Riding the Rollercoaster.

November 9, 2010 at 6:08 pm | Posted in FET #5: Last Chance Waltz, Pregnancy | 18 Comments

I confess what you probably all know already: I freaked the fuck out when I saw the blood.

Because in my mind, it was AF. Which meant that it was All Over. The End.

However.

The blood was short-lived. I saw it mostly on the tissue, though some did get onto my pantyliner. The pad I used when I got home (because yes, I freaked out enough that I drove myself home)?

Doesn’t have a spot on it right now.

For those of you who are curious, I do have some tiny brownish pieces when I pee. No more cramping, though.

And I did run this morning. 4 miles, albeit at a MUCH slower pace than I usually do.

I also continue to have nasty side effects from the crinone – passed a pretty big chunk of impacted fun yesterday.

So it’s possible that my cervix is irritated.

Or, this could be the end, and the bleeding I had today was breakthrough bleeding through the meds.

I’m going in for a blood test tomorrow on my clinic’s suggestion.

If the embryo continued to develop at the pace the first two betas indicated, my levels should be around 2900-3000. If it were to still be considered viable, then it needs to be around 1100 or so.

(Yes, I’ve been playing on betabase.)

I am really TRYING not to freak out. Your stories about bleeding and how it was normal for your pregnancies are very helpful.

But I can’t get past the fear entirely. I fear that I’m waiting for the end.

Just riding the rollercoaster for now.

I’ll post tomorrow when I know more.

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18 Comments »

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  1. I just commented on your other post but I’m so glad to see this from you.

    Hold on until you have more info. Glad the bleeding has abated and I’m hoping it is smoother sailing from here on out.

    Take good care of yourself (mind and body).

  2. I hope we hear good results tomorrow.
    Try to rest tonight.

  3. I would have freaked out too honey. Absolutely. There’s no amount of reassurance that would have stopped me from freaking out, so you’re perfectly normal in that regard! However, I don’t believe this is the end and I expect your beta will yield great results. Do keep us posted. We’re thinking of you and sending lots and lots of prayers your way. *hugs*

  4. Its okay to freak out. I had some bleeding too. And I totally freaked. To the point that I forced them to do an ultrasound. And.it.was.fine. But the freaking–its okay. πŸ˜‰

    Abiding with you, and hoping those numbers keep going higher.

  5. My second pregnancy – the one that resulted in the live baby – was full of red spotting through the first trimester. My heart dropped when I read your post because I remember how terrified I was every single damn time I saw more blood. I remember how convinced I was that it wasn’t going to work out. I think for me it was just the second pregnancy thing…. the nurses kept reassuring me and telling me that it happens, your blood vessels are different because you already had a pregnancy. I really hope that’s all it is for you.

  6. I will have everything crossed for you! I’ve had every combination there is: bleeding that ended happily, bleeding that ended unhappily, no bleeding that ended happily, no bleeding that ended unhappily. So, to me, bleeding never equals tragedy. I learned to just chalk it up one of the many mysteries of pregnancy. See how I sound all Zen about it? Hahahaa.

    I distinctly remember exactly how it felt every time I saw the blood on the toilet paper… my face would get hot, I’d feel woozy, I’d start to sweat, I’d start breathing harder. It was awful. I’d google the holy hell out of first trimester bleeding which was of no help (equal amounts of happy stories vs. unhappy stories). I’d panic and obsess and then pretend like I wasn’t panicking and obsessing. Ugh.

    Luckily I had a great OB who would let me come in any time I asked for a doppler check or an ultrasound. Which is nice because that was the ONLY thing that could convince me that everything hadn’t gone straight to hell in a handbasket.

    The chances are overwhelmingly in your favor that things are just fine. I will be holding my breath until you post and let us know. πŸ™‚

  7. Glad the cramping and blood was short lived. And hoping it doesn’t come back.

  8. Good idea to do another beta. Fingers crossed for results.

    Bea

  9. Keeping everything crossed.

  10. Any amount of blood is terrifying…I’m hoping your cervix is just irritated.

    Praying for good news today and no more bleeding.

  11. Praying for you, Serenity.

  12. Oh sweet Serenity – I too am proof that you can have bleeding and come away with a live healthy baby. I had 4 days of red blood, enough to soak several tampons (thought it was a regular period) and 5 weeks later saw an 11-week fetus on the ultrasound, perfectly normal, perfectly fine. Hang in there. Thinking madly of you.

  13. Lots of prayers!

  14. Sitting and waiting with you. I would have freaked the f- out as well. Hope you get good news today.

  15. I’m sorry. I’m behind but I am thinking of you and hoping for the very best.

  16. Thinking of you.

  17. I had spotting through the first trimester with Sacha. And yes- it freaked me the fuck out. But we all know that he turned into a real live kiddo! And I had some on Monday, and all I could think of is: this shit again?
    Good idea to go for a beta, just so you know what’s going on.
    This isn’t easy. Sadly it’s shitty when the fear and worry doesn’t stop with the positive pee stick.
    I’m thinking of you…

  18. HUGS!!!! praying for good news


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