Gratitude.

November 12, 2010 at 5:30 am | Posted in FET #5: Last Chance Waltz, Pregnancy, The Community | 10 Comments

One of the Big Facebook Things this month is that all my FB friends are posting things for which they are grateful.

Usually each day; it’s sort of a take on NoBloMo.

Today I want to thank each and every one of you.

I am so, so grateful for this community.

Because not only did you all give me a renewed sense of hope that maybe, just maybe, this isn’t doomed… with REAL FACTS…

None of you called my hysterical, or irrational, or crazy.

(Even though I HAVE been hysterical and irrational and crazy.)

Somehow, in the years of negatives prior to having O, I managed by expecting the worst and then planning around it. I did it my entire pregnancy with him, actually – was terrified of losing him until the very end, when my water broke and I was in the hospital, listening to that gallop of his heartbeat on the monitors, and I knew I didn’t have to rely on my body anymore.

I really don’t want to do that again.

So here’s where I’m at today. I am pregnant. I don’t know how long this will last, or if today’s beta draw will be The End. If it is, we’ll deal with it when we get there.

But as of right now, there is a little embryo inside me who is trying to grow. And I owe it to myself and that life to acknowledge that while there is fear, there IS hope, too.

I really don’t have the words to thank you for being here, waiting with me, giving me support when I’ve been so clearly out of my mind over the past couple of days.

Thank you so much.

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10 Comments »

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  1. Wishing you all the very best with your results today.

  2. I can’t help it. I am hoping against hope that everything is perfect today. My best thoughts are with you and this tiny embryo.

  3. Back at you! And I want to see hope triumph!

    Bea

  4. Thinking of you today and hoping.

  5. And, thank you right back, for writing with content, substance, and heart, in a way that rallies your url friends behind you.

    My hope for you today is that the results of this beta are a solid indicator so that you can be released from limbo.

  6. Hey if you can’t be irrational and crazy on the Internet where CAN you? 🙂
    In all seriousness, I want a real answer for you today.
    You are always there for me (among others) it is my pleasure to be here for you.

  7. Wishing you all the best – and constantly clicking refresh :).

    I didn’t even have a blog until a few weeks ago (unglamorous-mommy.blogspot.com), but I’ve been reading yours and other IF blogs for years. You were pregnant with O when I started reading. And even just being a reader, there’s a tremendous feeling of not being alone and having people who understand. I am so glad it’s been a help to you.

  8. It is I who should be thanking you! Seriously, you have been a life saver. When I first got pregnant, I went back and read through your entire blog until you gave birth to O., and it was like reading a mirror. So many of my posts you had also written just a couple of years earlier…but when I wrote, I was able to have the benefit of your thoughts- because you’d already been there.

    It is hard to let go of the fear. I’m still working on it every day. But it is so much easier when you can (dare I say it) relax and enjoy the moment. So I hope you can find a way to do that. Because you deserve the chance to enjoy being pregnant- you have worked so very hard to get here.

    And I don’t think any woman in beta hell can be labelled as crazy or irrational. 🙂

  9. thinking of you…..and of course sitting on my lily pad with the sunshine , hummng and just knowing that everything is going to be ok.

    love ya….lots!
    xoxoo

  10. Hoping it all goes well.


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