The Token Two Week Wait Post.

December 15, 2011 at 8:22 am | Posted in Infertility, Moving On. | 8 Comments

I’ve found that the second half of the 2ww is the hardest part of the wait.

(That I’m getting on a plane tomorrow for a big boat in the Caribbean helps a bit.)

For the past two days I’ve been at the point where I’ve thought:

Maybe.

I have more discharge than usual. I’m crampy and Ute feels heavier than usual. My pants are a little tight by the afternoon, though my weight hasn’t changed.

But, you know, it’s too early for a pg test, so clearly what I’m feeling is progesterone right now. And I have NONE of the ‘symptoms’ I had when I got the positive pregnancy test with O, so I could just be making things up, too.

So I wait.

I did hear back from the embryo lab in terms of what we have remaining. I was right – the two straws we have left are from our January 2011 cycle. They’re graded pretty poorly. So yesterday I downloaded a consent to thaw our embryos such that they are non-viable… and discard them. We are hoping that J’s aunt, who is a notary, will be willing to notarize it for us on Christmas.

I thought it was interesting that we had two choices for the discard – either our clinic could do it for us, of they could give us the non-viable embryos and we could dispose as we see fit.

I’m actually thinking about the second option; I was thinking it might be nice to be able to DO something for them. Maybe send them into the ocean.

I don’t know. It makes me so sad, the idea of getting rid of them.

I’ve lost the hope that they will be babies; I can’t bear to do another cycle to see.

Thing is, though? Those embryos represent a lot of years of Hope for me.

I can’t keep Hope for myself anymore. But I can’t bear to see it thrown into the trash, either.

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8 Comments »

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  1. I love that you have the option to take the embryos yourselves. That’s very sensitive of your clinic.

    Have a wonderful time on the cruise. I’m still holding hope in my heart for you.
    xoxoxo
    T.

  2. Leftover embryos. Ugh.

    I couldn’t bear to see ours thrown out either – but I am now medically advised to never get pregnant again, in addition to the problems of cycling. And since we have as many kids as we want …

    As of October they let us donate to stem cell research. That makes me feel better about doing something I didn’t really want to do.

    Have a great vacation and I hope you come home with good news.

  3. It is really great that the clinic offers the option to dispose of the embryos yourselves. I’m a notary, if for some reason your aunt can’t do it and you need one.

    And I want to know: are you bringing HPTs on the cruise?? I couldn’t handle the extra week of waiting (and if it’s negative, then you can drink on the cruise).

    I am really, really hoping this works for you, though!

  4. Wishing you all sorts of happiness on your holidays.

    Bea

  5. I am hoping for you. Have fun on your cruise!

  6. I am praying that you get a positive result, and I agree take an hpt with you!! I hope you have an amazing time on your cruise!

  7. We’ll hold onto the hope for you and you can just go do what you need to do.

  8. I, too, love that they will give you the embryos. A non-clinical farewell seems so much more fitting for cells that were once such a source of hope, even if the current cycle is successful.


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