She’s so (Heavy).

February 28, 2011 at 2:20 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 19 Comments


Trying to blog after Friday’s post is sort of hard.

Mostly because I’m still processing through it all.

But. Onward.



O’s foray into the World of Underpants has not really been successful. He won’t sit on the potty unless we bribe him. Initially we tried one M&M. By the third time we asked?

He was frigging negotiating with us. He wanted MORE than just one measly M&M.

Two M&Ms?

It’s enough for him to sit for a millisecond, pop up and announce he’s all done, then shuffle over to the TP roll, pull off a square or two, flush it down, put his potty ring away, drop the lid, ask me for help with his pants, then demand his M&Ms.

So I had to enact the “No Millisecond Rule” – where he’ll actually GET his M&Ms if he sits there long enough to get through one of his books.

I’m sure that will last for a day or so until he’s done with it.

And. There has been NO activity INTO the potty however. Not at school, not at home.

But. There have been accidents.

Where remaining neutral is no issue for me, nor him, I’m more concerned about the fact that, when it happens, he simply doesn’t CARE.

He just goes on doing what he’s doing. He walks a little funny, but it’s no big deal.

So we’ll do this for a bit – the underwear time. And we’ll keep him in pull ups at school so that he CAN take them on and off in the chance that he actually WANTS to use the potty there.

But, as I said to J this weekend, I refuse to do anything more until he shows more signs that he actually is interested in potty training. Otherwise it’s going to be an exercise in frustration for all of us.

And trust me, I have enough frustration in my life right now to keep me going.


I have also renewed my subscription to weight watchers. Because I am not running and/or swimming nearly enough to burn off whatever I want to eat.

I am currently up 8lbs from my lowest point last April, which, you know, is FINE.

But I’m 5lbs from where I am comfortable. And my pants are tight and uncomfortable.

And I have no idea when I can start training for any sort of race because I have no idea when we’ll be done with this TTC business.

So it’s time to ratchet back the afternoon chocolate-fests and ice cream desserts, I fear.

Which sucks. Because right now I am Queen of Emotional Eating.

But it’s the right thing to do. I really don’t want my emotional heaviness to be the impetus for me to pack on the pounds.


Thing is.

I thought therapy was supposed to HELP.

Right now? I actually feel WORSE, if that’s even possible. I THOUGHT I was miserable, back in November.

Now? I just feel HEAVY. I don’t want to talk about anything, I don’t want to admit anything more. I just want to pretend that I’m okay, and fake it until I make it.

Can’t do that when you’re sitting on a therapist’s couch once a week.


I suppose I’m just going to have to ride it out.

In the meantime, if you come across my self-esteem, will you send it back to me?




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  1. My DD tried that millisecond stuff too and she has to sing abc’s to get the m&m… worked like a charm and now she holds it and let’s it out when she gets to the letter “p” for peepee. lol. HTH πŸ™‚


  2. Maybe negotiate with him that if he actually *produces* he gets more than one measly M&M? πŸ™‚

    Also, I’ve heard of parents using Cheerios, or other similar small, inexpensive floating things (they even sell something for this!), to throw into the potty and give boys something to aim at. It’s more designed for aiming problems than for starting to potty-train, but perhaps that may give him an impetus to pee in the potty — “see if you can pee on the circle!” Of course, that means he’ll have to stand rather than sit, and he may not be quite tall enough, but perhaps if you give him a small step-stool to stand on, that will work.

    Of course, that’s just *if* you want to try it, and you don’t think it will be pushing him too much. [Just trying to brainstorm in case something works to make *him* want to use the potty.]

  3. we did stickers for actually accomplishing the deed … but every child is different! And I think unfortunately therapy is supposed to hurt before you feel better … hang in there.

  4. Well, you are not alone in the feeling too big/weight gain group. Even my “fat” pants are tight now. I don’t know how to eat when I’m not running 50-90 miles a week! Who would? Just remind yourself that it will come off. You are going through a hard time and the last thing you need is to be hard on yourself. Also, re: therapy. I went to therapy with my husband a few years ago and found that I felt WORSE after therapy. YOu are dealing with stuff you don’t want to…but in the end…if you deal with these things now, you will learn how to better handle them so they don’t haunt you for the next 20 years. And, remember, how we are living now is a TEMPORARY state. It’s not going to last the rest of our lives (please, god, NO!).

    You are really scaring me with the potty training…eeeee!! Signs of the future!

  5. My neighbour is potty training and using the sticker system after x amount of stickers she gets something. It’s working for her. I think it’s a good idea to wait till O shows more interest though.

    It’s understandable you are feeling heavy after therapy, it can be full on.
    Good luck with it.

  6. I was going to suggest 1 if he sits on the potty, 2 if he pee pees, and 3 if he poopys.

  7. Just sending hugs.

  8. I was convinced Button would wear Depends to college. He could sit in wet/dirty dia

  9. Sorry–hit publish. Anyhow: he could sit around with all kinds of grossness; diaper changes were a struggle, and he showed ZERO interest. Everyone kept telling me he’d show signs when he was ready and I TOTALLY didn’t believe it. Then one day, we mentioned that diapers would get too small soon, he looked at us funny, asked for underwear, and never looked back. He’s had a handful of accidents, but in general he does fine.

