Heartbroken.

November 19, 2010 at 1:10 pm | Posted in My life | 29 Comments

I got an urgent message on Facebook from my cousin last night.

What is your number?

When I got the call, I knew it wasn’t going to be good news.

My aunt – my godmother – had an apparent stroke while driving home from Cape Cod yesterday.

My uncle was in India at the time, so the family decided to ignore the DNR and put her on life support until he could get home.

He took her off life support this morning, and she passed away at 9:45am.

I’m numb.

My aunt Judy is gone.

She was my favorite person when I was growing up. She allowed us cookies and ice cream for dinner whenever we were there.

She let my cousin Amy have a messy room, which I was NOT allowed.

She held AWESOME Halloween parties, where she dressed up like a witch, turned the downstairs rec room into a haunted house, and coordinated a parade down the street.

She made me feel like despite the fact that I was a smart talking kid who never listened to my mom, I was worthy of being loved.

She made me dance the polka with her at my grandfather’s wedding, even though I was in middle school and way too cool for the polka. And I had fun, and laughed and danced and giggled with her.

She made me feel like I was part of HER family when I lived with them for two months when my parents moved to NY.

She never blamed me for not calling her for years after Amy’s death, knowing that I needed space and time to grieve on my own.

And she welcomed visits and talks when I was ready.

She got angry with me when I confessed I felt guilt every day for not doing more for Amy before she died.

She insisted that it wasn’t my fault, and she refused to consider that I was even involved at ALL with what happened.

She opened her vacation house on Cape Cod every year to J and I, took J deep sea fishing, and always made me feel loved and wanted and happy I was part of her family.

I cannot even fathom a world where she’s not a part. Where I won’t get to spend another vacation with her.

I am absolutely heartbroken.