New Year.

January 1, 2011 at 8:49 am | Posted in Cheese with that whine? (aka rants), Heartbreak, Infertility, IVF #4: I'm STILL doing this? | 6 Comments

(Or: Dear 2010: don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out.)

J and I were discussing on our VERY long travel day yesterday, on our way back from Florida.

We can’t REALLY say that the whole of 2010 sucked.

I mean, I ran my FIRST half marathon and discovered a love of running. In fact, I ran 10 races in 2010 and had the very best running experience EVER – my 55:13 10-k on a gorgeous course in September.

I also lost 25lbs (despite probably putting about 10 of it back on in the past couple weeks) and kept most of it off for an entire year.

O grew 4 and a half inches taller, started sleeping in a toddler bed, and got a vocabulary that surprises us almost daily. (Like yesterday, when J told him that he saw blue lights on the airport tower…

Actually, Daddy, O replied, the lights are PURPLE.)

We’ve definitely had worse years than 2010, so that’s something, anyway.

Doesn’t mean I’m not having a hard time with things, still.

I’m bitter. Really bitter. Bitter that I thought I could be done with IVF and doctors forever. Bitter that I had been so foolish to believe I wouldn’t NEED the hormones, injections, and retrieval to get pregnant again, that it would of COURSE be easier for us the second time around, because some fucking psychic told me that we’d have twins that “wouldn’t come together.”

Bitter that I’m STILL thinking about family building SIX YEARS after when we started trying in the first place.

Bitter that somehow it’s a blessing that I am afforded the opportunity to do an IVF cycle for only $3,000 – the cost of my deductible.

Thing is. I didn’t WANT to do IVF EVER AGAIN.

Yet here I am, on the cusp of another cycle.

*sigh*

Waa, poor Serenity. Always whining, huh?

Cause, you know. Someone is holding a GUN to my head and telling me I need to do an IVF cycle.

Nope. This is our choice, and I’m working through being okay with it. I’m not right now, but I’m working on it.

Anyway.

Lupron injections are going fine thus far. I stop my pill tomorrow and should start up stims next Saturday.

Christmas was pretty good. O had a great time on Christmas Eve and day with his cousin, though he did manage to catch a rotten chest cold from him. Our trip to Florida was fairly uneventful, but I spent the first night there thinking I was going to have to take O to the emergency room because he was wheezing and barking a cough and then crying in pain. Thankfully he recovered, and it was just the beginning of his cold.

It was great to see my family, take a jog with my sister, visit the zoo with O, and relax in Florida, though.

And so we’re back. I’m ringing in the new year today with a 4 mile race. Then we’ll spend the rest of the weekend catching up from being away; unpacking, cleaning, etc.

New Year.

Here’s hoping it’s a good one.

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6 Comments »

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  1. Here’s to 2011.

    It would be hard for it to be entirely unblemished, but hopefully any spots will be small and unmemorable.

    Bea

  2. Wishing you a better 2011!

  3. Hoping 2011 is a better year for you than 2010 was.

  4. Happy New Year!
    I have to believe that 2011 will bring more good moments for you in regards to IF. I know it will bring you more GREAT moments with O (let’s pretend he isn’t turning 3 ok?).
    Thanks for being an awesome friend in 2010!

  5. I’m having mixed feelings about 2010 as well. As much total shit that came our way in the past year, it’s also the year my son was born, and so many good things came from my daughter.

    All the best to you in 2011. Hope it’s your year.

  6. 2010 was a mixed bag and I try not to dwell only on what went wrong but what was born out of what went wrong plus what went right.

    I’m not so much for resolutions but I do love the promise that a new year holds.

    Wishing you peace of mind and heart in MMXI.


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