last night, maybe because J and I were away this weekend, O was pretty clingy. He called out for a blanket at 4am, and cried every time I tried to leave his room.

So I gave up, covered my bare legs with a blanket, and sat on the floor next to bed. And I gazed at his sleeping face, wiped peaceful in the knowledge that his mommy was there, watching over him.

In that moment my heart was so full of love and wistfulness and wishing and hope and fear.

I have so little understanding of the way the universe works.

And I can’t even dare to hope that this last chance WILL work.

But I do know I have no control over any of it.

Yes, maybe it’ll take some time for J and I to reconcile the life we dreamed of with the life we get to live.

But we’ll be okay no matter what.

I need to keep reminding myself of this.

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15 Comments »

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  1. Fingers tightly crossed. ❤

  2. Thinking of you, hon.

    xoxo

  3. Crossing my fingers for you.

  4. Hoping with everything I’ve got.

  5. I will hold on to hope for you … but I’m also glad that you’re holding on to the idea that no matter what, you will be a family, whole, complete, full of love for each other. *hugs* to you while you wait for news …

  6. Wow, that did seem to come around quick. Everything crossed. Everything.

    Bea

  7. Sending you positive thoughts.

  8. Good luck. Everything crossed that you’re okay in the good, fun way.

  9. Hoping hoping hoping for you.
    And I totally get that lack of control.

  10. So hoping that this one is going to make it.

    I went and picked J up out of bed last night when I got home from a dinner and just held him for 10 minutes. Lovely rocking him in the dark. Can’t believe soon he will be too big for me to do that any more…

  11. You are blessed already, but I certainly hope that those blessings will be expanded to one more! Thinking of you!

  12. You know I’m rooting for you and I’m here for you no matter the outcome.

  13. oh, I’m crying….sweetie, no matter what (and I told you that the only thing that I can accept) you are a WONDERUL Mommy, an amazing woman, a beautiful friend, the rest will work itself out. But I am calling the angels and holding on to the HOPE for you…as always.

    xo

  14. Good luck

  15. Of course you’ll be okay. But I’m hoping for a little more than “okay” for you. Good luck!


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