    Bear has been more of a struggle. We have to gently “nudge” her a bit more sinilar to what you’ve been doing. My biggest take away with her is that “pushing” too hard is always a disaster. So we’re trying to follow her lead. With increasing success.

    They’ll all get their in their own time. Hang in there!

  10. I know nothing about potty training (I’m learning a lot from your commenters!), but I did read somewhere that before you try a new system, you should stop doing anything for awhile. The idea being, I think, that if your kid’s already frustrated with potty training, he’s not going to be receptive to the new system either. It may be a little late for that idea, but maybe in the future if the underpants experiment doesn’t work. Right now I’m just trying to bring J over to the potty at each diaper change, and if he resists I don’t push it. He’s probably using the potty once a day, but not complaining much, so I’m okay with that for now.

  11. Disclaimer: I haven’t started potty training yet, other than putting I & N on the potty every night before bathtime and “talking up” big-girl pants, etc. But I’ve been reading “Stress-Free Potty Training,” and it talks about different personality types and what works/doesn’t work for certain kids. It seemed to make a lot of sense, esp. because I have two very different children to work with at the same time. I is Goal Directed; N is Impulsive. Maybe we can find some common ground. (This should be fun…) If you haven’t read it, maybe it would help. Or maybe I’ll find out it’s all bullshit.

    I & N are completely, embarrassingly obsessed with sweets, so we’ll do stickers or hand checks (checkmarks) rather than M&Ms.

    There’s no doubt that therapy can be really, really miserable at times. Sorry you are having a rough time right now. (hugs)

  12. My self-esteem left me together with my ex husband… then I realize that I needed it back, so I took it back and decided to love me for who I am not the ideal me that I am always working hard to be. You are not perfect, but you are great my friend. Maybe I never told you but your blog was the first one I ever read and because of you I started my own. You inspired me to have a voice… Thank you!

  13. The reason therapy sucks before it gets better is because it is forcing you to go to those dark places in your head you would rather sprint by. Hard, but necessary.
    Think of it as putting back together an egg shell that broke into your batter, and until you get all the pieces out of the bowl you can’t finish the brownies. Well, you could, but then you would be biting into all sorts of unexpected crunchiness. Take your time getting the pieces out, this isn’t a race, but don’t quit till you cross that finish line either.

  14. I think it is hard to figure out how to eat when you are either training all-out for a half-marathon, or not really training hard for anything in particular. I know I really struggle with this- I get used to how much I have to/can eat while training hard, and then find going back to something more reasonable feels like the worst sort of deprivation (but then I do just love my food). Adding emotional eating and the ttc roller coaster into the mix would just make it all worse. So good for you for taking steps to cope with it all.

    I have absolutely no assvice on the whole potty training thing, but I feel like I am learning a lot from your posts and the comments. I hope you’ll keep writing about it.

    I think if therapy right now makes you feel worse, that probably means that it’s working, and it’s not letting you bury the feelings and pretend you are ok. Darkest before the dawn, and all that.


  15. I’m sorry to hear therapy is making you feel worse than you felt before. But, I’d like to think that it’s a sign that you are working through things.

    No advice either on the potty training. I think you’re doing the right thing though by not pushing O. Seems like it may be turning into a power struggle with him. Am taking lots of notes though for when we have to go through this with TK.

  16. We were there with the potty training a couple of weeks ago. But something clicked and I changed my approach a little. We’ve done the chart thing which seems like such a logical thing, but it took me forever to try it. Anyhow, it’s working great now. We still have at least one accident per day, but that is SO much better than where we were two weeks ago.

  17. I gave up on potty training for a couple of months and then restarted, it worked the second time. People always say when they are ready they are ready. maybe put the diapers back on, like I did. The next time around he wanted to wear underwear and he was only allowed two accidents and then the diapers went on. good luck, with everything. ww is great.

  18. Man, we’ve even gained the same amount of weight in all this?!? I’m ramping up the exercise and dialing back the eating too. I figure, if I’m not pregnant, I should at least be happy with my body. It’s hard to turn off the emotional eating, though.

    Sounds like you’re being smart about the PT with O. I suspect that’s the fastest road to underpants, in the long run.

  19. You feeling worse now that you are in therapy is actually a really, really good thing (you want to slap me don’t you). I always tell my clients that if they feel like they are going to have a complete and total breakdown then it means the therapy is working and they are on their way to healing.

    Good therapy makes you feel way worse before you feel better. Because in order to heal, you have to dredge up the past and work through the hurt. BUT once you’ve done it, you can TRULY let it go.

    I’ve gone through this process twice in my life. The second time I thought I honestly was going crazy. I wondered if I had multiple personality disorder, I was depressed, I was irrational and confused. It was HORRIBLE! And then? Yeah, I met my husband, dropped a ton of weight, got a great job, and finally felt good about myself and my life yada yada yada.

    Push through, don’t give up!

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