Limbo.October 28, 2010 at 9:56 am | Posted in Battles (aka: toddlerhood), FET #5: Last Chance Waltz, Mythical #2, School (aka: daycare) | 12 Comments
Ever since O’s peers moved upstairs to the preschool room in early September, morning dropoffs at daycare have gotten rough for us.
We had one week which was great.
Since then? It’s been a battle.
First there was the “I want to stay home with you!” guilt. The delaying tactics, asking for more food, for juice, for a hug from mommy.
Then there was the “No, Mommy, go THIS WAY!” desperation; pointing the exact opposite way from the way we go to school.
Then there was the refusing to get dressed – “No, Mommy, I stay in my jamas.”
Then there was the refusing to go INTO the playground to meet up with the toddler room; he instead wanted to stand outside the fence and say hello to his teachers.
And now? We go upstairs to the preschool room to say hello to his friends R and J.
(Actually, that’s how I manage to get him into the car every morning.)
The poor kid is SO unsure when we get upstairs – he refuses to actually go INTO the preschool room. But he stands in front of the door and waves madly at his friends, and runs in circles when one R and/or J comes out to say hello.
And when it comes time to say goodbye and head back down to the toddler room, O pulls his usual stalling tactic.
I think he’d spend his entire day in the back stairwell if he could.
Done with the toddler room, but not sure about the preschool room, the poor kid.
The good news is that they’re planning on starting a nice slow transition upstairs for him, starting next week. I don’t have the full details, but I am very happy that they’re starting the process.
And hopefully he’ll be out of limbo soon.
My biggest emotion right now is frustration.
I’ve lost some measure of fitness with running since my half marathon. Which makes sense, because right now I’m not running nearly as many miles as I had been a month ago. The past few weeks I’ve been adjusting to it being dark at 5am, so it’s been really hard for me to find the motivation to get out of bed.
But I’m back at it now. And it’s really hard to see my heart rate so high at the pace that was easier for me even a couple of weeks ago.
And I’m frustrated at having to scale back that pace “just in case.” I know it’s not good for me to have my heart rate that high if I were, you know, pregnant, so I try and keep that in mind.
But I might NOT be pregnant, too.
So I’ve spent my two runs this past week battling myself the whole way.
Then there’s work. There are days where I absolutely abhor being at work. There are days where it’s tolerable. I’ve had a day or two in the past few weeks where I felt like I actually enjoyed it.
Mostly, though, I dread it.
I have all these PLANS for when this cycle doesn’t work.
Including running hard – starting up another training program so that I can again get to the fitness level I had before – and push past it.
I am also considering looking for something new, job-wise. Maybe a change in environment will make it that I don’t hate what I do. Maybe I’ll even start to like it again.
I hate this part of the 2ww; the waiting to see if the arc of my life is going to change in the near future. I just want to KNOW, to start moving again.
The good news is that in less than a week I’ll be out of limbo.