Whiplash.May 31, 2011 at 10:08 am | Posted in Uncategorized | 9 Comments
I go from one extreme to the next.
My heart is full watching O do something new.
Like riding an actual roller coaster at the local amusement park this weekend, where he belly laughed his way through the entire ride, then begged to go back.
We are getting our life back in bits and pieces.
Like yesterday, where he sat proudly “in the RESTAURANT!” and ordered himself mac and cheese and juice.
Or in the afternoon, where he insisted: I NEED to mow the lawn! and followed J around with his toy mower, pretending to work really hard at cutting our grass.
I do, in fact, have some form of control over things in my life.
Like Saturday, where I took a 7 mile run (i.e. LSD) and made it 9 miles, just because I felt great.
I see a light at the end of a tunnel when it comes to being overwhelmed with catch up tasks after a weekend away.
Because having an only child means one of us can work more on a part time basis; sooner than we thought.
Maybe even this fall.
Then there’s the pain, too.
Like watching our friends’s kids play with their siblings this weekend, seeing the oldest boy look out for his younger siblings.
Or when one of the kids asked Owen if he had a brother or a sister, and he looked at me, sort of confused.
Or noting all the pregnant bellies at the amusement park, most of them with older kids in strollers.
At one moment, I could be thrilled with the freedom of having a son who is fast turning into a little boy, who is willing to go along and have fun with us, try something like a roller coaster because I’m there with him.
And the next moment I long for something I can’t have and rail at the unfairness of it all.
I thought that stopping treatments would have stopped this back and forth.
I was wrong, I suppose.