Waiting.November 4, 2010 at 2:16 pm | Posted in And I ran (I ran so far away), FET #5: Last Chance Waltz, Mythical #2 | 11 Comments
So yeah. I’m just waiting, I suppose.
Honestly, yesterday I expected my nurse to tell me it was a chemical pregnancy, that it was positive, but my levels were at 25 or something.
Because the second test’s line was FAINT.
Because I have really NOTHING in the way of “symptoms.” Which isn’t unusual for most women, but I DID have them when I got a BFP with IVF #3, which resulted in O.
Right now? About the only thing that is going on is some mild heartburn/indigestion when I eat. I have sort of sore boobs, too, but it’s not unlike progesterone-induced sore.
The one thing that IS interesting?
My heart rate is through the roof.
I noticed it on Sunday, when my friend Heather and I ran a Halloween race. We were doing 10 minute miles, which is usually FINE for me – even a week ago my heart rate would have been in the 150s.
This time, though? It was in the low 170s.
Which isn’t unusual for a race situation, really – for most of my half marathon it was that high. But at my half marathon, I averaged a 9:30 pace. 9 minute miles for the first 6 miles or so, too.
This race should have been easy for me.
So I commented to Heather about it. Maybe the high heart rate means I’m pregnant, I snorted.
We both laughed.
I didn’t run on Tuesday because J and I were too busy ruminating over a pee stick.
I did run today, though. My usual four miles.
And the same thing happened. My heart rate was really high. High enough that I had to stop multiple times to let it drop into what I felt was a more “safe” range.
And by the end I slowed WAYYYYY down, because I want to do this right. Keep exercising, but be SMART about it.
So if tomorrow’s beta goes well, there will be no more pace calculator on my Garmin by my weekend run.
Which, I suspect, will be harder than it sounds. I’ve spent the past YEAR trying to increase my pace. I LIKE running hard. I LOVE posting a fast time after a run. During a run I’m always checking in to see where I’m at, pace-wise.
I’ll just have to learn how to run differently, that’s all. Run for happiness, for Zen, for stress relief, instead of for some idea that I should keep getting faster over time.
We’ll see. I’m probably getting ahead of myself, because tomorrow’s beta might NOT double. This could go belly up at any time.
And no more peeing on things for me, since J’s first reaction when I called him about the beta was: please don’t pee on any more sticks, okay? I’m not sure I can handle more rollercoaster.
So. Waiting it out for now.