Word(ful) Wednesday.

July 27, 2011 at 9:42 am | Posted in And I ran (I ran so far away), Battles (aka: toddlerhood), Career angst, My life | 5 Comments

I have been burning the candle at both ends.

My should-be-40-hours-a-week job needs about 60-70 hours of work week for me to even be close to getting on top of everything that needs to get done. With each day, I end up fighting fires, band-aiding things together, and completely foregoing my plans to get on top of all the shit that needs to get done.

And so I end up feeling like a complete failure because things are messy and unorganized and way too busy right now.

Parenting takes a LOT more energy right now, as we’re in the midst of the Hell That Is Age Three. With tantrums, inflexibility, hitting, screaming, refusals, and the lot.

Managing things so that everything isn’t a power struggle right now takes so much flexibility and thinking and manipulating and attention. I’m nearly always a step BEHIND him these days, and I’m trying to catch up and stay limber. It’s really hard.

Marathon training is going really well, but I’m at the point where I need to flex within my running program so I continue to improve. Which means a combination of running longer slow runs, short and faster runs, and hillwork to boot.

Which, while mentally refreshing, it’s physically exhausting.

I feel like a pressure cooker, where EVERYTHING has combined to a point where I’m just below my boiling point ALL THE TIME.

Anything unexpected will put me over, and either I’ll crack under the pressure and fall apart, or I’ll badly burn someone in my need to vent.

I need to simplify.

I need a vacation.

I need a change.

I need TIME.

Lucky for me we have a week’s vacation scheduled in a little over two and a half weeks.

I just hope I make it that far.

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5 Comments »

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  1. You have a lot on your plate, hon. I know what you are talking about with the three year old blues–this last week has been a trial.

    I hope your two weeks up to vacation are not as stressful–and I hope you have a restful vacation!

  2. You WILL make it that far and I hope that your vacation is exactly what you need it to be…a relaxing vacation from the pressure cooker you feel you are living.

    Mental breaks can be huge in terms of setting in motion new thought paths.

  3. You can make it! Hang in there!

  4. Wow- you are one busy momma! I hope your vacation gives you a chance to rest and recharge.

    (Loving the new blog idea, btw. Didn’t get a chance to comment on the previous post.)
    xoxoxo
    T.

  5. I hear you. I’m exhausted too. Don’t you feel like when you become a mother- you get on a treadmill that you can NEVER get off of? Yikes, I hope Cate’s 3rd year- doesn’t look like this! She has fits- what works for *cate/us* is to ignore and walk away. I’ve stepped over her in the kitchen. Totally disengage. That works so far……
    I wish I could send you away to an island for a break.


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