The Thing about Facebook.

June 14, 2011 at 12:16 pm | Posted in Cheese with that whine? (aka rants), Heartbreak, Infertility | 18 Comments

(warning: Ranty Anger Post. Feel free to click away. I just need to get this out.)

Dear Fertile Facebook Friend(s):

No, I don’t WANT to see your ultrasound pictures.

No, I won’t want to hear about your beta results.

I really don’t care how excited you are about having a girl.

Nor do I really care how your girl won’t “hold still so the tech could get a good picture of her.”

I don’t want to see your stupid profile pictures of you and your husband next to a cake that says “We’re having a BABY!”

I’m not okay with the fact that you’re due when I might have been, and our kids would have been weeks apart.

I’m not okay with the fact that you’re a part of some sort of fucking CLUB of people all due at the end of the year.

And I’m not.

Instead of being a part of that club, I get to buy the bulk boxes of pads, and run my miles through AF cramps, even though with every step I want to stop because it fucking HURTS so damn much.

And so I’ll post some sort of happy “Congratulations!” comment on your stupid pregnancy picture, and I’ll immediately remove you from my feed.

And when I feel like I’m okay, because I feel guilty, I’ll click over to your profile in the hopes that seeing your belly pictures won’t hurt.

But it does.

And I don’t know when it’s not going to hurt.

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18 Comments »

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  1. I would also like to add: Once you’ve announced said pregnancy on your profile, I don’t need to see EVERY OTHER POST FOR 6 MONTHS about how sick/fat/baby room decorating/much you’re eating/tee hee tee hee you are.

    BAH!!!!

    I’m right there with you. I also passive aggressively add the congrats…… sometimes I’m REALLY wild and don’t even say that.

  2. I completely second what oddsbedamned said. Oh and seeing the weekly “10 weeks today” crap all the time is just annoying. Especially when you’re really just a pseudo-friend from school who I felt bad not to accept but you have now gotten knocked up by a man you’re not with and currently call your new man, who you’ve been with all of six weeks, “my sexy” ALL THE TIME. Sorry, didn’t mean to rant. Totally agree with you though.

  3. Because I have an almost 18 month jump on closing up my pregnancy shop, I can tell you, it does get easier and better with time (but that mostly has to do with when and how you come to terms with your decision to stop treatment). Whereas before I noticed every pregnant woman and was drawn to her pregnancy bump like a moth to a flame now I barely notice and even when I do I barely give it a passing thought and no longer wince in emotional pain.

    I still have wistful moments of what could have/might have been, but I’ve just decided that no good comes from hanging out in that space. I work hard (and it is work) to focus on what I do have and as I do the hole caused by what I don’t continues to shrink.

  4. It will always hurt a little. But it won’t always hurt this much. Keep hiding these people. Don’t check back. *hugs*

  5. I cannot believe someone would post BETA results. Ug. I just can’t believe someone could be that freaking pollyana???? I don’t get on FB anymore. I don’t post updates. And, I defriended every one of my friends that is pregnant and posts that crap. Feel free to do the same. (Yes, I realize that this may sound hypocritical coming from me…) There is no consolation prize that is fair…but maybe you will be fitter and stronger than you’ve ever been when they’re fat and swollen and sleep deprived. Maybe you’ll be able to afford to go on fat @ss vacations when they’re stuck going to the beach every year because they have their BROOD to tend to. Muh-ha-ha.

  6. Oh, definitely take them off your feed. Good idea. I don’t know, I have 150 or so FB friends, and many people have lots more. It’s hard to post things that won’t bother any one of those people. But if it gives you a little satisfying feeling of spitefulness to click “remove from newsfeed”, then at least that’s something.

    And IMHO, you shouldn’t feel that you need to be nice. How many of these people would notice if you don’t comment on their status or their pictures?

  7. Fortunately for me, most of my peers are past the child bearing years and having grandchildren!!!! I agree though that folks do NOT get how they are throwing all that crap right into people’s faces. I think some things should be kept private and not broadcast all over. I would be de-friending those folks!

  8. I hear ya.

  9. Facebook pretty much sucks. Twitter is so much better. At least there we are mostly in the same boat.

  10. I totally agree. AMEN!

  11. Wait, someone posted a picture of themselves with a cake that said “We’re having a Baby!” ?

    That’s about as tacky as these photos. http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/2011/04/29/a-royal-affair/

    Ok, NOTHING is as tacky as those photos. But it’s still gross.

    (((Hugs)))

  12. Ultrasound pictures as profile pictures royally piss me off. Poor taste and in your face; what’s not to like?!

  13. I haven’t yet hidden anyone, but I can pretty much say that I am now a pro at just scrolling through my feed and scanning right past all baby/kid photos. Most are too small to make things out so I just never click on them (or really even look for that matter). Don’t feel the need to comment if you aren’t up for it…just not worth the anguish it causes. Many hugs.

  14. I cannot tell you how much I agree. With everything. Especially the part about where I hide them and then torture myself by still clicking on their profile to see their stupid belly pictures.

    I hate infertility. So much.

  15. Ooh, I was in that space as well. And it meant when I was pregnant, I was then SO over-sensitive about posting status updates that were pregnancy related (I think I did maybe two the whole pregnancy). I never made my profile pic a bump pic (but I did put bump pics and u/s photos up). And now that E. is here, I have sworn to NEVER ever make my profile pic just a picture of him. I find that weird- I don’t like the idea that as a mother I become reduced to my child.

    I totally removed people from my news feed. Never feel bad for that.

    Plus I hated that Facebook somehow knew that I was thinking about babies because all the ads were always about baby stuff, or mommy stuff, or even infertility stuff (I have NO idea how it picked up that one).

    Completely understand if I’m off your newsfeed right now. 🙂
    xoxoxo
    T.

  16. I know it hurts, its hard for me to see the “picture perfect families” all over my FB wall when I am still healing my post divorce wounds and still struggle with the fact that I might never have a child again. However, one time or another we have bragged or FB about things that are hurtful to others even though it was not our intention. Maybe the pics of our sweet kids are equally painful for somebody who still trying for # 1… just a thought! I do understand how you feel, I have the same feelings.

  17. rant away, girl. i hate facebook for making me feel inadequate as a person w/o the ability to get pregnant. it blows. hugs.

  18. oh my sweet friend I am so sorry….so very very sorry.

    there is nothing fair about that and no reason to feel Ok with it. xo


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