There’s Always Information That’s Missing.

February 10, 2011 at 10:06 pm | Posted in doctor, FET #6: deja vu (again) | 6 Comments

I spoke with O’s teacher, my favorite, tonight directly and asked her what she thought would be the best way to approach potty training.

And she told me that O had been going on the potty every afternoon willingly, until some older kids had spotted that he was still in diapers, and made fun of him for it.

She said that though she nipped it in the bud, O got angry with the friends that pointed it out, and since then has refused to sit on the potty. And fights diaper changes.

My poor kiddo. Seems like he’s EMBARRASSED. 😦

So we’ll try pull ups for now in the afternoons at school to make him feel more like a big kid. And drop it for a little while if he still seems resistant to the idea after a weekend or two at home in underwear.


We had our follow up appointment with Dr. HIT today.

It’s funny – my doctor is unfailingly positive. Even at the worst when we were trying with O, he’d boom, let’s get you PREGNANT!

Today, I think he saw that we are tired and battle weary. And though he was positive, he was a lot more muted.

We have 8 embryos frozen in 4 straws.

The first straw, according to Dr. HIT, he feels very comfortable with. Those two embryos are graded 4AB and 3BB.

The others? Well, in his words, they’re fair quality. Maybe it’s my age, or the protocol. But he did say that the others might make for implantation issues.

And he thought, cumulatively, our chances of getting pregnant with single embryo transfers was very good.

It just might take you a longer amount of time, he said.

Our options are pretty open. A fresh cycle with assisted hatching again would be covered under our insurance, since it replicates the cycle that netted us the live birth.

We briefly discussed PGD, but not only is it not covered by insurance, it would also require another aggressive stim cycle, and I am NOT willing to do that ever again.

But when I asked him flat out what he thought we should do, he suggested a frozen cycle.

With a transfer of both blasts.

I knew that wouldn’t fly with J, who had been sitting there in the office with me, silently. When Dr. HIT turned to him and asked his opinion, J as much said so.

He’s not okay with more than one. Never has been, actually – even with three day embryos. Which I thought was ridiculous, so I fought him on it for IVF #3 when we actually got pregnant with O.

But we know more now. My uterus is unreliable. And of course the first time we transfer two blasts it’d just be my LUCK that we’d get pregnant with twins. And then we’d have to consider selective reduction and/or a high risk pregnancy.

Not to mention the fact that I’m not sure how we’d, you know, AFFORD three kids.

But you know, I can see all sides. I’m not sure it’s a responsible decision to transfer more than one. But I would LIKE to maximize my chances of getting pregnant, too.

(Not to mention? My sister got a negative beta today. After transferring two GORGEOUS blasts. Yeah. Not pregnant, and I’m completely gutted for her.)

I am TIRED of treatments. If I’m being honest I was done with them three years ago when we got pregnant with O.

I really have one, maybe two cycles left in me before I need to walk away. And I’d really like to walk away because of the best reason possible – a pregnancy where we end up with a real live baby at the end.

Of course Dr HIT couldn’t promise that.

So we left with a plan of doing a FET and thawing the straw with our two best blasts. And on the day of transfer – which we will plan for when he’s on call that day – we’ll decide how many to transfer.

And on our way home, I told J it was his responsibility to decide how many we transfer. Because I can’t THINK about any of this shit any more. I can’t decide, I can’t be responsible.

I can’t DO this any more.

But here we are. Doing our 6th thaw cycle. Our 14th embryo and 9th transfer.

Scheduled for Friday, March 11.

And that’s all I have to say about that.



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  1. Sounds like a plan. Will be crossing my fingers. Hard decision about the blasts – if you could keep going indefinitely, SET would be the way to go. But of course, it’s not that easy.

    I had been wondering about your sister. Sorry she didn’t get her positive beta. Hope she has a number of next cycles left in her to try again.

    As for potty training – good idea to talk to the teacher. I forgot one other thing we did that I was somehow reminded of reading that update – we started out doing it just once a day. (We made it part of the bathtime routine to sit on the toilet, at first for just a moment, and then up to 2-3 minutes whilst singing songs.) After some weeks PB got the hang of it and then we gradually expanded from there. Perhaps O might take to this sort of incremental approach, practising away from those nasty, teasing kids until he gains confidence. And in the meantime, the pullup pants sound like a good step.


  2. I am so sorry about your sister :(. I can imagine how tired you are my friend. I hope you can reach your dream and be done once for all.
    As for PT, pull ups really helped Lyla. After a few weeks we start with underwear full time at daycare . She had many accidents but after one week or so she was doin really well. She still has bad days but overall we are done with PT. Good luck

  3. I am so sorry about your sister!

    I’m gonna give some assive here so please forgive me if I overstep.

    I think the pull-ups are a great idea! I was against them at first, but they seemed to work well for M. He didn’t stay in them that long (about 2 weeks), but made him feel like he wasn’t in a diaper. From everything you say about O he seems to be a sensitive child. In the book I read about potty training the author suggested doing the underwear thing gradually rather than doing a weekend of it. She suggested that on the weekend instead of locking yourself in the house and forcing it start with an hour and work your way up. Take the kid every 15 minutes and when the hour is up go back to pull-ups/diapers. If the child is upset (and you will be too) there is a set time to end. The next day do an hour or if they child was receptive a little more. I tried a weekend with M (before I read the book)when he was begging to wear his new big boy underpants and it was awful. The first day he did ok and the second day even though he wanted to wear the underpants he was refusing to sit on the potty. I kind of feel like if you make a weekend of it that might make O feel bad because there WILL be lots of accidents. Plus, since he isn’t too interested in being potty trained that might just make him feel forced into it. I think some kids do well with a weekend, but others don’t. M was extremely interested in being potty trained, but the ridgedness of a weekend of it was not good for him. I obviously don’t “know” your son, but for M we had to really leave it up to him. Good luck!

    Another thing that you can probably just ignore, but wanted to ask…since you are seeing the counselor now have you guys thought at all about waiting on the next steps until you’ve worked through some of the anger/grieving issues? I just wish the best outcome for you and wonder if maybe some of the things you work through with the counselor might put you in a better place mentally for it.

    Ok, I’ll shut up now!

  4. So sad for O. Kids!

    You now have a plan which is better than not having a plan. Work toward your FET and live your life.

    As for how many to transfer, get to the thaw and see.

  5. That is a really hard place to be in. I don’t want to be a downer, but you are right to be concerned about a multiple pregnancy (it won’t surprise you to learn that I am pro-selective reduction). twin PG is not low risk to begin with — add structural problems, and it becomes more stressful, because twins generally are not equal in birth weight and don’t have a lot of room to move around. I remember feeling almost frantic that I couldn’t really DO anything to make sure Baby A (I.) was getting a fair share of nutrients, other than keep slamming protein shakes. However, a good perinatologist would be able to closely monitor the pregnancy. I would never recommend any expectant twin mom to stick with her regular obgyn. Perinatologist, all the way. And maybe your RE could bring a perinatologist in for a consult before transfer. I think that could be really helpful.

    I’m sorry for your sister, too. : (

  6. Dr. HIT would say, “Now let’s get you pregnant!” when I saw him too. And he told me to Hang In There all the time.

    Sorry for your sister. And I hope you can help O with his potty training.

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