Night.

July 21, 2011 at 12:29 pm | Posted in Battles (aka: toddlerhood), milestones, motherhood | 10 Comments

The tantrums are something else.

He fights us during the day.

All the time. About important things. About not important things.

No, he doesn’t want THAT spoon. He wants a DIFFERENT one.

I DO IT, MOMMY!

No, he cannot get changed right now, because it’s not TIME.

He doesn’t want to watch THIS episode of Peep and the Big Wide World. He wants the ones with the BUBBLES!

No, he absolutely CANNOT GET INTO THE CAR RIGHT NOW!

He yells, he screams, he even hits me.

And the fierceness of his anger scares me, just a little. I worry about teaching him how to control it without ignoring it like I learned to do.

I end my days too late right now: exhausted from work and parenting and running and chores and work stress and summer heat.

I fall asleep nearly instantly.

I am woken up by the sound of a door opening and the patter of his feet in our bedroom.

He stops at the side of my bed, and I tell him that I need to pee, that he can lay down on my side of the bed for a moment, but then we’ll go back into his room, because it’s the middle of the night.

And as I get out of bed, I pick up his slight form and put him on my side of the bed, noting how he burrows in right away once I cover him with his sheet.

When I come back in, he’s snuggled next to his daddy.

So I pick him up; he winds his arms around my neck and buries his face in my shoulder as I carry him back into his room.

And he lays down on his bed, pats his side of the bed, and whispers, Lay down with me, Mommy.

When I lay down, he rolls over so that he’s snuggled against me.

And I listen to him breathe.

And marvel at just how much I can love another person.

This has always been my favorite time with him. When things are quiet.

He always talks in a whisper overnight.

He doesn’t fight me, or yell, or hit.

He just asks me to lay next to him so that he can go back to sleep.

Before I had him, I never knew that love could be so deep, and so pure, and so simple.

So for today, I am thankful for my night of broken sleep.

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10 Comments »

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  1. Oh gosh, I have so many blog posts to catch up on. But, we’ve been FIGHTING FIGHTING FIGHTING with our little nugget ALL THE TIME and there are moments when I just want to cry because I am so frustrated with him. But, these little night-time moments are so special (or even early morning snuggles). I’m glad that I am not the only one that is having the daily fights/declarations of independence.

  2. Sounds like my house! But the nighttime sweetness really does erase all the bad stuff. By the way, the girls and I are enjoying “How Does a Dinosaur Say I Love You?,” which I’d recommend for anyone with kids between ages 1 and 5!

  3. I just love this post. love it. this is so true of how life is in general.

  4. I want to cry reading this because it is almost EXACTLY what happens in my world right now. Almost EXACTLY, I tell you. It’s so hard and scary and frustrating and then it can be so lovely… The love gets me through.

  5. Someone told me recently that if a child feels free enough to express anger and other scary emotions you are doing a good job as a parent.

    So, you are doing a good job as a parent.

  6. If you could bottle and sell that feeling, you would be a millionaire. Isn’t it great? I would be so frustrated by bedtime, then at about 1 am, the patter of feet and sweetness of the voice would wipe away all my frustration.

  7. Breathtakingly beautiful post, Serenity.

  8. Love this. I absolutely marvel in that feeling of absolute, pure love I get when I hold my little girl. It’s just….. unbelievable.

  9. TK is still in the crib so I don’t get to snuggle with him as he falls asleep. But, I do go in and look at him almost every night after he has fallen asleep because those moments are so nice. Especially after a rough day.

  10. Three is really a lesson in extremes isn’t it? Things are going pretty much the same in our house and I just love our night time snuggled (although I’m usually too tired to put him back in his room when he shows up at 2 am).


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