The (Somewhat Freaky) Perfect Moment Wednesday.March 10, 2011 at 1:57 pm | Posted in My life | 13 Comments
J and I have gone to bed, too late per our usual.
So I fall asleep very quickly.
Which isn’t unusual for me, my insomnia usually comes later at night, when I wake up and can’t get BACK to sleep.
And I’m not certain what exactly wakes me up.
But I roll over, awake for a second.
And find O standing at the side of my bed.
Quietly, clutching his bear and blanket.
Waiting for me to wake up.
Before I am fully awake, I am asking him if he wants to come in bed with us.
He moves to climb in.
I pick him up, glancing at the clock as I put him in between J and I.
His hands are cold and he’s wide awake.
I have no idea how long he was standing there.
So I whisper: Hey kiddo. It’s the middle of the night. Can we can go back to your bed?
He nods, and then sits up.
So I pick him up. He wraps himself around me and rests his head on my chest.
When we go back into his room, he whispers: I want to rock, Mommy.
So I wrap him up in three of his baby blankets, and we rock silently, listening to the faint strains of classical music on his radio.
I’m reminded of his overnight feedings as an infant – my absolute favorite time of night. Where he’d nurse hungrily, away from all the distractions of sights and sounds.
And it was just him and me, rocking in the dim light of his room.
For a moment, we’re right back there.
Then he moves, and I can tell he’s warmer and getting sleepy.
So I walk him over to his bed, where he curls right up under his blankets.
It takes him longer than I thought to fall asleep. He keeps opening his eyes and looking at me, as if to make sure I’m still there.
When I’m sure he’s asleep, I back out of his room, nearly silently, and I close his door.
I climb back into my bed, my heart full of love.
There is no insomnia tonight.