Potty Training Thoughts. And A Rant.July 7, 2011 at 4:03 pm | Posted in milestones, rants | 19 Comments
First of all, thanks to all of you for the supportive comments on the potty training post.
After the dust settled, I realized that I was disheartened because I kept doing something that, in retrospect, was bound to fail. From the moment he told me on Saturday morning that he didn’t WANT to wear underwear, our experiment wasn’t going to work.
And yes, I wanted to give the weekend a good shot, I wanted to give him more chances at success. I thought maybe if he had a couple of good experiences with the potty, he’d start to get excited about mastering a new skill.
Like I am.
Yeah. Not so much.
Clearly my kid is different than me. And that’s OKAY. It’s good for me to see this in action, and understand it, and work WITH it instead of trying to bribe him to be different.
And though I do wish, a little, that I had listened to him on Saturday when he told me he didn’t want to wear underwear, I am glad that we stuck it out as long as we did.
I don’t know what’s next, but I know that yet again I’ve learned the lesson of patience. My kid has always done things on his own time. This is yet another thing he will master, and all we can do is encourage him and be patient.
We’re starting to come out and tell people that we’re done with our family building efforts; mostly since the topic of second babies comes up a lot.
And this weekend, a friend mentioned that since O was a poor sleeper as a baby, “the next baby” would be a sleeper, because that’s always how it goes.
So I told her that it was looking likely that O would be an only child, that we probably wouldn’t get to have another.
Since we’ve been out about our fertility issues, she asked about IVF. And I told her that we had tried, but it looked like we just got lucky once.
Well, you know, you can just adopt.
And then she went on to tell me about how a friend of hers adopted, and then got pregnant.
Because… wait for it…
The pressure was off.
I’ve discovered over the years is that people don’t always know to say the right things.
Really, so many people MEAN well, but what comes out of their mouth doesn’t always match what I KNOW they’re thinking.
The adoption thing? Makes logical sense. Couple wants a baby but can’t have one. Another couple is pregnant with a baby that they for whatever reason can’t raise. Perfect, neat answer.
You know, except for the money and the process and the homestudy and the DECISIONS you have to make about what you’re willing to take on. And the risk of failed placement and the slow quiet wait which could last a LONG time, on top of the years you’ve already spent on treatments. Oh and did I mention the money?
And then, to say that adopting would be good because it would allow me to get pregnant because, you know, THE PRESSURE IS OFF… come on, really?
I suppose if I were able to get pregnant whenever I thought that I’d like another baby maybe I’d think that I had CONTROL over getting pregnant, too.
What pisses me off is the insinuation that our infertility is related to wanting it too much.
Not because we have a medical reason, not because we just ended up on the wrong side of statistics, but because I wanted to be pregnant entirely too much, and the pressure was way too much for my body to handle.
I am infertile. I have spent nearly five fucking years of my life in the stirrups. I’ve endured scores of doctors looking at my private bits, two surgeries, 5 retrievals, umpteen fucking transfers, 16 embryos not make it.
Why I was lucky enough to get pregnant once is a fucking miracle to me, too. But it sure as hell wasn’t because I cared less.
And I know, I KNOW, that she doesn’t understand this. She has no idea the extent of our reproductive woes, only that it took us some time and IVF in order to conceive O. And I know that has no idea just how much that 2 minute conversation hurt me.
And maybe I should have said something to her, to educate her. But I was at a summer barbecue. And by fuck, I’m TIRED of talking about infertility. I just wanted to enjoy my day with my kid and my husband and my college friends, you know?
But I’ve found myself thinking about it often in the past week. And I’m hoping that by posting this, it’ll help me feel a little better.
I am infertile.
And that IS NOT MY FAULT.