And The Post Where I Talk About How People Get It Right.

July 10, 2011 at 11:35 am | Posted in Infertility | 8 Comments

I have the bestest BFF ever.

Some friends from college decided to do a family camping trip in NH from Thursday – Sunday. We couldn’t make it until Saturday morning, but my BFF J was up there with everyone else early.

And on Friday morning, she sent me an email. From the woods.

FYI – Friend O is pregnant. There may be an annoucement this weekend. Thought you should know.

I love her. I love that she GETS it, love how one of her first thoughts was that she had to give me a heads up.

And yes, Friend O is pregnant. Unexpectedly so. Apparently they were using condoms as birth control – without spermicide, since she reacts to it – and one must not have worked, but she can’t put her finger on when it happened. She just found out last week. And is due in January.

I’d really like to hate her, but damned if she wasn’t so awesome about it. She didn’t talk about it until someone asked. And then to me, when I was asked a few things, she said, sort of embarrassedly. I feel weird talking about this so much, especially since I know you had trouble.

She had overheard my conversation last weekend, too.

Well damn. So yeah, I can’t hate her.

(Plus, well. She’s going to have three kids. Two seems okay – you can still play man on man defense. Three? Only way to play that is zone. Eeek!)

I truly think that the friend who mentioned adopting and then getting pg really DID mean well. I think it’s diarrhea of the mouth; saying something before you really think. I’ve definitely done it before I was infertile – over the years I’ve said many a stupid thing to someone, not realizing that maybe what I said was at the very best not helpful, at the very worst hurtful.

I mean, shit – I’m infertile and I still struggle with supporting my sister through her IF, trying not to say the wrong thing.

So I’m letting it go.

Because there are people in the world, too, who DO get it. Like my BFF. Like Friend O. Like my sister, and my friend D, and my friend Heather, and the lot of you in the computer who read this blog.

And that does count for something.



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  1. Glad J looked out for ya, having good friends is so important.

  2. “(Plus, well. She’s going to have three kids. Two seems okay – you can still play man on man defense. Three? Only way to play that is zone. Eeek!)”

    Okay, that made me spit out my Dew from laughing!!! So true. So so true.

  3. Thank goodness for people who get it. And so wonderful that you have them in your life.

  4. A friend to cherish!

    And, she’s having 3 kids in one go?

  5. This made me smile!

  6. Yes, zone defense. That is what we do in our house. We can do man on man with the twins, but then I feel our 10yo daughter gets the short end of the stick, so I make sure she gets plenty of attention too. Sometimes we recruit her to help with the man on man with the boys.

  7. “Zone defense” is an apt phrase.

    I always felt like I screwed up whenever I tried to acknowledge SIL #1’s IF. People are so different — and she is very reserved.

    Also, I didn’t know what to reply when a single friend in her late 30s told me that her obgyn reassured her that she “had until age 45.”

  8. Nice to be reminded that not everyone is oblivious and/or insensitive. Those are the people we need to surround ourselves with.

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