The Next Thing?August 1, 2011 at 7:11 am | Posted in Career angst | 19 Comments
I’m thinking of leaving my job.
There, I said it.
J has been interviewing for some consulting jobs over the past few weeks; all of which would require at the very least a longer commute – and at the most, lots of travel.
Right now he does daycare pickup every day, since I do dropoff and don’t get to work until 9am.
I’ve mentioned that my work kinda sucks right now. There really is WAY more work than I can get to on a 40 hour a week schedule, and the muckity mucks here DO actually work my old firm hours – 60-80 hours a week.
I feel a TON of pressure to work MORE, MORE MORE!
And add that to a new system, plus a new internal audit function, plus a massive change in how we’re expensing some funky awards, on top of having to be compliant with a new reporting technology with the SEC, on top of auditors and day to day accounting…
I have no idea how we’ll manage life around a job where J is gone more.
So I called the woman I know who has her own consulting business. And we talked about freelance work; where she goes out and gets business and assigns it to me and pays me by the hour.
And then I have the flexibility to work part time, full time, or not at all at periods of time if I need it. And the part time work, on an hourly basis, would essentially net me the same amount I make now. (Gross wages, of course, because I’ll be self-employed and will have to pay that tax.)
Seems like it should be a no-brainer, right?
The tradeoff – less security than I have now. Not that I have a TON of job security, given that last year they got rid of 4 of my coworkers because they weren’t the right fit. But freelancing is worse.
Though I can augment that through my own network – since I’m not going to be an employee of this woman’s consulting firm, I can go out on my own and freelance for other companies if I want. If I worked hard enough at it, I might be able to have my OWN business doing it. Maybe.
Biggest issue, I’m discovering, is my own freaking damn ass baggage.
I’ve never actually LEFT a job when there’s a lot of work I still need to accomplish.
I have this awful feeling that leaving now would be akin to declaring defeat. Like I can’t hack it as a mom and full time worker.
I’m scared of being a failure.
Those statement are totally ridiculous, I know.
It’s just how I’m feeling.
So I’m putting it out into the internet in the hopes that maybe by saying it out loud, it’ll diminish to something MUCH smaller.
And hopefully, as I keep thinking about it, I won’t feel as frozen with worry and fear.