Acknowledge.

April 19, 2011 at 7:47 am | Posted in IVF #5: This is IT. | 12 Comments

My Zen started ebbing away the moment my nurse told me to increase my FSH to 225iu.

Logically, there’s no issue. My follicles were small. My doctor wants to get me moving. Et cetera, yada, blah blah.

It’s just different from what we did with our successful cycle.

And I suppose I sort of hoped I’d be EXACTLY tracking to that cycle.

And since I’m not, it’s allowing the Doubt to creep in.

I am trying not to obsess. Because it is what it is. It’s four years later; it would be silly for me to expect that everything would be the same as before.

So. Expectations adjusted. I am now just hoping to make it to retrieval. (Because I REALLY don’t want to have a cancelled cycle. Not at ALL.)

But.

I do have to acknowledge this, too.

I really, really, REALLY want this to work.

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12 Comments »

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  1. I really, really, really, really, really want this to work for you!

  2. If it makes you feel any better I am doing the SAME protocol as you with an expected increase of Follistim to 225IU Thursday (my first monitoring appointment) I was apprehensive about the changes to but I have faith we will both have success! Best of luck to you I will be following along!

  3. Trying to keep zen for you. 🙂

  4. One thing at a time. A slight in increase does not spell doom and cancellation. You will get to retrieval. You have 5 good follicles, you have some tenderness so more are bulking up, let’s see what Wednesday brings ‘kay? I know, easy for me to say, but don’t put the cart before the horse this cycle.

  5. I really, really, really want it to work for you, too.

  6. Of course you want everything to go like O’s cycle, because you got O on that cycle! But, as you said, this is 4 years later and just because things are slightly different now doesn’t mean it can’t also work.

    And add me to the list of people who really, really, really, really want this to work for you too.

  7. FWIW, the minute we started trying for a sibling (when my son was a mere 5 months old), we did the exact same protocol we did for his cycle. At that time, I was only 14 months older than at my successful cycle so I figured it would work again, for sure. I did three more cycles with that exact protocol without success.

    I’m telling you this not to discourage you so much as to say that things are not the same as when you cycled last and as much as it is natural to cling to what we think works, it is better to acknowledge that things have changed and to adjust to whatever protocol will bring you the best results.

    It sucks, I know, to wonder and worry and ‘what if’ it to death, but just go with what’s at hand. The collective consciousness of this group is pulling for you.

  8. I really, really, really want this to work for you too. 🙂

    I just did my first cycle (trying for #2) with a new RE, who suggested a completely different protocol and a much higher stims dose than what we used 3 years ago to get pregnant with my son and last year to get pregnant with what was apparently a healthy pregnancy until development stopped suddenly at 13.5 weeks. I was very, very nervous about trying something different — after all, I had 2 successful pregnancies using the other protocol and lower doses. I had to just hang in there and have some faith — and believe it or not, I responded incredibly well on the new protocol, with better quality embryos than ever before…and that made me realize that just because we weren’t taking the tried-and-true path, thing could still work out in the end. It was incredibly hard for me to maintain that faith during the process though — it wasn’t until I saw the actual results 5 days post retrieval that I could finally breathe a bit. Hang in there and crossing everything for you.

  9. I really, really want this to work for you too! I’ve followed your blog since O was Squishy. You are a wonderful mother!

  10. We’re all keeping our fingers crossed for you!!!

    I’m also cycling and feeling that worry that happens when the protocol gets messed with. Knowing that it’s the last cycle doesn’t help with the stress : ( I just keep telling myself to breathe. …

  11. And I really, really want this to work for you! Try not to obsess over needing the cycle to be exactly the same…you can still achieve the same end result with a totally different cycle. I am rooting for you! Just found you and added your link. Incidentally, my daughter is about to turn 4 (my first IVF miracle after 3 cycles) and my twins are now 19 months old (from an FET after another 3 cycles). Both cycles couldn’t have been more different! 😉

  12. Fingers are crossed, as always. 🙂


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