Better.December 28, 2011 at 5:58 am | Posted in Battles (aka: toddlerhood), Crazy Talk (aka: Therapy), Cult of Personality, My life | 1 Comment
Much, much better today.
I spend entirely too much energy trying NOT to feel something. There were moments on the cruise where I knew it was a BFN. And I was angry then. But I kept telling myself not to think about it, I didn’t know yet, and even if it WAS negative I was no worse off than I had been before we did this cycle.
So really giving voice to my anger yesterday helped a lot.
And a run this morning, too.
All things considered, we had a great week on the boat with my family. O has turned into a consumate traveler – seeing him with his backpack and rolling suitcase was so bittersweet.
He loved that the steward made up a bed all for him every night. He loved the pools on deck; though after the first day the big pool he started calling the “cold pool.” He spent most of his time in the hot tub – the one that had a lower temperature for the kids.
He ate fruit loops for breakfast every morning, and loved picking out what juice he’d have with breakfast. He ate plain pasta pretty much at all other meals, though we convinced him the last night to order mac and cheese since he enjoyed having some of his cousin’s the night before.
My mother and father taught him how to stack dominoes and knock them all down in all fell swoop. On our shore excursions, he played in the ocean without abandon.
Oh and shore excursions.
J and I honeymooned in Fiji. It was the carrot he dangled whenever I got annoyed with the details of wedding planning. Which happened a lot. Fiji was, by far, the most gorgeous place I have ever seen.
But St. John is a close second.
It helped that we had gorgeous weather when we landed in St. Thomas. But when we got off the taxi at Cinnamon Bay, I asked J if we really needed to get back on the boat.
Because this is what we saw.
I am now figuring out ways where we can vacation there.
Stuff that didn’t go very well? My mother, who has been diagnosed with a host of food allergies, spent most of her time drunk because, according to her, she could only eat “lettuce and watermelon.” Yet she was on vacation, so she drank martinis as if she was eating normally. And my mom is one of those annoying drunk people. She consequently was in O’s face, telling him, I love you, you know that? while he was trying to play or eat or do whatever he wanted to do. Was annoying for both of us. But luckily it was toward the end of the night and O and I could escape to the stateroom under the guise of “bedtime.”
We also had a lot of trouble with accidents.
This is the biggest, most frustrating thing with O right now – we’ve been struggling with it for a few months now. He refuses to use the potty when we ask him/tell him/wonder out loud/etc to use the bathroom. Yet he refuses to take time out of whatever he’s doing to use the bathroom. Which means he waits until he’s PEEING IN HIS PANTS to say something.
Or, like the first few days of the trip, he just wet his pants and didn’t mention ANYTHING to us.
Which made us ask him to use the bathroom more than we usually do. And it caused him to dig in and NOT go even when he had to just because he’s three.
We spent $50 for the week on laundry – did a bag a day.
And the potty thing completely blew up in the airport bathroom on the way home. O had an accident, and didn’t want to stop what he was doing to change. So there I was, kneeling on a disgusting airport bathroom floor, taking off his pee stained pants, my naked and livid screaming three year old refusing to use the bathroom in front of me.
It was awesome.
That was sort of my breaking point with the accident thing. J and I decided in that moment that we’d stop asking him to use the bathroom. Put ALL control back into his hands, see what happened. Because I really think that he was fighting us, and honestly, I’m DONE with the battle over the potty. He has accidents anyway, might as well just let him have accidents. And shockingly, it’s gotten somewhat better. On Sunday he actually told me that he had to use the bathroom BEFORE he wet himself.
(This is where you are more than welcome to tell me that this is an age/three year old control thing and he’ll grow out of it!)
But other than that, we had a great time. O slept well, I slept pretty well, we saw some gorgeous places, we spent time with family, and I wasn’t at work. And mostly I was able to enjoy what was right in front of me instead of focusing on the cycle and obsessing about outcomes.
This past summer, I had time where I felt good, really good, about the family we have now. I know I’ll get there again. It’s just going to take some time.