May 6, 2011 at 1:35 pm | Posted in IVF #5: This is IT. | 63 Comments

Beta was negative today.

We’re done with treatments.

I will likely never be pregnant again.

I know that I’m going to be okay.

I’m not right now, though.



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  1. I’m so so sorry. This isn’t how I thought this would end.

  2. I’m sorry.

  3. Oh sweetie.

  4. I am so sorry, Serenity. This really blows.

  5. I am so sorry

  6. I’m sorry, Serenity. I wish it weren’t so.

  7. I’ve been a long time follower, first time commenting. I am so very sorry. My heart breaks for you. You seem like a very strong women, so I hope you use that strength to find peace.

    ps- Your O is adorable!

  8. I’m so sorry.

  9. I wish things were different for you. But I can’t change it. And neither can anyone else I know. So I’ll just tell you that we all love you and are thinking of you and yes, you WILL be okay. If it’s right, it’s right. Don’t second guess, and just keep going. It will be okay. *hugs*

  10. Oh fuck. S, I’m so sorry.

  11. I’m so sorry.

  12. I am so, so sorry. Sending hugs and love your way.

  13. Ugh, Serenity, I’m so sorry. This just blows.

  14. I’m so sorry. Anything I (or other bloggers) could do for you?

  15. *hugs*
    Nothing to say except that this really blows and I’m here for you.

  16. Oh Serenity, I am SO sorry.. I know there is nothing we can say, but hopefully just knowing we are all thinking of you and have you in our prayers will help a little bit.. Take the time you need to grieve this process, but you WILL come out the other side, as others have said you are very strong! Take care of yourself.. HUGS!

  17. I am so sorry. I am new to your blog (found you via mutual blogging friends) and I am sad that this is the first post that I am “getting” to comment on. Life can be so unfair. I am saying the Serenity Prayer for you today and hoping that you do whatever makes you feel good in the hours and days to come. Hang in there. I so wish that your Beta had been positive today.

    God grant me the serenity
    to accept the things I cannot change,
    the courage to change the things I can
    and the wisdom to know the difference.

    I wish you serenity, acceptance, courage and wisdom. Sending lots of thoughts and prayers your way for peace and comfort.

  18. I am so fucking sorry Serenity! I have been stalking all day, hoping against everything, knowing that you so deserve this. And I am so so sorry that it was not meant to be.

    I know you will be alright with this. You have been building yourself up to “move on” for sometime now. But. You have every right to mourn first.

    Be gentle with yourself this weekend.


  19. I’m sorry Serenity 😦

  20. Oh, Serenity. I am so, so very sorry. What an awful place to be. Thinking of you guys.

  21. Oh Serenity, you have all of my love and support today. You make me want to switch over to the full marathon program so that I can run it with you in January…you could convince me…and we could run across the finish line tomorrow (Assuming you doubled back…)

  22. I’m so sorry.

    I’m here, sending you love and if there is anything I can do don’t hesitate to let me know. I’m a good listener.

    Thinking of you.

  23. ‘I’m sorry’ doesn’t seem to do justice to the depth of the pain & disappointment I know you are feeling, yet it is all that I can offer from afar. Sending hugs of comfort & wishes that a peaceful path is ahead.

  24. I’m so very sorry.

  25. Err, I mean together, not tomorrow. Sorry.

  26. My heart hurts for you, Serenity. I am so sorry.

  27. Sending a huge huge hug and much love.

  28. I’m so sorry.

  29. I am so, so, so very sorry. If I had any possible way of remotely considering a marathon program (um, yeah, NEVER), then, like LJ, I’d suggest crossing the finish line together…. assuming you doubled back, and back, and back, and back again.

  30. I’m terribly sorry.

  31. I am sorry you are hurting. Sending big hugs your way. Sucks.

  32. Sitting with you while you go through the pain of the negative beta as well as what this means for life after beta…. I wish I could make it all go away. ((Hugs and love))

  33. I am so so sorry.

  34. I here with you as well. I wish I could help make you fell better . HUGS

  35. So sorry to see this news – sending you a virtual hug as you mourn the negative.

  36. I am so very sorry. Have been stalking all day and hoping the news wouldn’t be this. Wish I lived there so I could give you a hug. Virtual ones will have to do.

  37. I was thinking about you all morning and so hoping to see different news. I’m so sorry. I know from just having gone through it that even when you know this could be the outcome and try to prepare yourself for it there is still a sense of shock and denial among a lot of other emotions. Please be gentle and kind to yourself as you work through this.

  38. I’m so sorry… I wish there were words to help, but I know there aren’t right now. Big hugs and know that you are not alone.

  39. I’m sorry Serenity…Treat it like a death and grieve appropriately. You are sooo strong and you will survive!!! It just blows so much…

    Leslie B.

  40. So, so sorry to hear this.

  41. My heart is with you.

  42. I’m really sorry.

  43. sending my love from all the way across the nation.

    love you.

  44. Serenity, thinking of you and wishing this was different.

  45. I’m so so very sorry for you. I was really hoping things to go well for you this time. Big hugs from New Zealand. Best wishes.

  46. I’m so sorry. It’s okay to not be okay right now. Love you.


  47. You are right Serenity, you will be fine….allow yourself time and any emotion you are feeling. You will have many different ones in the coming days and none of them are “wrong”.
    Take time to heal your heart.

  48. Damn! So, so sorry. 😦

  49. Life is real unfuckingfair. Of course you’ll be OK because what is the alternative? But to be forced to be OK by a shit hand…well, it simply sucks.

    I’m also very sorry.

  50. Oh no, I am sorry Serenity 😦

  51. Very sad to hear it. Thinking of you.

  52. I’m really sorry 😦

  53. Again, I’m so sorry. Sending lots of hugs during this difficult time.

    You’ve often compared cycling to gambling, and I thought this quote was particularly appropriate given your Plan B:

    “You got to know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em,
    Know when to walk away and know when to run.”

    You are in my thoughts.

  54. I’m so sorry. 😦 We miscarried in Feb…we’re done too. I’ll never carry to term. I wish I had words of comfort or wisdom, something to take the pain away. I’m standing with you. I’m so deeply sorry.

  55. Sorry. I hope you continue to feel peace with your decision to stop.

  56. I’m so sorry Serenity (((Hugs))) Wishing you that things become easier…

  57. You WILL be OK, in time. But I’m so sorry it wasn’t the result you wanted. (((hugs)))

  58. I am just so sorry. My heart is just broken for u today. Xo

  59. I don’t know what I can say.

    Just, this sucks.


  60. I’m so sorry.

    O is lucky to have you as a mom and you’ll do (are doing) a great job raising him.

    I saw you signed up for a Marathon! Go Serenity!!!


  61. Right there with you babe… sending hugs x

  62. Oh Serenity. I’m so very sorry. I know this is late, but please know I’m sending hugs your way.

  63. I just came back and had to check. Not the news I was hoping for. Hope you’re ok.


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